


Crossfire

by northernskyhills, SunshineHead



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Alternate Universe, Blow Jobs, Captain!Arin, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, First Time Hand Jobs, Hair-pulling, Hand Jobs, Lost Memory, M/M, Pining, Praise Kink, Public Blow Jobs, Riding, Scratching, Semi-Public Sex, Treasure Hunter AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-04-27 20:19:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 31
Words: 54,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14433327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/northernskyhills/pseuds/northernskyhills, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunshineHead/pseuds/SunshineHead
Summary: When pining Captain Arin "Grimace" Rhys is sailing foreign seas, he ends up on a humble island along with his loyal crew. He meets a mysterious man on a beach that reminds him of someone he used to love. Who is this man and why is Arin so affected by him?





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Grump fic written in collab with Tumblr user hottubofmiracles, check her out she's amazing! Many more chapters to come!

Hushed whispers of varying volumes are lulling me to sleep in my quarters. Wood aged with time creak around me, and I slowly rock with the movement of the blue waters my vessel rides upon. I inhale deeply and the only things I can smell are the salt of the sea and the ale on my breath. I don’t normally drink, but this night was different. The night usually brought along clear skies, twinkling stars, and a shining moon, but in the coming morning, there will be storms and sorrow cast upon me. The sun may shine in truth, but I’ll only be able to see the thrashing waters and lighting painted across the anthracite sky, exactly how it was five years ago.

Suddenly, I see myself pulling on the ropes of the canvas, steadying the ship that was being battered with rain as sharp as knives and waves stronger than a thousand men. My boots slipping on the slick wood of the deck, trying to yell orders to my crew through the deafening cries of Jupiter. My quartermaster, Ross ‘Fearless’ Swales, grasps my shoulder tightly. He regains his balance, and he grasps the rope I have in an attempt to help me. I pull him close within earshot, but I still need to yell for him to even hear me.

“Belay! I have this under control, get a handle on the wheel, and smartly!” 

Suddenly there was a blood-curdling scream, it was all too familiar. I look ahead left and a wave is rapidly rising above the ship. My first mate, my closest friend, is scrambling to safety. Time slows and I see my hand reaching out towards him, I open my mouth to yell at him, but I’m pulled away from my crew, my ship, the storm, everything. My eyes shoot open. My chest stings with the heavy breaths I take into my body. I stare up at the wooden boards and the chart of the stars I have above my bed. I glance at Pisces and immediately look away. Usually, I would stare at the constellation and think of chocolate brown eyes and beautiful lips but if I thought of him anymore today I would break.

I ease myself up, trying hard not to vomit. My head is swimming with confusion and sleeplessness as I’m slowly pulled back into reality. Thank the Gods it was just a nightmare, again. It felt like I was reliving the exact moment of the…accident. They’re getting more and more vivid, I’m not sure if I can take it much longer. I turn around to my window, the steady waves rising and falling while being covered by a light blanket of early morning fog. Usually, I’m steadied by the sight of waves but not today. I run my hands over my face to shake off the last bit of sleep and I stand from my bed. The loud knocking on my door nearly sends me to grab my blunderbuss, but the thickly accented voice of my quartermaster calms me.

“Captain! You alright in there? I heard you yell bloody murder in there and came to check on you.” I deeply sigh in mild embarrassment as I pull off my sleeping clothes and change. I recognized the voice as Brian ‘Mad Eyes’ Livingstone. He was my Master Gunner and the fifth and final member of my inner circle.

“Aye, Mad Eyes, I’m alright. Just a bad dream is all.” A hearty laugh emerges deep from his gut, sometimes he makes me want to throw him overboard and let someone else tend to the cannons. 

“Our good old Captain Grimace having nightmares huh?” He teases, but his tone grows solemn almost frighteningly quickly. “Was it about Lost Soul?”

A short silence, I look down at my sash. It’s blue, the same shade as the sky. It was his favorite color. “Aye…” I didn’t want to talk about him anymore so I hastily snapped. “Get back to your position.”

“Of course.” I hear his hurried footsteps fade away, and I tie the sash tightly around my thick waist. I turn to my mirror, I never thought I looked nice in blue, but my Soul insisted I did. He bought this for me from a shop in Havana and gave it to me after we embarked. I remembered his soft smile as he handed the wrapped package to me. A birthday gift, he said. He died a week later. What a lovely gift from the Gods as well. 

I slide my guns into their proper place and grab my dagger and sword, sliding them into place as I leave my cabin. I’m greeted with the strong scent of salt water and my barefoot crew rushing around tending to my pride and joy, The Mask of Neptune. I traipsed up the steps to the quarterdeck to see how my First Mate and Quartermaster was fairing. 

Ross ‘Fearless’ Swales was dressed in his favorite pair of trousers and bucket boots. He wore a plain white linen shirt tucked into his trousers. His sword was fastened steadily at his side as he gripped the wheel. He winked one of his blue eyes at me as I ascended the steps. 

My navigator, Suzy ‘Hex’ was staring at a sea chart while biting her lip, a compass in her other hand. It wasn’t common to have a woman as a part of your crew, but I didn’t care. I had known Suzy and my doctor, Holly ‘Voodoo’ Carlyle since we were small, and they had as much of a thirst for adventure as I did. I didn’t care what was in their pants, if they could hold their own they could sail with us. Hex was my third, and Voodoo my fourth, and I trusted them with my life. 

“Ready to take the wheel captain?” Ross said to me with a bright grin on his face. I attempt to return the gesture with a weak smile. Ross steps aside and I take his place, grasping the wheel lazily.

“Aye. Hex? What’s today's course looking like for us?” I ask, she turns to me and her black hair streaked with blonde flutters behind her in the wind. 

“For right now we’ll be going straight ahead, but because of the morning fog, we need to keep our eyes out on the water for any signs of danger. Once it clears up it’ll be smooth sailing for today.” She rolls up the chart and puts it inside her cloak with a smile.

“You don’t think those shady folks from Havana will be on us at all do you?” Ross says in his thick accent with his arms crossed. It was always wise to keep an eye out for anything suspicious, but to say that Fearless was overly cautious was an understatement.

“Is our little Fearless scared?” Mad Eyes cooed while trying to pinch Ross’ cheeks, he quickly slapped his hand away and scoffed.

“That’s my nickname for a reason you  _ twat _ , and they  _ were _ shady. I’m not wrong!”

“Alright calm down you two,” I keep one hand on the wheel while stepping in between the two before another fistfight emerges. “Voodoo already has her work cut out for her just with you two. We’ll keep our eyes out, just like always, and if trouble emerges we’ll handle it. Just like always.” I raise my eyebrows to the both of them to conclude the quarrel.

“It’s going to take another week to get to the island wouldn’t it?” Voodoo asked.

“Aye, should be smooth sailing from here on out. We won’t need to restock for a couple of weeks after we get the treasure.” Hex said rubbing her chin.

“And that’s without any sort of… issues.” 

“Don’t jinx us!” Mad Eyes pleaded. 

“We have to be prepared for the worst, we all know this,” I interject. “Before we know it we will be on that island practically  _ swimming _ in riches. We just have to make the best of the journey, despite trials and tribulations if they come our way. Right now we must keep our eyes out, you all know what to do.” The group nods at my optimistic words, and with that, they return to their places on deck. I stand more comfortably and put both hands back on the wheel. I breathe in deeply and relish in the fresh air blowing in my face.

Through the thick fog, I manage to see the croppings of craggy rocks, the waves gently kiss up on the jagged sides. I curse harshly under my breath. “Hard turn to port!” I yell, giving a warning to my crew. I silently pray to Neptune that I’m not going so far inland that the ship gets stuck in a sandbank. We were in the most dangerous area for a ship of my size to pass through. But I knew I could do it, it was the quickest way to get to the treasure. I was sure I could maneuver through the rocks without crashing. The wind ruffles my dark hair as I grip the wheel and turn it to the left. I narrowly avoid more rocks, threatening to take a stab at my beloved ship. I’m wondering if I should change course to avoid the outcropping of rocks when I hear a faint voice.

My head seems to move on its own toward the island that I can vaguely see. I fumble with my coat to pull out my spyglass. I focus on the island, but closer to me is another outcropping of rocks, and that's where the man rested. On one of the rocks is a man with practically glowing skin and a tangled mass of damp hair. Even more shocking, where his legs are supposed to be there’s a brightly colored, iridescent tail. I loosen my grip on the wheel and turn the dial on the spyglass to get a better look at the man’s face. He almost looks like… _ no _ . It can’t be. I hear thunder in the back of my head, reminding me of that night. The man’s blue eyes meet mine through the spyglass, his quiet voice fades all too quickly and he jumps into the water with a small splash. He disappeared right before my eyes.

I look ahead of me, still dazed, to meet a massive rock. The bow of the ship is heading straight towards it. “Brace yourself!” I yell to the crew and I barely notice that all of them are stood still, looking in the direction of the man. I clasp the wheel in my hands, pulling it to the left with all of my strength. My heart grows heavy as I hear the sound of my beautiful ship’s starboard side groan and splinter against the rock. I steer us through the maze of rocks until we aren’t in any more danger. By now my crew is scratching their heads and wondering what happened.

I feel a solid hand seize my shoulder, I turn to see that it’s Ross. His eyes are dilated and hazy but his hands are steady as he removes my hands from the wheel and takes over the wheel himself. A part of me wants to jump into the water and swim to that beautiful man I saw, but I snap back into my captain mindset. I stomp down the steps onto the main deck. “Splinter!” I yell, searching for my Carpenter. 

He turns to me from the side of the ship, presumably checking the damage and runs forward and I meet his eyes. He too was fazed like Ross only moments ago, but he seems to have a clear mind now. “Splinter, have you had a chance to look at her?”

“Aye, Captain.”

“How is she?”

“We’re holding for now. She’s scraped up pretty bad. We would be stranded right now if it weren’t for you, Captain Grimace. I suggest Hex takes us to the nearest island village so we can stop to make repairs. While we’re docked, we can careen her and get rid of the nasty barnacle from her bottom.” I nod to him and turn to Suzy, who is already leaning over one of her charts. 

“Hex!” I bark.

“Aye, Captain! There’s a nearby island with the town of Ecrin. They should have what we need. Should take us just until nightfall to get there.”

“Alright.” I turn back to Splinter. “Can we last that long?”

“Aye. As long as we make haste.”

I turn and head back up to the quarterdeck, leaning against the rail near Ross.

“What happened back there Fearless? I was steering and then I heard a man singing. Everyone was stood still. The crash didn’t even wake you.”

“I’ve no idea Grimace. But I heard a woman singing, are you sure it was a man? It could’ve been a siren.” Ross was serious, but I chuckled at the ridiculous notion. Sirens didn’t exist. It was just another fairy tale told to children. But, he saw a woman? Why did I see a man then? Was I confused? “But thank the gods you weren’t affected. No doubt we all would’ve perished along with The Mask of Neptune.” Why wasn’t I affected like the rest of my crew? Questions were swimming through my head, but I take a deep breath to regain my focus.

I nodded, acknowledging his thanks. “I’m sure I was just seeing things from the panic and seasickness. Ross, you need rest. Go below and sleep until we dock. You look like you just crawled out of the garbage.” I said with a lighthearted smile. 

“Aye, Captain.” He sighed and stepped away from the wheel, I took his place. Not before long the fog faded away and I could see the tiny speck of Ecrin in the distance. We made good time since nightfall wasn’t for a few more hours. I pulled our ship up to the dock and trod down the steps, grabbing a cabin boy and telling him to wake Fearless. Ross was far better with people than I. I was lousy at making deals. Whenever I would try to smile it would turn into a brooding grimace. My old first mate had given me my famous nickname on our first voyage after I had completely failed in bargaining for a new wheel. Ever since he had taken over that role for me. When he died, the job fell to Ross along with being my quartermaster. He did a handsome job at both, but Lost Soul could knock a price down by the thousands with the flash of a bright quirky smile and a heart-stopping wink. 

I swallow hard at the thought of him. This day was getting to be too much. Too much had happened and too many memories were beginning to distract me.

After making sure that the crew was settled, I decided to go for a walk just as night started to fall. The buildings were painted colors of bright orange, yellow, and red, though the colors were fading and chipping off. The segments of unlaced ground were muddy from a recent storm and my boots squished and slipped over it. A clothesline hung back and forth from two balconies, and I could see one roof had gotten torn apart from the nasty storm. Most people were inside for the night but there were a few drunken stragglers still milling about lusting after beautiful women. This wasn’t the fanciest town, but no one here was completely poor. Before I knew it I was coming to a more deserted part of town. I could see an unexplored area that led to a vast tropical forest, but I didn’t dare explore while it was almost pitch black. I walked along the shore until I was so far away I couldn’t hear the jaunty laughter and music of Ecrin anymore. 

Before long I found myself near an entrance to a cave, I peer inside but it’s empty and dark. A splash nearby catches my attention. My breath catches and I turn just in time to see the edge of colorful tail sink into the water. I shake my head, I must be seeing things again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter will be added every Wednesday and Saturday, so be sure to mark your calendars ;)  
> (Also the man "Splinter" in this chapter is meant to be Markiplier!)

I sit upon one of the rocks near the shoreline and stare into the waters sinking depths. The weight of everything that has happened today catches up with me all at once and I choke back a sob. Things are much harder than they used to be. I love being a captain, it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Although, sometimes I can’t catch a break. Sure, we find some treasure and everything’s alright for a while, but then a storm hits and I’m haunted by the memories of what happened five years ago. It’s so hard without him here. He would help me relax when the pressure of the job got to be too much for me. For the past five years, I’ve been working towards an unseen goal with no breaks and no end in sight, it was like I was on autopilot. Maybe I should take on the name ‘Lost Soul’ now that he’s gone?

I often got so lost in my work that Lost Soul would have to drag me out of the dark depths of my mind and sing for me. We would dance around in my cabin and jest with each other. In those moments I so badly lusted for something more than clasps on the back and brief hugs. I tried so desperately to distract myself from his lips while he sang or his body while he danced, but nothing worked. No woman could do the trick. I had once tried to start something with Suzy, she’s more beautiful than the stars and I couldn’t bring myself to do anything besides momentarily kiss her. With Lost Soul, I could barely resist the urge to kiss him every time we danced together. 

There was something about  _ him _ that caused me to never look at anyone else the same way. Ever since he died, I hadn’t even bothered distracting myself. No one could make me feel anything like I felt when I was with him. Everyone praised me for being so brave. ‘Captain Grimace, fiercer than the god Neptune!’ And ‘Captain Grimace, he’ll steal your woman’s heart with just a glance!’And ‘No one is as brave as he, for he has faced the seven seas and lived!’ But they were all so wrong, I was a coward. I could have told my Lost Soul that there was no one else, that there would never be anyone else. I could have told him that he was all I wanted. But I was too much of a coward, and now he’s gone. He’s truly lost now. 

I fall onto my back and look up into the night sky, the stars wink at me from the depths of the cosmos. The gods were with me today, I’m thankful that none of my crew was hurt after that “siren” mishap. Ross was madder than Brian sometimes I swear it. I didn’t know how to explain what had happened or how to explain why all of my crew was in a daze, but I knew for sure that it wasn’t a siren. 

I get up from my rock perch and trod down the beach, I’ll be sure to come back to this place, I’m sure it was underestimated in its nighttime beauty. I make my way back into town and it’s eerily silent, the people are slumbering in their homes, and I’m almost sure I’m the only one awake at this hour. I quietly make my way to the inn my crew is staying at and venture to the room I share with Ross. I collapse onto my bed after shedding most of my clothing and I think I instantly fall asleep. 

_  
  


The morning comes and by the time I wake the crew is already hard at work. I stalk up to Splinter, who is sawing a long stretch of wood. “Morning, Splinter.”

He sets the saw down and turns to face me, wiping his sweaty brow with the back of his hand. “Oi, Captain Grimace. How are you fairing?”

“Just fine. I would know how long will the repairs take and how much is this costing us.”

“It could take anywhere from two weeks to two months. Depends on the weather and if the town has the necessary supplies, or if we need to get things shipped in from a neighboring town. Fearless cut us a good deal so it shouldn’t be too expensive, but again, that depends on if we need materials to be shipped in.” He ran his hand through his thick black hair as he spoke. 

“Alright. I’ll leave you to your work.”

“Aye, Captain.”

I saunter off back into the main town and head to a tavern. As soon as I sit down, a lady with a busting bosom and dark hair makes her way to my table. “Care for a drink, sir?”

“Some food please, whatever you have the most of. And I’ll just have water.”

“Aye sir, I’ll fetch that for you.” A few moments later she sets a plate down in front of me with still warm steak. I hand the maiden a few coins from my purse and dig into my food. 

While I eat, my mind fills with a thought of the cave I visited last night, and my hallucination of the tail I saw in the water. When the maiden comes by to refill my water glass I ask her about the cave.

“Ah, folks say that the place is haunted.”

“Haunted?” I was never one to believe in things like ghost and demons that wandered about. In my mind, demons were human beings. 

“Aye, sir. They say they hear voices even when there’s no one inside. The folks here are scared, no one goes by there anymore. They haven’t for the past four years.”

“Interesting, thank you for the information.” She nods her head and walks to another group of gentlemen who grope her with no shame. After I eat, I leave my plate and glass on the table and wander through the streets again. The town looks far better at dusk when everything looks better than it actually is because it’s so dark. I notice that there are many more buildings that have fallen into disarray. Some buildings look like they are ready to fall down as soon as the next storm hits. I hope that by paying for the repairs of my ship that it will help this town get back on their feet. 

Before I know it I find myself heading towards the entrance to the cave again. As I approach, I swear I see a head of dark hair duck into the entrance. I hurry my feet to catch up to the figure, but they’re already gone by the time I’ve made it to the entrance. Even with the sun high overhead, it’s dim inside. I can barely make out the huge cave. It far too dark to even see properly, but it is quite vast. With a huge pool of water near the right side, the water isn’t still, as if something had disturbed the pool. I step back into daylight before I’m tempted to investigate further. I don’t know exactly what I saw heading to this cave, or if I saw anything at all. I have been seeing things lately, maybe there’s something Voodoo can conjure up to fix these visions. But I won’t bother her for right now. I settle onto the same rock I did last night and admire the crystal waters that lay at my feet. 

A part of me feels guilty for not helping my crew with the repairs, but they all insist I stay as far away as possible from anything that has to do with fixing things. I know I’m terrible at it but I’m not  _ that _ bad. I grab a stick from the beach and began whittling it with one of my knives. 

Before I knew it, hours had passed and the sun began to descend across the sky. The orange sky was leaking onto the deep blue horizon. I remember that when I was a child the sunset and the night sky had always fueled my adventurous spirit, and it only made me want to see the world more. To see the sunset, the moon, and the stars in different parts of the world. I wanted to see everything, as long as Lost Soul by my side.

I get up from the rock and pick up small stones along the beach, putting the more particularly interesting ones away in my coat pocket. I begin to throw them out into the water, skipping the more flat ones. I repeat my rock throwing routine until I see the moon ascending into the cloudless sky. Pisces is the first constellation I can identify, and I can’t help but smile at it. Lost Souls birthday was in March, so every time I saw it since his death, I’d think of him even more than I already do for the whole month.

I hear the rustling of sand from behind me, I put my hand on the knife strapped to my thigh and quickly turn around. A dark figure is standing at the entrance to the cave, the same figure from earlier, which the large mass of hair. They quickly try to dart away into the cave at the sight of me. “Wait!” I get up from my seat and stick my hands out towards them, “I’m not going to hurt you, I promise.” The figure stops and slowly turns to me, they’re hunched over, but I can tell that they’re about my height. I cannot see the figures face, only the hair sticking out from underneath the black hood they’re wearing. I take a step towards them, but they dart into the cave at an alarming speed. I stand up straight and sigh, probably just a peasant looking for a place to stay for the night.

I look at the place where they were standing and I see a trail of their footprints. I begin to follow their trail until I reach the shore on the other side of the beach. It appears the figure emerged from the water, but I probably just lost the trail at some point and the water washed some prints away. I see a small glint from underneath the water's surface, I lean down to inspect and I see a gold coin partially buried in the sand. I pick it up and briefly examine it before pocketing it. Must be my lucky day. With that, I begin walking back along the beach into town and make way to the inn. The figure clouds my thoughts, could it have been the same figure I saw the night before? I hope I’m not disturbing anyone’s private space on that beach. 

I reach the inn and make my way into my room. Ross is sound asleep, snoring lightly. I’d tease him about it in the morning. I sit down on my bed and fiddle with the coin I found on the beach. It must have been dropped by someone, but who? I set it down on my nightstand as I begin to strip off my clothing. If I continue to be the subject of strange happenings anymore I might just go crazy. Maybe all of my questions will be answered in due time. At least that was what I hoped.


	3. Chapter 3

    I don’t even bother to head to the tavern today, I’m not hungry and all I want to do is go back to the beach and that cave. Although I won’t be able to do that for a while today. I spend the day fumbling over my papers and sea charts with Hex. Luckily, this island is only a few days trip from the treasure. We’re so close to it, yet so far.

“Captain, how are we doing on funds? I know we didn’t plan for a stop for supplies. Plus it turns out that we do need to ship in materials from a neighboring island. This can’t be cheap.”

I sigh, fumbling with one of the ornate buckles on my clothing. “We’ll be fine once we get to the treasure. Don’t worry about it.” I didn’t want to tell her the details. We were low, but we’ve been in worse situations with less money and made it out just fine. The same would happen here, I was sure of it.

After many grueling hours of planning, the night is falling and I hastily make the long walk to the cave. Once I’m there, yet again I see the same frizzy brown hair as I did yesterday. They don't seem to have noticed me yet, they’re too busy fiddling with the coin purse attached to their belt. “Wait!” I call, quickening my pace to them.

The figure halts it’s movements and looks to me. It’s now so dark that even from this distance I can’t see its features. They're no longer hunched over like yesterday and now it is confirmed that they are indeed as tall as I am, maybe even taller.

“Who are you?”

“Who are you?” It was a man's voice. He turns the question back around on me but I don’t mind it. After finally hearing him speak I realize that there’s something familiar about him. The man was dressed in dark greys and black, he wore knee-high black boots, tight grey trousers, a black tunic with a belt around his middle, and a long black coat with a hood. The coat faded from black to a navy blue, like nighttime out on the sea. I could only see his chin to his nose, he had stubble growing along his jaw and around his mouth. Not quite a five o’ clock shadow, maybe three.

“I’m Captain Arin Grimace. I rammed the side of my ship a few days back and now we’re here repairing it.”

“Well, that wasn’t very smart.” He says, his smooth voice laced with sass.

“I didn’t do it on purpose. It was an accident. What kind of person would purposefully ram their ship into a rock?”

“I was jesting.” He deadpans. He has a light accent. It doesn’t sound anything like what the people here sound like, it actually resembles mine.

“Oh.” I pray to any god that he can’t see my darkened red face. As we’re left in silence I pray for my eyes to adjust just enough so I can see more identifiable features, but to no luck.

“I’ll be going then.” He says, breaking the silence and already taking a step backward.

“Wait,” I say, taking another step forward to grasp his arm. I can’t tell even through his heavy coat he’s a thin man, I can feel the tension in his body.

“What?”

“Can I see you tomorrow?” I find myself asking.

“Why do you want to?”

“Truthfully, I don’t know.”

He thinks for a moment, shrugging himself out of my grasp. “Okay, same time, though. No earlier, no later.” He points a finger at my face to emphasize.

“Okay.” He turns to the cave and starts to walk in before I call out. “Hold on, what am I supposed to call you?”

He hesitates and turns towards me again. “You can call me Leigh.” He turns around and darts inside the cave. More questions enter my mind but before I can think to ask them, and he’s already disappeared. I try to look inside the cave but the moon isn’t out so there is even less light than last time. How is Leigh even able to see?

“Leigh.” The name rolled off my tongue. I’m not sure why I said it out loud, but I didn’t stop myself from saying it again. “Leigh.” I smiled, maybe my first real smile in a long time.

  
  


The next day I try to fill my day with as many things as possible, just to make time seemingly go by faster. Night can’t come any sooner. I’m too impatient to go down there at nightfall, so I decided just to go at sunset and wait until Leigh arrives. I watch small schooners make their way into the docks before the sun gets too low, and the waters steadily calm from the lack of activity. I remember the tune of the song the man was singing from when we nearly crashed, and I can’t help but whistle it. It was beautiful and intriguing, a part of me wishes I could hear the whole song. I watch the stars slowly appear in the sky, and I try to invent new constellations until I suddenly nearly have a heart attack.

“How long have you been sitting here for?” It was the voice of Leigh, I hadn’t even heard him coming. I nearly fall off my rock into the water, and it gets a small chuckle out of him. As if his voice wasn’t enticing enough, his laugh was nearly musical too.

“Uh… well a couple of hours now, I can be rather impatient sometimes…sorry I didn’t come when you asked to.” I admit as I turn to him and stand up from the rock.

“It’s alright, I knew you wouldn’t find me, so I wasn’t worried.” He turns around and starts walking towards the cave. He sits down on one side of the entrance, and I follow his lead and sit on the opposite side of the cave. I find myself watching him and he almost startles me again when he speaks. “I would imagine you have lots of questions.”

“‘Lots’ is an understatement.” He chuckles again, I wish I could see his smile under that hood. There’s a short silence until Leigh breaks it again.

“Well?”

“Well, what?”

“What questions do you have? I’ll answer them as best as I can.”

“Oh. Well… I guess I’ll start with how come I can’t see you any earlier than now?”

He’s quiet for a moment, sighing softly before he answers. “Truthfully, I just don’t want you to see my face. You wouldn’t like what you see.”

“I highly doubt th-“ He sticks out a finger to shush me.

“Just trust me. Any other questions?”

“Yeah actually, what’s a man like you doing lurking around in a cave late at night?” I’m starting to get the feeling that this man is going to be a real pain in the ass.

“I don’t belong anywhere else.” He says solemnly. He turns to look out at the water, and the light from the moon lights up the tip of his nose downward. He has a sharp chin and jaw, it seems to be that he’s nearly all angles. I sympathize with this stranger, I know how to feels to not belong somewhere. I find myself saying those words out loud to him. He’s silent as he looks out to the water.

“How long have you been on this island?” I finally ask.

“I can remember the past five years, but I don’t know if I’ve been here longer.”

“You can’t remember?”

“Aye. I remember bits and pieces as time goes on. But all I really remember is just, showing up here one day.” He throws up this arms as he said this, “I couldn’t remember anything else other than my name.”

“You really are a mysterious man, Leigh.”

He laughs, a real laugh this time. It’s contagious, I can’t help but laugh along with him.

Our laughs trickle down to a sober silence. “When I’m feeling alone or lost I just look up. That’s the great thing about being on the sea all the time. I just look up and you’re blinded by all the stars and you’ve got the water to back you up.”

“I know what you mean.”

“The stars have been a part of my life since I can remember. When I was little I would-”

“Sneak outside and stare at them.” He finishes for me and I can’t think of anything to say.

“How did you know that?” I manage to ask.

He shrugs, still looking at the stars. “I think I did the same thing.” We sit in a comfortable silence. Eventually, I shift until I’m laying on the ground, cool sand going down my shirt and an endless view of the stars. After I move, he follows suit so we’re shoulder to shoulder. Our arms are pressed together and I shiver unintentionally. Leigh is very cold, but I don’t really mind.  

“Why do you love the sea?” He asks, and I search for an answer.

“It was always there. I lived on an island like this when I was younger and when I snuck out I would go to the beach and lay just like this. My best friend often joined me. We’d count the stars but lose count after twenty. We point out the constellations and see who could name the most, he always won. When we were older, and we had made enough money to buy my ship, we set sail together. Just me and him at first, then my childhood friends Suzy and Holly wanted to come along, then we picked up Ross and Brian later. I was an angry kid for no reason. I just hated everything and everyone, except him and the sea.”

“You really do love the sea.” It was more of a statement than an observation.

“Yeah,” I sighed. “What do you love?”

“The same as you. When I woke up here, the sea made me feel safe. Of course, I didn’t belong in the town with these people, so I spent my time with the waves. When I wasn’t swimming I would sit on the rock you were sitting on before and dry off. I don’t have a reason, I just feel...better when I’m near the water. That and singing. I love singing as well.”

I didn’t know what it was about Leigh, but it was so easy to talk to him and listen to him. There was never an awkward pause. When there was silence between us, it was comfortable, never awkward. As the night passed on I found myself dozing in the sand next to him. When I was awoken by the morning sun hours later, he was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

I spend most of the next few days in a strange trance. I can’t help but think of Leigh. Even when I manage to shift my thoughts to something important, my mind always wanders back to him. All I want to do is be next to him and talk to him. It’s strange because I’ve only known him for a few days now. It’s also strange because I’ve only ever felt like this with Lost Soul. It was mad to say I knew him, but after talking to him for hours on end, night after night, it was beginning to feel like I did. Each question he answered only left me with more questions. I wanted to know everything about him. But unfortunately, his memory loss meant I couldn’t know certain things about him. But I could tell him about my life, and he genuinely seemed interested. I don’t really talk about growing up, but before I could think about it all of my stories were just spilling out, stories that I hadn’t thought about in a long time. And I could still feel more stories within me that I was ready to tell him about. There was something comforting about Leigh, he was just so easy to talk to. 

Tonight I was going to see him again. I spent so much time inside trying to distract myself I didn’t notice the sun going down. I tried to walk there and be calm but that only lasted for about five seconds. I was running but mostly stumbling the whole way there. Lots of people stared as I passed, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I hated being late, and I didn’t want to leave a bad impression on Leigh.

I was out of breath and panting by the time I made it to the cave. It was nearly dark and I could just make out the outline of Leigh sitting on the rock. He was skipping stones like I was the day I first saw him. 

I leaned forward and braced my hands on my knees, desperately trying to catch my breath. Once my breathing had slowed and my heart stopped beating as fast as a schooner, I made my way to Leigh.

He turned as soon as he heard my footsteps a bright smile across his lips, my heart stopped and started all over again. “Hello, friend.”

Hearing him call me his friend delighted me more than it should have. “Hello.” I tried to say, but it only came out as a wheeze. 

He chuckled and pulled a pouch from his side. “Want some water?” I accepted and greedily drank it.

“I didn’t realize the time, and I didn’t want to be late or have you think I wasn’t going to show…” I gulped some more water.

“So you ran here.” He finished, and I nodded. “I knew you would come, you’ve been coming here every day since you arrived on this island.”

A realization clicks into my head and I can’t help but smile. “Have you been watching me?”

Even in the darkness, I can tell he’s blushing, and it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Even if I couldn’t see it all that well. “I… well uh, I suppose you could say that…” He looks away but I wish he hadn’t.

“I don’t mind,” I assured him. “But where were you watching me from? I didn’t see or hear you.”

“That was kind of the point.”

I hesitated for a breath before I asked: “Could you show me sometime?”

“Show you my hideout?”

“Yeah.”

He paused, thinking it over but nodded. “I’ll you show you eventually, but not right now.”

“That’s fine. I want you to be comfortable with me before you show me your secrets.” I say with a smile. “I wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable or feel like I’m forcing you.”

“I am comfortable with you. It’s…strange really. But you would be the first person I’ve shown, so I need time.”

“Ah I see,” I teased “You need time to clean up the mess.” I chuckled, settling down on the rock beside him. 

“No!” He protested, laughter on his breath. “That’s not it. I am a very neat person I’ll have you know.”

“I know, I understand.” I nudged him in the shoulder playfully. It wasn’t completely dark and being this distance I could make out the deep blue of his eyes, deep blue like the sea. I relished in the fact of knowing more of his features. 

“Are you going to fall asleep on the beach again? I imagine that would have been really cold.”

“It was, but I’m used to it. It’s much colder being here at night. Are you sure we can’t meet in the daytime?”

“Yes.” He became solemn and I could feel his demeanor change as he tensed up. 

“Why not?”

He sighed, but he didn’t sound annoyed at me. More so annoyed at himself. “I don’t want you to see me.”

“Why not?” I found myself asking again.

“You won’t like what you see.”

“I’m sure that I would.”

“Just trust me.”

“I do trust you. You don’t have to feel self-conscious around me. I know what that feels like, and I don’t want you to feel that way.”

“You? Self-conscious? I can’t imagine that.”

“Well, I was. I am. It’s not that big of a deal anymore but when I was younger I didn’t like myself all that much, I still have problems with it sometimes.” I was surprised at myself for telling him this, for it was something that I had barely ever talked about with Lost Soul. Luckily, he changed the subject, maybe sensing my discomfort. 

“You talk about these adventures you’ve had when you were younger, it always seems like there was more than just you.”

“Aye, I wasn’t alone. My closest friend Lost Soul. He used to be my first mate.”

“Used to?”

“He…died.” Even acknowledging that he even  _ was _ dead formed a lump in my throat. Him being dead didn’t seem real. As if it all could’ve been a bad dream, but I knew it wasn’t. The gods didn’t care about me enough to make it not real. 

“What happened?”

“I... can’t. I can’t talk about it. If I do I’m afraid that I might break into even tinier pieces.”

“It’s alright, you don’t have to tell me.”

“I will, eventually. Just…not yet.”

He nodded and was silent for a moment before he said, “You aren’t broken, you know.” It seemed that he shifted closer to me.

“Yes, I am.” I sigh, shifting myself to be more comfortable on the rock. 

“No, Arin, you aren’t. If you were broken you wouldn’t be living your life. You aren’t broken, you’re just missing a few pieces.” His voice was softer now, but my name on his lips was music to my ears.

“Maybe I found some new ones to replace those missing parts.” He was silent as he met my gaze and I looked into his eyes. “It’s not a perfect fit, but maybe I can feel whole again, in time.”

I’m not sure if what I’m saying makes sense to him, but I feel like he understands. I can see it in his ocean colored eyes. My eyes glance at his lips unintentionally, and I realize it’s the first time I’ve ever wanted to kiss someone this badly since Lost Soul died. I think I’m going to do it when Leigh leaps up from the rock and we nearly headbutt. 

“I-I need to go.”

“Wait, Leigh,” I fear as if I have made him uncomfortable but the look I see in his eyes dissipates my fear. 

“It’s not you, I really do need to go.”

“Just wait for a second, please.” I try to reach out to him and stand up from the rock we were sharing. He doesn’t wait for me but instead runs into the cave. I don’t go after him. I turn my body so I’m facing the water again and think about what I almost did. I wonder what it would feel like. What he would have tasted like. I imagined it’d be like salt water, burning my lips in a pleasant way. It’s almost like he’s the embodiment of the sea itself. Mysterious, and he slowly draws you in. I think I may have crossed the line, but I don’t regret it. I want to kiss Leigh. I want to grasp his hair in my hands and wrap my arms around his slender waist. I want to see his whole face, without being shrouded by a hood. That familiar feeling of desire doesn’t scare me anymore. It only makes me want him even more. That feeling shutters through me even as I walk home. It stays with me as I lie down in my bed, and it definitely stays with me in my dreams. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hottubofmiracles as an ao3 account now! Go check out SunshineHead!


	5. Chapter 5

His slim hands around my neck, his long legs around my waist, his soft lips on mine. My hands tangled in his hair, and my legs supporting his weight. Small gasps, breathy moans, and shrill whimpers fill my ears. I move in time with the rock of the boat, and it was deliciously torturous for the both of us. My name on his lips, only getting louder, and louder, and louder until-

“Arin! By the Gods will you just wake up already?” 

I shoot upwards in my bed, almost bashing Fearless in the face. My body was hot and I was breathing heavily. I quickly realize that I was caught up in a dream, and I wish I could go back. Fearless is looking at me with a worried expression on his face. “You should go to Voodoo about your nightmares Captain, you were moaning in your sleep and you wouldn’t wake up. You really worried me for a moment there.”

“Oh…yeah, I’m sorry about that…” I wasn’t about to admit that it wasn’t a nightmare. Not now at least. “Just give me some time, I’ll be up in a moment.” I sigh and rub over my bearded face with my hands. Strangely, I hadn’t had a nightmare since the anniversary of Lost Soul’s death. 

“Of course sir…but if I may I’d like to talk to you.” He looked away nervously.

“Oh, well of course, what is it?”

“Well sir, quite frankly I’ve been worried about you.” He said as he began to pace our shared inn room. “You’ve been going to that beach every day ever since we’ve been here, and I don’t think it’s healthy for you to be there all by yourself.” 

Suddenly a pang of guilt strikes me in my heart, I didn’t think about how my daily absence would affect the rest of my crew. To reassure him I have to tell him at least a little bit about Leigh. “I really appreciate your concern about me Fearless, and I’m sorry I’ve worried you. But I’m all honesty I haven’t been alone when I go there…”

The last part of my sentence piques his interest. “Oh really? Who are you going there with?” He gives me a sly smile and I return it.

“There’s a man there, his name is Leigh, I’ve been talking to him for the past few days and getting to know him. He’s a very kind man.” I smile just thinking about his bright smile and ocean blue eyes.

“You should introduce me to him sometime, but as long as you aren’t alone I suppose it’s alright.” He says as he rubs his chin. “I just… care about you, sir.” Fearless isn’t one to share his feelings often, but when he does it’s a treat. 

“I appreciate it, Ross. Thank you, truly.” I smile at him again, and with that, he leaves.

I take a deep breath trying to properly wake myself and rid myself of the thoughts of Leigh that still cling to my mind. It had been two days since our almost kiss, and I hadn’t seen him since then. I had been there each night but he didn’t show. I truly missed him, and not because I wanted to kiss him or bury myself between his thighs. I missed our conversations. I missed his quiet chuckle and his deep blue eyes. I missed his giant mass of curly hair that was always hidden under his hood. I wanted him back.

Tonight I would see him. And if he wasn’t there, I would head into the cave and look for him myself. 

-  


The day passed surprisingly quickly. The shipment of wood and other supplies had finally arrived from a nearby town. It did take a chunk of our money but at least this time I could help my crew by unloading the supplies. The sun was beginning to set by the time we were done and I didn’t have time to wash off the grime and sweat of the day. 

I strolled through the town until I got to the entrance to the cave, The sun was almost past the horizon and it so dark I could barely see. But I could see the faint outline of Leigh sitting on our rock. My mood instantly brightened and I smiled. 

“Leigh!” I called, jogging up to him. “Where have you been?”

He turned to me and gave me a sheepish smile. “Right… I’m sorry about that. I had to go on a little… trip.” He looked away, embarrassed.

“Oh, well you could’ve left me a note.” He was silent as he picked at his fingernails. “You can read and write can’t you?”

There was a small silence. “No… Well, yes I do, but I don’t remember how.” He looked away again. 

“Well, we can change that.” I search the beach for any sort of makeshift writing utensil until I found a stick buried in the sand. “We can start with your name.”

“Alright.” He stands from the rock and I hand him the stick. We kneel down in the sand, and I slowly take his hand in mine. He quickly glanced at me and I began showing him how to draw the letters and sounding out his name. His handwriting surprisingly wasn’t sloppy, even when it was written in sand with a stick. It was neat and he had a certain flair to it. Each of his letters ended in some kind of curl. My heart hurt because it reminded me of Lost Souls handwriting in the notes we would write to each other growing up. After we wrote out his name, we started with the basic alphabet and how to sound out a word he wanted to write to figure out the spelling. 

By nearly sunrise, he was able to write a complete basic sentence. It wasn’t that hard because as we worked on it, he started to remember how to write. 

An idea sparked in my brain and I realized I had to make haste. “Wait, I’ll be right back. I’ll be fast I promise.” And I run from the beach, into town, and to the inn as fast as my legs can carry me. I grab the things I need from my room and put them into my coat. As I make my way back to the beach, I see him wiring in the sand again. When he sees me, he wipes his hand across whatever he was writing. Once I reach him I pull out a quill, inkwell, and several pieces of rolled up parchment.

“Here, I want you to have these. Practice until we meet again. We can work on reading sentences more tomorrow.”

His look of shock slowly began to morph into a wide bright smile, but he looked unsure. “Are you sure I can take these?”

“Yes, I’m very sure. I have more and I can always buy more if need be. Use them, practice.”

“I will.” He grasped my hand in his as we shook hands goodbye. We lingered, holding each other’s hands for far too long. His hand was still freezing cold, but it was pleasant for my all too warm hand. 

“Goodbye, Leigh,” I say, not knowing what else I could say. Everything else sounded stupid in my head.

He nodded and headed into the cave. I wanted to follow him and give him a proper goodbye that would leave both of us breathless, but I was still unsure if that was what he wanted. I remember what he was doing before I came back, and I try to search for any remaining signs of writing, but to no avail. Sighing, I made my way back to the inn and managed to take off my clothes before collapsing into bed and falling asleep. 


	6. Chapter 6

Once I awake the next morning, I quickly put on my clothes and go into town. I ask around for different types of shops in the area, and someone told me of the one kind I was looking for. I make my way to the small bookstore on the outskirts of town, once I reach the building I admire its modest size but intricate paint job and detailing. It seems it’s the only building in town that isn’t badly damaged. I walk inside of the building and immediately indulge myself in the smell of old books and ink. An elderly woman is behind the counter, mending the spine of a large book. She looks up at me and gives me a kind smile.

“Hello there lad, how may I help you?”

“I was wondering if you had any feather quills in stock?” I asked as I drummed my fingertips on my thigh.

“Indeed I do lad, come along this way. I had just received a shipment of exotic quills from the East. Quite beautiful if I do say.” She spoke as she guided me to a part of the building that specialized in writing utensils and supplies. The quills were beautifully encapsulated in wooden boxes with gold trim, some were in empty inkwells to be on display. Each feather had different intensities of bright colors 

“They truly are beautiful,” I say as I admire the feathers. There was one that caught my eye as being the brightest blue quill on display. Iridescent blue blending in with a deep navy as it goes towards the nib of the pen. It reminded me of the blue sky melding in with the sea, it was perfect. “Miss, how much for this blue one here?”

She turns her attention to the quill and she smiles widely. “Ah yes, I quite like this one a lot. The feather of an Indian roller bird. Reminds me of the sea.” 

“Me too,” I say, thinking of a certain someone’s eyes.

“It’ll be five gold, but since I like you I’ll knock it down to four.” She smiles and I hesitate, it’s pricey for a quill, but I knew it’d be worth it in the end. “I’ll take it, thank you. Can I also get some ink bottles and a book of plain parchment please?”

“Of course. I’ll gather that for you, just meet me at the front desk.”

I nodded but decided to wander through the aisles while I waited. I realized I hadn’t gotten any new books in a few years, I’d never stopped at a store that sold them. When I was inclined to read, I would just reread the ones I already had. Maybe it was time for something new. I picked up  _ The Silent World  _ which seemed to be a science fiction novel, and  _ Sonnets Lussuriosi _ . I didn’t know what the latter was about as the title was in Italian, but it seemed interesting. 

I carried my books to her desk and said, “These too.”

She blushes a little as she sees the title of the books. I’m about to ask if she’s alright but she speaks before I do. “Alright, all these together will be… nine gold.” I nod and count out the pieces and then hand them to her. I take the books and the parchment and put them in my satchel but decide to put the ink and quill and my coat pocket so they are less likely to spill over. “It was a pleasure doing business with you lad, come back any time.” The woman said with a bright smile, and I nod my head to her. I head back to my room at the inn and start reading the science fiction novel. It’s quite interesting and wonderful to read something new. I wonder if Leigh would like any of my old books now that he’s relearning to read. 

I get up from my desk and head to the bookshelf that the inn has provided for us. I managed to grab a few of my books before I left the ship, I wonder which ones he’ll like the most. I have  _ Paradise Lost _ which has some poetry. There’s also  _ Technical Curiosa _ which was about scientific and medical technology. I didn’t find it that interesting, but maybe Leigh would. I also had _ Mundus Subterraneus  _ which was mainly about geography, I find that one fascinating. 

I decided to give him  _ Mundus Subterraneus _ and  _ Paradise Lost. _ The poetry was really beautiful and I thought that maybe knowing some more geography would help trigger his memory in some way. 

I read a few more chapters of my book until the sun was starting to set. I filled my satchel with the books and also brought along the new book I had already begun reading. I made sure I had everything before leaving the room and rammed straight into Ross. 

“Oi, Captain.” He gives me a friendly salute, and I return it. “Heading off to see Leigh again?”

“Aye.”

“Don’t stay out too late, it’s not good for your health to be falling asleep at sunrise all the time.” He cocks an eyebrow at me and I just roll my eyes. 

“How do you know I come in at sunrise?”

“I hear you come in, I’m not deaf you know.” He jests.

“Ah, sorry mate. I’ll be quieter.”

He laughed. “It’s alright Captain, you’re snoring is much worse.”

I chuckled and moved past Ross, if I didn’t leave now I would be late. “Goodbye Ross, have a nice night.”

“Aye, you too.” He winks at me as I close the door to our room. I grasped the straps of my satchel to keep it from moving too much as I make haste to the cave entrance. 

Leigh was already there, and he seemed to be practicing his writing. A smile blossoms across my face as soon as I see him. “Oi, Leigh!”

He looks up, a smile appearing on his face as well. “Arin, I have something for you.” 

“You do?” I feel a blush spread across my cheeks. “I’ve got something for you as well.”

He smiles softly, almost mischievously. “Here’s mine.” He hands me a scrap of parchment. I struggle to see the words in the dim light, but I manage to make it out.

__ _  Dear Arin, _

_    You’re a bilge rat. The worst kind there is. _

_    Yours truly, Leigh _

 

“Leigh, that’s so rude,” I say in mock hurt. He busts out in his melodic laughter and I find myself laughing too. I can’t help but be proud that he managed to write a letter to me, even if it was an insult. His handwriting had evolved into a pretty cursive. He must have been practicing all day. My heart warmed from the signature. “ _ Yours truly, _ ” I knew it probably meant nothing, but it made my heart swell nonetheless.

“I have something for you too.” I pull out the two books from my satchel. “These are a few old books of mine that I’ve already read a dozen times. I think you’ll like them. When you come to a word that you don’t recognize I want you to write down the page number and the word. Then we can practice when we meet again.” I pull out the parchment book, blue quill, and the ink. “That’s what these are for.”

Leigh’s face was the picture of shock as he took in my gifts. “Arin, this is too much.”

“Nonsense. It’s a gift. Take them, please.”

“If you insist…” He set the books and the parchment and ink on the rock, but held the quill in his hand, studying it. “This is so beautiful, it looks like the ocean.”

“And your eyes.” I froze, not meaning to say that out loud. He met my eyes and I can make out the streak of red across his cheeks that probably matched my own. I didn’t realize how close we were to each other, I was close enough to reach out and touch his lips with my thumb. Before I knew it we were drifting closer to each other until he was just a breath away. He still held the quill in his hand. “That’s why I picked it. It reminded me of you.”

“I love it.” He spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. 

I was absolutely breathless, I was wanting, yearning to close the distance between us all at once, but I was too afraid. All I could do was slowly inch forward. He did the same until our lips were merely centimeters apart, our foreheads resting against each other. His warm breath fanned my face as I slowly reached my hands out to wrap my arms around his waist and bring him closer to me. It was exactly like I had imagined it, I could feel how cool his skin was even through the thin material of his clothes. It was taking everything in me not to slam him up against the wall of the cave and wreck his lips with mine, I shuddered just at the thought of it. Although, I was determined to let him make the first move, even as I stared at his rosy lips. I could hear the drumbeat of my heart in my ears. Surely his heart was beating as fast as mine was or he would’ve pushed me away by now. Leigh set the quill down on the rock and his hands moved from his sides slowly up to my hair. I shuddered again as his cold fingers intertwined with medium brown locks of my hair and he kept his hand on my neck, barely there as if he were a ghost. I splayed my hands across his back, feeling him wholly pressed up against me. 

“Leigh,” I breathed in a silent request. Before I could think of what to say next, I lost all control of myself and gently pressed my lips against his. I nearly stopped breathing entirely. I stood still for a moment, shocked that this was actually happening. I pulled away for a moment, breaking out of the trance I was in, breathing hard and looking into those ocean blue eyes. By the Gods, I swear they darkened in color, they were now the same color of the deep sea, the point where light no longer reaches the endless depths. I pressed my lips against his again, testing the feeling. My heart fluttered as I could feel his heart beating rapidly against my chest. 

I pulled away again, wanting to look into those navy eyes again. “I’m sorry. I should have asked you fir-” I’m interrupted by him pulling my neck towards him and feverishly pressing his lips against mine again, this time I don’t pull away.

I stood up from the beach and he soon followed suit. I grabbed his hand and slowly lead him back, back, backward until we were inside the cave and he was pressed against the wall. His fingers pulled at my hair as I lifted him up against me, his legs instinctually wrapping around my waist as we were truly pressed against each other. I furrowed my brow as I kissed him, not wanting to be separated for another moment. My hands pushed his shirt up to spread over his stomach, still cold despite the heat bubbling between us. His fingers tugged harder at my hair and a moan escape from my lips. 

This was my first time kissing a man, and by the gods, it was such a different feeling than kissing a woman. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. I couldn’t get enough of him, I wanted more of him. I inadvertently ground against him and a small whimper fell from his lips. I wanted to hear that sound for the rest of my life. I ground my hips again, and the same muffled sound left his mouth. I stopped kissing him, only to travel my mouth down his jaw and along his neck, leaving a kiss each time. He tugged on my hair again, forcing me to look up at him. His face was flushed and his brows were slightly furrowed in need.

“Arin, by the gods…please, just kiss me.” I watched him lick his and bite down on his bottom lip, and I wondered what else he could do with his tongue. His voice was hoarse, and he sounded so breathless and so sexy as I smirked and captured his lips on mine again. I experimentally ran my tongue along his bottom lip as we kissed, and he greedily took my tongue in his mouth. My mind wandered to the dream I had a few days ago, how I wanted to recreate that moment right now. I ground against him once more, savoring that delicious moan and the growing hardness between us both. I couldn’t help but let my hands wander down his thin frame to his small ass and knead it in my hands. I had wanted this for what it felt like an eternity and there was nothing I didn’t want to do to him right now. 

I steadied him against the wall as I busied my one hand with unbuttoning his shirt. His coat was still on, but I don’t think either of us cared enough to properly undress. I kissed down and down and down his chest. I didn’t even know my body could bend in this position until now. His hands were still threaded through my hair as he pulled my head from his chest back to his lips. Surprisingly, he blocked my kiss with his hand resting on my chin, lovingly spreading his thumb back and forth across my cheek. 

“We should stop for now. As much as I want to keep going…we should take a breath and settle down.” I was unable to open my eyes for a moment, I was afraid that if I did I would kiss him again and lose myself completely. When I finally could open them again I could see his cheeks were stained a beautiful shade of crimson deeper than before, I could tell even in the dark. His lips were completely swollen and red, as I’m sure mine was as well.

“You’re right.” He steadily unwrapped his legs from around my waist and I settled him back on the ground, reluctant to move my hands from his ass. He buttoned his shirt back up as we both made our way back to our rock. I sat down on the sand beside it and laid myself down to look at the moon and the stars. I felt Leigh lay down beside me and I hesitantly moved my hand towards him until I felt his own hand. He took the next step by threading our fingers together. I brought our joined hands up to my lips and I kiss the back of his hand, I had always wanted to do that.

“What now?” He asked as I laid out hands back in the sand. 

“I’ve got an idea.” I don’t resist the temptation to roll myself on top of him and conquer his delicious lips once again. To hell with taking a breath. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're welcome ;)


	7. Chapter 7

I really didn't want to leave him. But the sun was rising and we were both tired and our lips were swollen. I hoped Ross wouldn’t notice, I didn’t know if I would be able to come up with an excuse. But as the sun rose I kissed Leigh goodbye and made my way back to the inn, making sure to be quiet this time as I undressed for bed. I settled under the covers, unable to move my thoughts from Leigh. Not before long, I fell asleep to the thoughts of rosy lips and a scruffy chin.

 

When the morning came, I read for a few hours and did some paperwork. Ross soon interrupted me by slamming the door open and giving me quite the fright. 

“Sorry, Captain.” His blue eyes were fierce with delight and excitement. “The boat is almost done! Splinter said we’ll be able to leave in a week’s time.”

I could feel myself bubbling with joy, but something was holding me back. “That’s wonderful!”

“Aye, Captain. Sorry for disturbing you, just thought I should let you know.”

“No need to apologize, Ross. Thanks for telling me.”

He nodded his head and left the room. My thoughts drifted to Leigh. I knew I would have to leave him eventually, but I didn’t know it would be this soon. Maybe he could come with us? My heart leaped at the thought. I was sure the crew would love him, but all I knew is that I didn’t want to be separated from him any more than I already was. I couldn’t wait to see him until sundown, so with a few hours of light left I head down to the cave.

Leigh isn’t there of course, so I sit on our rock and wait. I brought along my book but I find myself unable to focus on the words. All I could think was that I was going to see a pair of blue eyes soon, and if he accepted my invitation, I might be seeing those eyes for the rest of my life. 

Shortly after the sun went down, I felt Leigh settle down on the rock next to me. He softly pecked my cheek and I smiled as I turned to him. I wasted no time in threading my fingers through his unruly hair and kissing him. He returned the kiss greedily, cool fingers resting on my neck. I broke apart from him a few moments later. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that.

He pursed his lips before answering, “Me neither.” I look away from him, staring instead out on the vast sea. “Arin?” He asks, no doubt wondering why I’m staring out like this.

“The boat is almost done. We’ll be gone by the end of the week.” 

His hands slowly leave my neck to settle in his lap. “Oh…” He doesn’t hide the disappointment in his voice.

“Leigh,” I say, taking his hands from his lap and holding them in mine. I look back at him, meeting his vacant stare. His eyes were borderline grey and full of sadness. “I want you to come with me.”

“W-what?” 

“I want you to come with me. Please come with me. We can go adventuring together, we can sail to places you’ve never been. You can see all types of animals. You’ll be able to see snow. The snow is so pretty, Leigh. It’s so quiet, I just know you’d love it. I don’t want to leave you, I just can’t. Please, come with me.” I stop myself from rambling too much longer and wait. While I wait, I gently press a kiss to the back of his hand. “Please, Leigh, be by my side. You’re the first person in a long, long time, that has made me as happy as I am now.” I can’t stop myself from saying that as I fumble with his thin fingers. 

“Arin…” He starts, and I brace myself for his rejection, but I am surprised when he instead says, “I’ll think about it. I can’t give an answer right away, so I’ll think about it for right now.”

I sigh in relief. “That’s all I ask.” And bring my lips to his once again in a brief kiss. “I do wonder though, why can’t we see each other in the daytime? I can’t really see your beautiful face in the dark.”

“I’m not sure you’d like what you see.” He looks down in his lap, shrouding his face even more.

“Are you kidding? I’ve practically felt all your features with my fingertips. I just want to see with my eyes. I’ve never even seen you without this hood.”

“Arin, please.”

“Come on, Leigh. Why can’t I really see you?” I was trying my best to not get frustrated with him.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he spoke. “I’m a siren.”

I felt my heart stop, and start all over again. “A-a what?”

“A siren. But I’m a different kind, I have two forms. When I’m in my siren form, it makes males and females unable to resist me, especially when I sing. I look like the most desirable thing to them.”

A memory strikes me. “The day that I almost crashed my ship. My whole crew was fixated on a person singing on the rocks. I was the only one that was okay.”

“That was me. I’m so sorry, Arin. Usually, I try to get far away to sing cause, Gods, I love to sing. I thought I was far enough away, no one usually dares to go through the rocks.”

“It’s okay, Leigh.” I find myself saying, and I mean it. “You didn’t mean to make us crash, though that explains why my men saw females and I saw a male. Am I still affected even when you’re in human form?”

“No, not as bad as when I’m in siren form. I can usually charm people, and they still see me as I am. No illusions.”

I laugh without any humor in my voice. “Of course it’s like me to be falling in love with a siren.” I froze, oh gods, I didn’t want to admit that yet. I turn to meet his eyes and I am surprised to see his lips curved into a smile. I lean forward too press his lips against mine. Knowing that he’s a siren doesn’t change the way I feel about him. His fingers immediately drift up to my hair as they always do. He tugs on my hair and I release a groan that is immediately silenced by his tongue in my mouth. I break our kiss and pepper kisses on his chin and travel down his neck until I find a spot to nip at. He hisses in what I assume is pleasure as I glide my tongue over the spot I left. I gently pull away after pressing a quick kiss to his lips once again.

“I’m not scared to see you because you’re a siren. I just want to see your true self.”

Leigh sighed, “Follow me.”

He takes my hand and leads me into the cave. I’ve only been in here once before, and I smirk as I remember the vision of him being pressed against the wall, whimpers falling from his lips. He lights a candle and I see where he’s stashed the parchment and quill I gave him. It’s set up on a nearby rock, set like a desk almost. 

“You might want to take off your clothes.”

“You could have at least bought me dinner first.” I tease, and he just rolls his eyes. I begin to pull off my cloak, surprised at how forward he’s being. He shrugs off his cloak, but he’s facing away from the candle so I can’t properly see him. He takes off his shirt and shoes and I follow suit. 

He kisses me quickly on the lips. “You’re gonna want to take deep breaths.”

“It’s hard when you kiss me like that.”

He giggles and takes my hand. “Take a deep breath, let me guide you, but it’s important that you swim as fast as you can.”

He jumps into the pool of water and I’m forced to follow suit, but not before taking in a deep breath of air. I do as he says and kick as fast as I can, letting him guide me. Before I break the surface of the water, gasping for breath. I wipe the water from my eyelids and open my eyes to see the most beautiful cave I’ve ever seen.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3

I look around the interior of the cave, and I’m overwhelmed with the beauty of it. Rust red rocks thrust out from underneath the water, reaching towards the high ceiling. There was an outcropping of a flat slab of rock that went all around the room, almost like a balcony, so if need be I can get out of the water at any point. I hoisted myself up on the slab and looked down into the water. Brilliantly bright plants swayed gently with the disruption of the water, I had never seen plants like these in all my years of sailing. The pool was deep enough to be submerged to your neck, but I was afraid of disturbing the plants. The plants provided blue light to dimly reflect on the floor of the cave, and various kinds of oil lamps were stationed around the cave on the rocks and small ledges on the walls to provide light above water. Leigh was walking around the cave, lighting the lamps as I looked around. Once he finishes, he sits down next to me on the slab.

“Beautiful isn’t it?” Leigh says I can hear the smile in his voice as he speaks.

“Not nearly as beautiful as you are.” I turn to him with a stupid grin on my face. Suddenly he shoves me into the water and I can hear him cackling from the surface. Once I resurface, he jumps back into the water with me and quickly kisses me. I can finally see his face fully, and he’s extremely handsome. Strong jaw, cleft chin, and sharp cheekbones. Any gender would admit he was striking, although it was also because he was a siren. Nonetheless, he was gorgeous.

He broke the kiss and took in a deep flattering breath, he was incredibly nervous. “Okay, I’ll transform for you… I just need you to turn around, just for my sake.” He put a hand on my cheek and smiled softly at me. 

I put my hand over his and smiled back. “Of course, Leigh.” Whatever he needed I would oblige. I turn my body around and move my feet through the marine plant life as I wait for him. The plants seemed to avoid me entirely, I never even touched them. Suddenly there was this strange feeling, like there was less space in the room, as if something took up more space then it did before. It sends shivers up my spine and goosebumps began to arise on my skin. The water rippled around me and I could hear Leigh take another deep breath. 

“Alright, you can turn around now…” He said quietly, the first thing I noticed was that his voice was even smoother than it usually was. I slowly turn and I’m absolutely in awe. 

“Leigh…” Is all I can manage to say, he was already the most beautiful man I have ever seen, but now I didn’t have words. He kept his head down as he fiddled with his fingernails, but he wasn’t hiding anything. Bright blue wispy fins emerged out of his hair where his ears were, and the same fins came out from the sides of his forearms. He had a strong and lean swimmers body, which was a given that he was a siren, but still impressive. My eyes traveled down his body and the water was clear enough to see slits along his sides under his arms, which I assumed were his gills. I gasped as I saw a gorgeous iridescent tail replacing where his legs were. I followed down along his tail and it ended with a wispy sea green caudal fin. “Gods… you’re…” I couldn’t property formulate words because I was too flustered. I felt my face burning up even in the cool pool of water.

“A monstrosity? Yeah, trust me I know…” Leigh put his hands on his shoulders and sunk deeper into the water, making himself smaller. 

“What?! Are you fucking serious Leigh? You…” I raised my voice but I hadn’t meant to. He looked me directly in the eye, and my heart stopped, how come I didn’t see it before? The sharp eyebrows with the slash in his right, those lips, the unruly afro, and the thin body. Leigh looked almost exactly like Lost Soul. 

“I’m what Arin? What do you see?” I looked back into his eyes and they were filled with tears. I quickly rushed my hands to his face and I forced him to face me. 

“Leigh, I know what I don’t see. A monstrosity, I promise you that. Please don’t cry.” And I quickly kiss his forehead. “But you look like…Danny.” Even just saying his name made my heart ache, that’s why I avoided it for so long, even in my head. “You did before you changed, but I just didn’t see it until now.”

Leigh sniffled and furrowed his brow slightly. “Who’s Danny?”

“Remember I told you about my friend that had died? That was him.”

“Danny…it sounds familiar.” He wipes his tears away, then his expression goes blank. His eyes widen as he stares aimlessly into the pool of water we’re in. 

“Leigh? Are you alright?” I shook his shoulder a little to get his attention. He blinks a few times and looks back to me.

“Ah… sorry about that, I was out of it for a moment there.” A light pink dusted his cheeks, contrasting his light blue aesthetic. 

“It’s okay, I just had to make sure you were still with me,” I said with a smile, of which he returned. “But in all honesty, Leigh, your siren form is absolutely stunning… I can barely even construct a sentence. Hell, I can barely do it even when you’re in your human form.” 

“Thank you…” He said as he rolled his eyes and smirked. I could tell he was still embarrassed, so I tried my best to ease his nerves. 

“I’m serious Leigh, you are really handsome. After you shoved me into the water,” I paused to laugh. “I saw your whole face and my heart almost stopped.” I leaned forward to brush my lips against his in a sweet kiss before pulling away to look him in the eyes. His eyes were the same shade of navy like they were the night we first kissed. His lips were slightly parted, and his eyes lidded. I felt a familiar heat growing in my gut that I knew all too well. I immediately lost all control of myself and I crashed my lips into his, he made a small squeak of surprise and quickly returned the kiss. He tasted faintly of saltwater, just like I thought he would.

Suddenly, Leigh’s hands became more exploratory as they slowly made their way down my sides. Something which I assumed was his tail brushed against my leg, and I felt goosebumps sprout all over my skin again. I felt him smile in the kiss as his hands massaged my hips, and his tail grazed my inner thigh. I made a small gasp and was immediately embarrassed. I pulled Leigh close to my body and rested one hand on his neck and the other on his waist. I let my hand drift upwards to his gills, and I gently ran my fingertips along the flaps. I was surprised to have Leigh openly moan into our kiss and his tail twitch against my leg. I pulled away only for a moment to give him a cocked eyebrow and a smirk. 

“S-sorry, my gills are really sensitive…” He said quietly, face painted crimson. 

“I can tell,” I say teasingly, as I run my fingers back along his gills again. The look of pure pleasure on his face was almost too perfect. His moan was loud and musical and sexy. I needed to hear what other noises he could make. 

“That’s so… unfair…” He says breathlessly, I can feel his tail move between my legs, and his caudal fin lightly made its way down my back and across my ass. He ever so lightly dragged his tail across my clothed cock, and I gasped at the sudden contact. I still had my undershorts on, but it’s not like it provided any sort of protection now. “You like that, Captain?” He says with a sultry smile. Hearing him call me that sparks something inside me that I didn’t know was there before. It causes me to wrap my arms around his waist and swim is backward until his back is pressed against the slab. I swallow his surprised gasp as I unapologetically rut against him. I close my eyes and a growl falls from my lips as his tail once again grazes against my aching dick. Suddenly the tail is gone and I’m yearning for his touch again. Once I open eyes again, Leigh is back in his human form. For a moment I can’t help but think of Dan, but I push the image of him away. This is Leigh. And Leigh is going to be completely wrecked tonight. 

“I figured this would be more practical. I don’t think you need to know what happens to a siren when they’re aroused, at least not yet.” He said with a wink.

I was immediately intrigued, but I didn’t want to question further right now. “Whatever you think is right.” I kissed him again and pulled away to bite softly on his bottom lip. 

Soon our kisses became more and more feverish, and our hands more exploratory. My cock was painfully hard and I just wanted to feel his touch. My hands traveled down to his hip bones and to his thighs, but I was shocked to feel that there was no fabric where there used to be before. I pulled away to give him a puzzled look. “Since when did you lose your shorts?” 

“Before my transformation, I didn’t want to tear apart another pair.”

“That makes sense.” My eyes traveled down his body, trying to sneak a glance, but a thumb and forefinger on my chin interrupted me.

“My eyes are up here, Captain.” Leigh teased, and he barely brushed his lips across mine. I tried to kiss him, but he pulled his head away. He kept a close distance, teasing me and driving me crazy. His hands traveled down my chest and stomach, and he ever so lightly grazed a fingertip along my cock. My eyelids fluttered closed and I softly moaned at his touch. He began to palm me through my wet clothing, and he was softly peppering kisses along my neck and jaw. 

“Gods Leigh…” I gasped, I couldn’t function, my hands couldn’t move, my heart was hammering in my chest. I kept one hand braced on the slab and the other drifting up and down Leigh’s body. I bucked into his hand and moaned into his ear.

“So eager… so hard for me.” He whispered in my ear, and lightly bit my earlobe. A new wave of heat traveled straight down to my groin and I groaned loudly. I regained enough of my senses to return the favor, and I dusted my fingertips down his chest to his unclothed dick, and gently grasped him in my hand. “Nngh…Arin,” He whimpered, and he bit into a sensitive part of my neck. He was long and thick in my hand, and I slowly began to move my hand along the length of him. He pulled down my shorts enough to free my erection, and runs his hand down along my length. Everything was slick underneath the water, so our hands moved with nearly zero friction. I slowly rub the lad of my thumb over his slit and Leigh whimpered into my neck. I quicken my pace on him and his free arm wraps around my neck. My ears were filled with his small moans and needy whimpers as he was mimicking the motions I was performing on him.

“Fuck…Captain, please…” He whimpered into my ear. I was really starting to like the sound of captain now. 

“What is it? What do you want?” I rasped out. 

He put his hand on my cheek and looked me right in the eyes, his entire face was flushed bright red. Both sweat and water beaded on his furrowed brow. 

“Please… don’t stop.” He pleaded.

I couldn’t help but smirk. “My pleasure. Let me try something.” 

He nodded and bit his lip, and momentarily stopped touching me. I pulled him close enough to me that our cocks touched. We both hissed at the sudden contact, and I slowly grasped my hand around the both of us. I moved my hand slowly up and down our lengths. Leigh pulls me close by the neck and hungrily kisses me. I move my hand at a faster pace and we both moan into the kiss. I feel the pressure quickly building in my stomach, I pull away from him just to be able to breathe. We’re both panting heavily, but Leigh is biting his lip and whining in the cutest way. 

“Ahh… faster Captain…” He said with a blissful smirk and I compiled for him. He loudly moaned and threw his head back. I felt sweat beginning to bead on my brow and I felt my climax rapidly approaching. 

“Leigh…” I groaned.

“I know… me too.” He gasped and groaned into my ear. I kept increasing my speed and I loudly moaned Leigh’s name. His grip on my neck tightened and I felt his body tense, I was about to climax and I knew he was too. “ _ Fuck! _ Oh gods, Arin  _ yes! _ ” Leigh cried out, his body began to spasm and his nails dug into my skin. My name on his lips was what set me over the edge. I rode out my orgasm with him as we both cried out in pleasure. I could only see stars as my body was riding out wave after wave of aftershocks, I let go of our cocks and I just held him in my arms. His neck, chest, and face were flushed a brilliant scarlet, and he was breathing heavily. “That was… my first time…with anybody.” He panted.

“Me too.” I smiled and softly kissed him. I didn’t want this moment to end, I was happy with just Leigh and I. I noticed my the tips of my fingers were wrinkled from being in the water for way too long. I was tired, but I managed to pull my shorts back on my waist where they are supposed to be, push myself onto the slab, and help Leigh up too. He padded to the makeshift bed that he had set up for himself and pulled on a pair of shorts and brought a blanket over to me. I wrapped it around myself, thankful for the warmth. Once Leigh had settled next to me, I pulled him to my chest and wrapped the blanket around him too. He kissed my bare chest and just that small gesture set my heart aflame. 

“Falling for me, eh?” Leigh said, and I could make out the playful smile on his lips. 

I kissed the top of his head. “Yeah, I think I am.”

Leigh snuggled closer to me, and I could tell without even looking at him that he was blushing. “Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys are willing to stick out for a looong time then feel free to continue! This work is going to be super fucking long so if you aren't into that kind of thing then this fic isn't for you, but if it is your thing then things are only going to get better from here ;)


	9. Chapter 9

“So what do I look like to you? I know you said Dan, but what did he look like?”

“Well,” I started, trying to conjure up a picture of Dan in my mind so I could compare them.

“You have the same curly brown hair, except yours is more fluffy. He always had his hair pulled back. He was always clean shaven, you have some stubble.” I say pressing a kiss to his jaw. “You have a more muscular body. Dan didn’t have a lot of muscle. You have the most beautiful blue eyes I’ve ever seen, Dan had deep dark brown eyes. But you both have that same mischievous look in your eyes. Your lips…” I trailed off, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. “You have the same lips. Yours are a little more red, fuller too.”

“Spend a lot of time looking at his lips, huh?” His tone was teasing, but he grew more serious once he saw the blush rising to my cheeks. “Arin?”

“I had feelings for him. Ones I really didn’t understand. I don’t think he felt the same, I was just his best friend.”

“Do you… like me because I look like him?”

“What? No! I like you because you’re Leigh. The faceless guy I’ve been falling in love with. Not Leigh-the-Siren-who-happens-to-look-like-my-dead-best-friend-who-I-had-feelings- for.”

“Alright, I’m sorry I assumed that of you.”

“It’s okay.” 

“Here’s the thing,” His voice was shaky. “I’m feeling a little strange.”

‘Why?”

“You’re seeing  _ me _ , Arin. When I’m in my siren form, I  _ should _ look like an exact replica of what you most desire. You said I looked like Dan, but what you described...that’s me.”

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. “What does that mean?” Now that he had said that, I thought back to his siren form and his human form. They were the same, nothing had changed at all. 

“I’m not sure. Maybe you’re not affected.”

“Curious and more curious.” We sat in silence for awhile. I finally didn’t feel all that cold anymore, not with Leigh next to me. “Do you think you can tell me what happened?”

“Tell you about what?”

“About the accident five years ago.” I tensed, and Leigh seemed to sense it. “You don’t have to, I’m sorry I brought it up.” He held my hands in his and rubbed his thumbs over my palms.

“No, it’s okay. I want to tell you. It’s just that I haven’t told it to anyone, at least not to anyone who wasn’t there. Forgive me if I fumble with my words a bit.” I swallowed, preparing myself to talk about the nightmare that became a reality. I look at my feet, not wanting to meet his eyes as I tell him of the death that broke my heart in two. “Five years ago, there was a horrible storm. We were prepared for it at first, but we lost a few men in a raid that happened the week before. We didn’t have enough people. I remember I was struggling with the mainsail, and I told my quartermaster to get to the wheel, there was a huge wave about to crash into us. We would all drown if we didn’t steer into it properly.

“Dan was on the quarterdeck. He was doing his best to help my navigator get all the maps into a dry place. I heard him scream and I turned just in time to see him tumble over the edge of the boat.” My voice cracked, remembering the moment I saw him fall. I felt tears begin to prick at my eyes. “My heart broke, all I could think was that I had to get to him. I handed the rope off to someone and ran to the rail of my boat. I just remember moments of me screaming and crying trying to jump over the edge and save him. Of course, that was stupid of me, he was long gone. I had to be held back by my quartermaster. We think he got knocked down by the waves and couldn’t breathe. I didn’t get to him in time. Whenever I have nightmares of this, usually I can’t hear anything except the sound of my voice and his blood-curdling scream as he fell. It rings in my ears to this day still.”

I finally look at Leigh, he’s staring into the pool of water. For a moment, I’m not even sure that he heard my story. His eyes are glazed over, and I saw a newfound chocolate brown on the outer rims of his irises. “Leigh? Leigh, did you hear me?” I shake his shoulder, but he doesn’t move or break his gaze. His face has gone pale, and his eyes are filled with fear. “Leigh!” I shake him rapidly until he finally, slowly, wakes from his state. He still seems dazed and it’s like he’s moving in slow motion as he meets my eyes. 

“What…?”

“Leigh, you went into some sort of daze. Are you alright?” I kept a firm grip on his shoulder, afraid that he would melt through my fingers. When he didn’t respond, I called his name again. “Leigh? You’re scaring me.”

“You should leave.”

“What?”

“It’s getting late. You should leave.”

“Why can’t I stay here?”

“You know your crew will worry when you don’t come back.” His voice wasn’t exactly stern, but it was like he had lost all emotion. The Leigh that I was coming to know seemed to have left entirely. 

“But-”

“Arin.” The way he said my name felt like a stab in the heart. It wasn’t the way he usually said it. He usually said my name like a moan falling from his lips and a mischievous smile on his lips. Now? There was nothing there. “Let’s go.” He shoved the blanket away from us and stood up, pulling him with me. I took a deep breath and we jumped into the cold water yet again. 

Once we surfaced. I noticed the sun was already rising. “Leigh,” I said after spending a few moments gasping for breath. “What’s wrong? Really, I know something’s wrong. Did I say too much and freak you out?”

“No. It’s fine.” He sounded so monotone and… _ broken _ . 

“Leigh, you’re scaring me.”

“Just go home, Arin.” He said, handing me the rest of my clothes.

“Leigh. Please, I don’t know what I did.” I pleaded, I felt tears prick my eyes again. I already lost Dan, I didn’t want to lose Leigh too.

“You didn’t do anything.” His eyes were blank as he finally met my eyes. His had a ring of brown on the outer rim of his eyes, almost as deep as the dark chocolate ones Dan had. Why they suddenly changed color bothered me, but I couldn’t bring myself to care about that right now. I had never seen him this way and it frightened me. “Just go home.” Without another word he turns around and dives into the pool of water, carrying my now shattered heart with him. 


	10. Chapter 10

I stumbled into the inn with tears I could barely feel the tears streaming down my face. I was so exhausted I didn’t even have the energy to sob, tears just flowed out of my eyes and down my cheeks. My crew was congregated in the main lobby area of the inn and were chatting absentmindedly. Once I came stumbling through the door, everyone turned their attention to me. I did my best to wipe my eyes and stumbled up the stairs to my room, not making eye contact with anyone. They shouldn’t see their captain like this. 

I staggered through the doorway of my room and collapsed onto my bed. My shorts were still wet and soaking into my clothes and bedsheets but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I couldn’t close my eyes. All I saw was his blue ones, starting back at me expressionless. My breaths came out in short choppy gasps, hiccuping with every intake and outtake of air. 

My heart  _ ached _ , and I didn’t know why. I didn’t even understand what I did that made Leigh act that way. Everything was so perfect until I mentioned Dan. But that's exactly what it was. I told him about Dan, and he realized how broken I was. He didn’t want someone that was broken. My heart beat even faster with the realization. How could I have even let this happen?

“Arin?” For a moment, I thought it was Leigh, but that was a stupid hallucination. It was Ross, someone I didn’t want to see right now. Granted, I didn’t want to see anyone now. No one but Leigh. “Arin, can I please come in?”

I didn’t answer. I wanted to; I had opened my mouth to do so but the words wouldn’t come out. It turns out I didn’t have to because the door squeaked open as Ross decided to come in anyways. After all, it was his room too. 

“Arin, are you okay? What happened?” Again, the words wouldn’t come. I couldn’t even bring myself to meet his eyes. I just stared at his boots and the aged wood beneath them. “Was it Leigh?”

Hearing his name out loud felt like a stab in the gut, but I nodded. 

He sighed, but he didn’t sound annoyed or even like he pitied me. “Have you slept at all?”

“N-no.” I managed to shake out. I stuttered through the tears I was trying so desperately to hold back.

“You really should.” He slipped off my boots helped me take off some of my clothes until I was just in my trousers and white cotton shirt. He handed me a damp rag and I managed to wipe away most of the snot and tears off of my face. Ross tied my hair back as I did that, and was quite glad that it was away and out of my face for once. He took the dirtied rag from my hands and put it with the dirty laundry for the laundress to take later. “Get some rest, friend. I’ll handle things today.” He gently squeezed my shoulder, and I nodded, listening to his footsteps as he left the room. 

“You didn’t have to…” I say to him after he has already left. I wasn’t expecting a response.

  
  


When I woke, I was confused when I saw that it was still daytime. But I couldn’t sleep anymore. I sat up and looked at the small scuffle that I could hear on Ross’ side of the room. He was getting dressed and it didn’t look like he noticed that I was up.

“Ross?”

He jumped and nearly fell over but he managed to steady himself and pull on his boot the rest of the way. “Ah, you’re finally up I see. How are you feeling, Captain?”

“Shitty. How long have I slept?”

“Almost twenty hours.”

I ran my hands over my face. “Are you serious?”

“Aye. And it was a good thing too. You looked like you needed it.” He was right. I most definitely did. I felt more rested than I had in weeks. “You should take a bath and clean up a bit more, make yourself look presentable. Then join us for our morning meal.”

“What are you saying? Do I not look pretty?” I smiled faintly.

“I would never say otherwise.” He chuckled and finished buckling his belt. “I’ll be on my way then, Captain. Be seeing you shortly.”

I nodded waiting until he left to rise from the warm bed. When I made it into the bathroom, the water in the tub was still hot. It seemed Ross had called someone in to change the water just before I woke. I stripped off my wrinkly clothes and climbed into the warm water. The water did wonders on my muscles. Turns out that having sex while still swimming puts quite the strain on your muscles. My heart sinks at the thought of what happened two days ago. It was such a happy time, then I had to go and ruin it.

I stayed in the water until it had gone cold and my fingertips had shriveled. I reluctantly got out of the tub and dried myself off. I got dressed in my normal clothes and joined my crew for the meal. I sat in my usual seat in between Ross and Suzy and across from Brian. I met Holly’s emerald green eyes and I could plainly tell that she was worried about me. I met the eyes of the rest of my circle and saw that they all, except Ross, were giving me that same pitiful look. 

“Alright, enough. Do not give me that look. I am fine.” 

“But Arin-” Suzy tried to say from next to me. I had to stop this in its tracks before it got to the rest of the crew.

“No, Hex. not another word. I am still your captain. You will treat me as such. What happened the other night was a momentary show of weakness. It will not happen again. I don’t want to be pitied for it, and I especially don’t want my crew to pity me for it. That’s the last I’m going to say about that.” I didn’t mean to sound so angry, but I had to get the point across. I was ashamed of what had happened, I know I’m only human and I have feelings, but I knew they had to be suppressed. I was their captain. I needed to be strong when they couldn’t. Even if I wasn’t strong, I had to maintain that appearance. Even when Dan died I held onto that. I never broke down in front of them. The whole entire crew was sad when Danny had left, but I pushed them through it. I couldn’t ditch that persona I had now for a man I had only known for less than a month. Ross and Holly were looking at each other, unspoken words between them, but I got the gist of what they were thinking.  _ Poor Captain Arin, having a breakdown. _

I got up from my seat, and met the eyes of each and every one of my crew, giving them my signature grimace. All of them looked away and ogled at their food. 

I left the inn without saying another word. I felt tears prick at my eyes again, but I quickly wiped them away. My stomach growled at my decision, but I would eat at the pub later. Right now all I wanted to do was to go to the cave. If there was even a chance that I could fix this, I would have to go to him. I didn’t care if it was me that made him so upset, I was falling in love with him, and I didn’t want to stop. 

 


	11. Chapter 11

I marched to the entrance to the cave and was already tearing off my clothes in preparation for the dive into the pool of water before I heard a cough from behind me. I turned to around to see Leigh with my shirt already halfway unbuttoned. By Neptune, he was even more beautiful in the daylight. He wasn’t wearing his hood or cloak, instead wearing a plain white shirt and brown trousers, black boots reaching his knees, very similar to my outfit. He shifted and the sunlight was shining directly on his face. 

_ By Neptune _ , I thought,  _ He’s gorgeous _ . His skin was practically glowing. His curly hair was pulled back and I could see the new small scars where his gills were in his siren form. His eyes still had that tinge of brown in them, but his eyes were still as blue as the ocean behind him. When I met those eyes, I could see he had been hurting as much as I had been. 

“Arin...I-” In less than five seconds I was holding him. I didn’t want to ever let go if I did I was afraid I’d nearly lose him again. He took a heart-shattering breath and pulled me closer, gripping onto me for dear life. 

“Leigh...” He inhaled deeply and froze, and for a moment I feared something was wrong. But he only sighed and held me closer. I buried my head in his neck, inhaling the smell of him. As always, he smelled of salt water. I pulled away for a moment, and I could his mouth open slightly about to protest, but I stifled his words with my lips. Deeply kissing him in a way I never had before. This kiss was more than passionate. It was full of my feelings for him. My hurt, my love, my passion, for all of him. I tried my best to tell him all that I was feeling in a single kiss, and I think he got the message. He pulled away, eyes wide in shock and face dusted with pink. I would never forget cute he was when he blushed like that, even when we were old and gray and dying in our beds I would remember this. 

“Arin, I’m  _ so _ sorry.”

“It’s alright.”

“No, it’s not. It looked like I had broken your heart when I left.”

“You can break my heart anytime, as long as it’s still you that’s putting it back together.”

He snorted and shook his head a little. “Arin, that doesn’t make any sense.”

“I don’t care.”

He rubbed his hand up and down my bare chest, I could tell he was still unsure. “Are you really not mad at me?”

“I never was. I just wanted you back in my arms, and here you are. I don’t know why you were upset, and it’s okay if you don’t ever tell me. I trust you. I know you didn’t mean to make me feel like I did. I think it was maybe my fault actually for talking about Danny.”

“Oh gods, Arin, no! It wasn’t because of that.”

“Serious?”

“Yes. It was bad timing on my part I suppose. I’m glad I know about Dan. I’m so glad you told me.” He looked sincere, and my fears started to wash away like our footprints in the sand. 

“Then what made you so upset?”

“I’ll tell you one day, but not right now. I’m still dealing with it myself.”

“That’s okay. I’m just glad you’re here. I turned and you were glowing. Do you know that you fucking  _ glow _ ?”

A blush rose to his cheeks yet again. “Yeah...that’s why I always had a hood and we always met at night. I didn’t really want you to see. But I don’t care anymore.”

“Good, I love it. I love that you glow. And what are these?” I say, gently grazing my finger along his scar where his gills used to be. He shuddered under my touch like he had the other night in the water.

“My gills just look like scars when I’m in this form. Not as sensitive as in my siren form, but they still are.”

I held his waist and gently ran my thumb over his scars. His moan was quiet but it was enough to send heat straight to my dick. Forget food, I was hungry for something else, but there was time for that later. Right now I just wanted to hold him and kiss him sweetly. I wrap my arms around him and I just stand there and hold him. I was so thankful to the Gods that I didn’t ruin what Leigh and I had. He wrapped his arms around my neck and nuzzled his face into my shoulder.

I didn’t know how long we were standing there, but I felt Leigh’s body start to tremble and I felt something cold against my shoulder. I pulled away from Leigh to find that he was holding back sobs, and glistening tears were rolling down his face.

“Leigh? What’s wrong, love, why are you crying?” I hold him by the shoulders and I realized what I referred to him as I felt a touch of embarrassment but it washed away when Leigh smiled.

“Nothing's wrong, I promise.” He said as he chuckled softly. “I’m just…really  _ really _ happy that I got to meet you.” 

My heart swelled at his words, I would never get over how sweet he was. “I’m happy too, Leigh.” I hold his face in my hands and wipe his tears away. Suddenly I hear a familiar voice in the distance, and the voice was calling for me.

“Captain! Where are you? It’s an emergency!” It was the voice of Ross, I could hear the worry in his voice.

“ _Shit._ I’m sorry Leigh, I’ll be right back. Stay here.” He nodded as I darted away from the seaside. I ran to Ross before he got too close to the cave or close enough to get a good look at Leigh. It wasn’t that I was embarrassed by Leigh, I just knew him well enough to know that Leigh wouldn’t be comfortable with anyone seeing him just yet. Especially, someone, he didn’t know. “What’s wrong Ross?”

“It’s Hex sir, she’s very ill. We don’t know what yet, Voodoo is taking care of her. But it’s very serious, we don’t know if…” he stopped, but I knew what words filled in his silence.

“Alright, wait for me here, I’ll be right back.” I go back to our little cluster of rocks and Leigh looks just as nervous as Fearless did.

“Is everything alright?”

“I don’t think so, someone in my crew is very ill. I’m going to go check on them.” I said as I picked up my coat off the warm sand. It’s a miracle it didn’t get drenched by the waves.

“Who is it?” 

“My navigator, Suzy. She’s essential for our departure. We have to see how well she’s doing before we make any decisions about that though.”

Leigh’s worry seemed to only increase by the second. “Suzy…I hope Hex gets better soon.”

“Aye, me too. I’ll try to come back tonight, at least for a little while. Goodbye Leigh.” I peck his cheek and depart in a hurry. I pause as I think back to what Leigh just said. “Wait, you just said Hex.”

“Did I? I meant Suzy.” Leigh looked nervous and I could see it as clear as day.

“I never told you that we called her Hex.” 

“N-no I think you have.” He did his best to cover up his stutter. “Arin, just go. Go and see your friend. She needs you; she needs her captain.” 

I was still suspicious as to how he knew what we called Suzy, but I quickly realized that it did not matter at this moment, but perhaps I had told him and forgotten about it. Leigh was right; Suzy did need me. I ran back to Ross trying to button my shirt back up with one hand while I put my coat on with the other. “What happened to her? She seemed perfectly fine at breakfast.”

“She was for the most part. Brian said she had an upset stomach and was coughing quite a bit yesterday after you went upstairs. Of course, she insisted she was fine. Mad Eyes was suspicious but she told us to leave it be. You know her, she doesn’t think she needs any help. She suddenly got a bloody nose after you left this morning and Voodoo noticed her fever and took her away to the village’s infirmary. I’ve been looking for you all this morning. I eventually had to ask people and they said you always come running this way.”

“Does Voodoo have any idea what’s wrong with her?”

“She’s consulting her medical journals from her time in England, but she’s trying.”

“She has a fever?”

“A small one, but it’s obvious. Hex said the pain isn’t too bad but it’s something to worry about. Though we aren’t too sure, she could be just trying to seem strong and it’s actually worse than she says it is.”

“That does sound like her. Is she by herself?”

“Mad Eyes is with her. He refuses to leave her side even though Voodoo says it’s for the best until we know what’s wrong with her.”

“Gods, I hope she’s okay.”

“You and me both, Captain.”


	12. Chapter 12

We arrived at the infirmary shortly after I left Leigh. I quickly make my way over to Holly sitting at a desk as she reads through a notebook. I quickly recognize it as one of her medical journals. They hold all the illnesses she knows of; including the symptoms and a cure or treatment if there is one. 

I look to the other side of the room and I see Suzy sitting with Brian. She has a hand clutched to her stomach the other clutching Brian’s hand. Her brow is furrowed in pain, but she wears a smile on her face. A damp washcloth rests on her forehead, even though I know her body must be so warm right now, she shivers as if she’s cold. 

I met Suzy soon after Danny and I set sail for the first time after inheriting The Mask of Neptune. She quickly convinced me that she was a necessary part of the crew, she told us that we would be lost without her, literally and figuratively, so I believed her. After a year of sailing with her, I quickly realized that she was bewitchingly beautiful. I wasn’t the only one who thought so since both men and women alike obviously noticed too. Once, we stopped at an island for supplies. First, Suzy managed to knock the price of our supplies down by the hundreds just in exchange for a kiss on the cheek. Then, later in the day three men tripped and fell flat on their faces after trying to catch her attention. I decided to call her Hex that day. Luckily, she liked it. Otherwise, I was afraid she might have actually cast a curse on me.  

I smile as I think of the memory, reminiscing about how Danny laughed as those men got a face full of mud for Suzy.  _ Suzy _ . She had to be okay. “Voodoo, do you know what’s wrong with her yet?”

Holly finally looked up from her journal at the sound of my voice, but her eyes slid over to Ross. “Ross! Oh hello.” She sat up straight and moved her auburn hair away from her eyes. “I’m sorry, Captain. I don’t know yet.”

“Why not? What’s the problem?”

“Her symptoms are too common. It could be a million things. If I guess and give her the wrong treatment it could make the disease worse.”

I sigh and look at my friend. Her eyes were closed now, and it seemed that she was sleeping. Brian still had a tight grip on her hand, I wanted to be there too. But I couldn’t take the chance of getting it myself or infecting others with her unknown disease. “So what do we do?”

“I hate to say it, but we have to wait for it to get worse. We need to wait until the symptoms become more identifiable. I’ll pour over my journal and make a list of what it could be, but until then we have to wait.”

“What if it’s too late? What if you recognize it but it’s too late to cure her?”

Holly picked at the edges of her journal and I knew what she was going to say next. “Then I’m afraid she’s already lost.”

Tears brim at the corners of my eyes at the prospect of losing another one of my closest friends, but I blink away the tears. “Alright. I trust you know what you’re doing.” But I sternly look her in the eye to make sure she’s listening. “But don’t overwork yourself. Sleep regularly and eat your meals. I’m sure one of the attendees here can watch her while you’re gone. Make sure Brian eats too.” Holly nods, and I turn to Ross. “Make sure Mad Eyes knows that too, watch over Voodoo, for me. I’m going to go for a few hours. I’ll be back soon.”

“My pleasure, Captain.” He looked away from me to meet eyes with Voodoo. He smiled and nodded at her. Then turning back to me he said, “Say hello for me.” He, of course, knew exactly where I was going, and he sounded smug. I could hear the smirk in his voice without even having to look at his face. I smirked a little and nodded a goodbye. I hastily left, heading back to the cave. 

Leigh was still there when I returned. The sun was high overhead and I was getting too warm in this coat. I slipped it off and dropped it in the sand next to our rock and settled myself next to Leigh.

“How is she?”

I sighed, intertwining my fingers in Leigh’s. “Not good. We don’t know what’s wrong with her.” My voice cracked, but I kept talking. “We have to wait for her to get worse so we can define what it is. Her symptoms are just too common right now.” The tears were brimming in my eyes, but I just let them spill. I decided I could let myself crack in front of Leigh, I didn’t have to be a captain in front of him, not unless he wanted me to be. “By the time we find out, it could be too late…” I lean forward and sob into my hands. Suzy, the girl whose life I treasured more than my own, was in pain and I couldn’t do shit to stop it. I couldn’t help. I couldn’t even hold her hand. 

“Arin…” I feel cool hands wrap around my shoulder as I’m pulled to resting my head against his chest. I wrap my arm around his slim waist and clench his shirt in between my fingers. “Suzy will be alright, Arin. I know she will.”

“How do you know?” I say bitterly, tears still rolling down my cheeks and wetting his chest and shirt.

“Because the Gods have already put you through enough. They can be cruel, but they aren’t merciless either. They put you through the loss of your parents and the loss of your best friend  _ and _ love.”

I know he’s right, but I furrow my brow and think for a moment. There’s a nagging suspicion in the back of my mind that I just can’t let go. “How do you know about me losing my parents?”

I feel his body tense up, and he inhales a deep breath. “I… didn’t really. I just kind of assumed because you told me you left home really early on. I didn’t think anyone would do that unless they had lost their parents one way or another.”

It made sense, but I still thought there was still something he wasn’t telling me. But I decided to let it go for now. I sat up and wiped my tears from my face. I looked up to meet Leigh’s beautiful brown-blue eyes. “Thank you for being here for me.”

“Of course, Arin. I’m always here for you. I’m sorry that I haven’t been before.” He looked away from gaze, staring instead out into the water. 

“How could you have been? We didn’t know each other.”

“Right. Right…” His voice faded and he seemed to be losing himself in the ocean. 

“Leigh? Are you alright?”

“What?” He quickly snapped out of the trance he had been in and met my eyes again. “Oh, yes, of course, I’m alright. We should get your mind off these sad things for a bit. Care for a swim?” He stood from the rock and held out his hand, gesturing for me to take it. He winked at me and gave me a mischievous smile. I knew what he was suggesting but my heart stopped at how much he looked and acted like Danny just then. The resemblance was truly uncanny.  I pushed that thought away, they were not alike. They were two different people.

I chuckled, taking his hand and accepting his help in standing from our rock. “I’d love to.”

 

 

           I spend the afternoon with Leigh and left just after sundown, we practiced reading and writing for a few hours and made some good progress. But I wanted to check up on Suzy and the rest of my crew before they went to sleep. I make my way to the infirmary and go into Suzy’s room. Both Holly and Brian are by her sides and talking in quiet voices with her. Ross is sitting in a chair off to the side browsing at Holly’s journals. Suzy’s skin is pale and her brow is damp with sweat, but her signature bright smile is still present.

“Captain,” Everyone said in unison. 

“Hello,” I said as I looked down at the ground. “Listen, I owe you all an apology for earlier today. I didn’t mean to be so hard on all of you, I know you all mean well and I didn’t mean to raise my voice like I did.” 

Mad Eyes was the first to speak, but granted I wish he never did. “It’s okay, Captain, we all knew you were a jerk from the start. We’re just glad you’re finally admitting it.” He had a smug grin plastered on his face. I hated him so fucking much sometimes.

“It’s really hard to be nice to you sometimes, Mad Eyes.”

“Love you too.” He winks at me and I want to punch him in the face, but I decide not to.

“Just ignore him,” Suzy piped up from beside Brian. “He’s more of a jerk than you are. Don’t worry about this morning, we understand.” Her brow was still furrowed in pain, and I could tell another wave of pain had just subsided. She still managed to smile at me though. I looked over to Ross and he managed to give me a genuine grin of approval. It was nice to know that my crew wasn’t upset with me for my outburst. Before I could thank any of them, Suzy chimed up again, turning her head to Holly. “Voodoo, it is alright if I speak to Arin alone for a few minutes?” My heart skips a beat and I can’t help but feel a little scared. When she wanted to talk to me alone, it probably wasn’t going to be about something good.

Holly thinks for a moment before answering. “I think that can be arranged, but only for a little while. I need to keep a near constant eye on her to monitor her symptoms.” She was saying that more to me, and I nod my head in understanding. I watched as Brian reluctantly let go of Suzy’s hand and stand up. I could see they all were reluctant to leave, but they complied with her wishes. Ross, Brian, and Holly all stand and leave the room. Brian slapped my shoulder as he left the room. They closed the door behind them and it was just Suzy and me. She motioned me to sit next to her on the bed and I compiled. I knew I probably shouldn’t be sitting close to her, but she was my friend. I didn’t care if I got sick too. 

“So, I wanted to talk to you.” She said barely above a whisper.

“Alright, what is it Suze?” I hardly ever used the other nickname I had for her, only when we were alone I would use it.

“Well, I can tell you’ve met somebody.” She smirked and narrowed her eyes at me. “Don’t deny it either, I can see it in your eyes.”

“I-...Uh, Well… Yes, I did meet someone.” I couldn’t meet her eyes, so I stared down at my boots instead.

“Tell me about him. I wanna know, and I need something to distract me.”

I snapped my head up when she presumed the gender. “Why do you think they’re a man?”

She looked at me as if I were joking with her. “Oh come  _ on _ , Arin. You aren’t interested in girls, you  _ never  _ were. Even when we kissed all those years ago I could tell your heart wasn’t in it. I could tell from the way you looked at... Danny.” She was hesitant to say his name as if she knew the sting it would always bring to my heart. 

“Okay, they’re a man,” I admitted. “I met him the first night we came here. At first, I couldn’t see him from the darkness, we only met at night. When we met we would, quite literally, talk for hours. I lost all track of time talking to him. I found myself not caring if he was handsome or not because I liked the way he spoke to me. I enjoyed the things we talked about.”  
She chuckled at my praise for him. “Is he handsome?” She raised an eyebrow at me and I couldn't help but laugh.

“ _ Gods _ , yes. My heart nearly stops every time I see him. Not just because he’s handsome but because... he looks like Dan.” I look down at my boots again.

She stared at me, her eyes wide. “How is that even possible?”

“I don’t know. I mean his eyes are a gorgeous sea blue and his hair is just a little different, but it’s him. I don’t know if it’s a gift or a curse, but it feels like both.”

“Have you told him about Danny?”

“Yes, and at first pushed me away. I thought he didn’t want me anymore because I was so broken.”

“Is that why you were so upset a few nights ago?”

“Yes, I thought it was because of me. But I saw him yesterday morning and it turns out that he’s going through something and he didn’t mean to push me away.  He said it was unrelated to Danny, but I’m not so sure. The timing is too convenient. I can’t help but wonder if he really doesn’t want me anymore and he is too afraid to let me down.”

“Arin, no. I’m sure it’s not. Who could ever feel that way about you?” I shrugged in response. “I’m sure it was a coincidence. Besides, if he did treat you like that because of your past I swear I will get up right here and right now and kick his ass.”

I chucked, and I think it was the first time I had truly laughed since she had gotten sick. “I’m sure you could, Suze.”

“Can I ask his name?”

I thought for a moment, but I figured it was alright. I had already told his name to Ross anyways. “Leigh.” I could feel a smile form on my lips at the thought of him, at the sound of his name off of my lips. 

“Arin, I’ve never seen you this happy.” She smiles weakly at me, her eyelids seem to be drifting closed every so often.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy.” And it was true, all my life had been a storm of devastation, with very brief moments of happiness. This was the first time in a long time I had wanted to get up in the morning, all because I wanted to see him. 

“I hope...it stays that…” Her eyes drifted closed, and I screamed for Holly. 


	13. Chapter 13

“There’s no need to worry, shes justifiably exhausted. She just fell asleep, but thank you for calling me in otherwise.” My heart was still racing because my anxiety immediately jumped to the conclusion that she just  _ fucking died _ . Holly had walked back into the room and returned to her spot next to Ross, while Brian came over to sit on a stool by Suzy’s bedside. 

“I’m glad she’s okay.” I run my hands over my face, suddenly feeling how exhausted I was. I still didn’t have a normal sleeping schedule. All the stress of today had finally caught up with me. Even though it was barely dark out, I headed back to the inn to sleep. Without really thinking, I decided to write a letter to Leigh.

_Dearest, Leigh,_

_ Suzy is doing okay, for now. I don’t want to think of what will happen when she’s suddenly not okay anymore…But, I know her, and I know Holly. Suzy wouldn’t give up without a fight and Holly would rather die than fail at saving her.  _

_ Anyways, I’m writing to let you know that I’m not entirely sure when I’ll be able to see you next. I hope shortly because I don’t think I could stand to be away from you for long. However long it may be, know that I’ll miss you immensely. More than words can express.  _

_ I hope to see you shortly, and in the daylight. For one, I can’t stand to be awake until dawn anymore, I’m drained. But also, I love seeing your face. I love seeing your glow. I love seeing you. And I’ll be seeing you soon, promise.  _

_ Love, Arin _

 

I run outside and catch the arm of a messenger. “Take this to the haunted cave, leave it on top of a rock and make sure it won’t fly away.” He nods, and I go to hand him a few gold coins, and I realize that my pouch is almost empty. I furrow my brow but hand him some of the gold I have left, I’ll have to restock once I head back to my room. I watch the messenger run off, hoping that Leigh notices the letter before he starts to get worried about me. 

I stalk upstairs and head to the safe. I spin the dial and frown at the contents. There is less money than I thought. At first, I think some has been stolen, but then I think about all the purchases I’ve had to make. The repairs, the food and all the rooms for my crew, Suzy’s room at the infirmary. It all adds up, and I don’t know if I can pay for it. I quickly count all the gold, pulling it out and stacking them in neat piles on the floor. We have enough to pay for all the rooms, and even the supplies for the trip we would have to make to get the treasure. I just hoped Suzy would get better soon, not just because I wanted her to get better because she was my friend, but also because I also didn’t know how much longer we could last. 

  
  


I woke to the sun shining my face the next morning. I kept my eyes closed, basking in the feel of the sun on my face and the cool breeze blowing through the open window. I could hear Ross already getting ready a little ways away from me. A part of me knew I should tell him about our money issue, but I didn’t want to worry him. It was my job to handle, not his. Not that there was anything to handle anyways. The only way to fix this would be to get the treasure. 

Once I hear Ross leave, I finally open my eyes and get dressed. I head to see Suzy and of course see him there as well. But this way I won’t be tempted to tell him, not with everyone else here too. When I got there; Suzy was awake, and Holly was trying to get her to move. A few men of the crew were visiting today, along with Ross. 

“Come on, Hex. It’s time for your daily walk. You can’t just lie here all day.”

“Voodoo, please. Let me sleep.” 

“No, you have to walk. You need to stay active.”

Suzy nodded. Her beautiful face tightening in determination as she sat up. Her stomach didn’t seem to be bothering her, it was something else entirely. She clenched onto to Brian’s hand as she slowly stood from the bed. I could see her bare knees shake with the effort. Brian was biting his lip fiercely. I had known him long enough to know that when he did that he was trying to hold his tongue.  

Suzy just stood there staring at her feet, I could tell she was debating whether or not to move. She looked up to meet my eyes, realizing for the first time that I was here. Then she looked at Holly. “I’m just so tired…I don’t want to.”

Holly’s face softened, and I knew she wanted to let Suzy sleep, but her doctor instincts were going against that.

I cleared my throat. “Voodoo, let Hex rest for today. We can try walking again tomorrow.”

Holly rarely followed orders, she often did as she pleased and I didn’t mind all that much. I knew she was loyal to me. But this time she nodded her head. “Aye, Captain.” 

I watched as Brian helped Suzy back into to bed and pull the covers over her. She shivered and closed her eyes. Turning on her side, she faced away from us. 

“Everyone except Voodoo and Mad Eyes out. Fearless, make sure the crew isn’t disturbing the town too much.” He nodded his head, and as everyone followed him out, Suzy sighed in relief. She loved our crew as much as I did, but I knew she didn’t want them to see her like this. 

It was times like these that I so desperately wished Danny was here. He had the ability to make everyone in the room laugh no matter the troubles they had. He brought a smile to everyone’s face just when he entered the room. Right now, I was sure he’d say. “Oh, come on, Suze. I’m sure if you just glance at a few men the right way they’ll carry you outside on a chair like the Egyptian princess that you are.” I could see it, she would giggle and punch Dan in the shoulder, and then they would laugh some more. Or he would come in here and sit by her side, holding her hand. He’d read a book out loud to her, except talking in stupid accents and changing the words ever so slightly.  _ Gods _ , I missed him so much. I needed him around to make them feel better in a way I couldn’t. He was only other person that could call her “Suze” and get away with it. If it was anyone else she would punch them squarely in the face, I’ve seen it happen. Ross once called her that mockingly and ended up having a black eye for a week. He never called her that again. 

“How are you doing?” I asked her, I could tell she wasn’t really sleeping. And she had twisted back around to lie on her back.

“I’m tired.”

“Want me to read you to sleep?” It’s something that Danny would’ve done. Since he couldn’t be here, I’d do my best to fill in for him.

“That’d be lovely.”

“Brian,” I rested my hand on his shoulder. I could clearly see the dark circles under his eyes. He must not be sleeping so well. Then again, none of us were. “Go eat breakfast and then sleep.” He started to resist but I cut him off. “That’s an order from your captain. I promise I’ll keep an eye on her until you get back.”

He nodded and reluctantly left, and I pulled out my brand new copy of  _ The Silent World _ from my coat pocket. “I bought this a few days ago. It’s really good. But we’ll start at the beginning for you.”

I opened the book to the first page, cleared my throat and began to read. After a couple of chapters, her eyes drifted closed and her breathing changed as she fell asleep. She looked really peaceful, not in pain anymore. She looked surprisingly innocent, and I silently begged all the Gods that my best friend would make it.    


After she had fallen asleep, Holly approached me. I closed the book to give her my full attention. 

“She’s not the only one sick, Captain.” 

“Sh-she’s not?”

“No, and they seem to have the same thing.”

“Are they doing okay?”

“Just about as well as she is.”

I sighed, running my hands over my face. “Thank you for telling me. But, I’m still worried about you. Are you getting enough rest? Eating regularly?”

“Yes, Ross has made sure of it.” She smiled, and that was enough to put me at ease. I wouldn’t know what to do if my doctor went ill too. She gave me a friendly pat on the back and walked away. I looked at Suzy again, sleeping peacefully. I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her sweat lined forehead. Then, I opened the book and read from where I left off to pass the time.


	14. Chapter 14

I spend the next few days reading to Suzy, we manage to make about a quarter of the way through the book. She’s almost constantly tired, and she doesn’t want to eat anything because of her stomach, but Holly forces her to anyways. Her condition has barely changed at all the only change is her temperature only rising. I’m in the middle of reading to her when she interrupts me. 

“The sunshine is so pretty today…”

I furrow my brow thinking, I must have misheard her. “What?”

“Look at the glow…” Her voice was faint, and she was staring out of the window, at the rain that poured outside. 

“Suze...it’s raining. The sun isn’t out right now.”

“It’s making my eyes hurt…”

“Do you want me to turn down the lamps?”

“Do you see it, Arin? Do you see the sun?”

I close the book and set it down on the bedside table. “Voodoo! I think you better come in here!” I got out of my chair and moved to get out of her way. 

Holly burst through the door. “What’s wrong?” She said as she pressed her hand against Suzy’s forehead. Suzy didn’t even acknowledge her, she just continues to stare out the window.

“I don’t know. She’s talking about the sunshine, but it’s raining.” I was incredibly confused, I couldn't tell if she was talking in her sleep or if she was seeing things.

Holly put her hand to Suzy’s forehead, and she made a concerned face. “She’s practically on fire, but she may be delusional because of the fever. I think it’s best if you leave, Captain, just for your own safety.”

I wanted to object, because what about  _ her  _ safety? But I didn’t want to go against a doctor. I nodded and left the room, closing the door behind me. I debate going into town grabbing something to eat, but I remember how light my pockets are and I decide not to. I make a mad dash for the inn, trying my best not to get wet. It seems that most people are surprisingly out for the day, so the inn is quiet and still. I walk into my room and I’m greeted by a familiar dark figure.

“Hey there, Captain,” Leigh says with a cheeky grin on his face. 

“Leigh,” I say breathlessly. It seems that even just seeing him now knocks the breath out of my chest. I’m so glad to see him, but the logic of the situation finally occurs to me. “Wait, how did you get in my room?”

“I snuck in after Ross left the room earlier. He isn’t very observant.” He chuckles softly and it warms my heart. “I got your letter, but I missed you so much, I’m used to seeing you so often.” He looked a little embarrassed to admit it, but it was almost  _ too _ cute.

“I missed you too, Leigh.” I pulled him in for a hug and he wrapped his arms around me. I’m quick to notice that he isn’t glowing as usual and his eyes aren’t as bright of a blue. I pull away from him to look at his face. “Is there any reason you aren’t glowing right now?” I tease.

“Oh right, I can make myself appear completely human if I really need to. Such as when I need to be in social situations. In a way I guess I make myself appear duller.”

“Yeah, because I have a feeling people won’t be as welcoming to a fish man as you were Ar.” He smirks at me and I can feel my face heat up and my stomach twists into a pile of nerves. Dan used to call me Ar, and he was the only one who did. 

“Wha-what did you just call me?”

“I called you Ar. Can I not do that?”

“No, no, you can. It’s just…” I shook my head. It was nothing, just a coincidence. “Never mind. Now that you’re here, what do you want to do?”

“I don’t know, really. I kind of just came here on a whim. I didn’t really plan it.” The adorably bashful smile on his face made me lean forward to press a quick kiss against his lips. 

“What was that for?” He said after I had pulled away.

“Nothing, I just thought you were cute.” He blushed and removed himself from my arms. I missed him immediately, wanting to pull him back to me, but I resisted. “As for what to do, we can go for a walk?”

“In the rain?”

“Oh right. I forgot. Well, would you like to stay here? We can read together."

“I’m not the best at that yet."

“Then how about I read to you?” I head to my bookshelf and sweep up the copy of  _ Sonnets Lussuriosi  _ that I bought recently. “This a book of poems and I have no idea what they’re about. Perhaps I can find out with you.”

He smiled, and once again I felt my heart beat faster against my chest. I settle on my bed against the wall. Leigh took off his cloak and positioned himself beside me, his head settled against my shoulder. Our arms are pressed against each other, and yet again I feel how cold he is. But I clear my throat and start to read. 

“ _ Narcissus was a  very _ _silly boy: He looked into a pool and fell in love. With his own image; I am not above. Narcissus’ folly, as my glances toy. With what my lips would like well to enjoy: Before the lancers come, with thrust and shove. Of amorous war, I, like a billing dove, Survey the scene of bellicose employ. For this is what I live for if you’d know — Dearest, the mystery is solved at last; I’ll whisper it before I turn to dust. Lie still and listen till your blood runs slow, Till flowers are withered, ecstasy is past; And then, too late! you’ll know the answer: Lust._ ”

“Wait, what does amorous mean?”

“Um, basically showing or feeling sexual desire.”

A blush creeps up his neck, “O-oh. I see.”

“ _’Tis an old torture that you put me to. Tonight, beloved, though, I know, they say t_ _hat in the fashions of an elder day Lies, sometimes, novelty — or seeming-new. I’m sure, my dear, I don’t know what to do. The fires of an inferno lap and play. About me; I cannot forget, this way, A sweeter torture I have taught to you! Thus, Beatrice, I can but kneel and pray. That you’ll forgive me for my lack of ease; My eyes and thoughts are on forbidden fruit. But, in my punishment, I will be gay And, even in hell’s fires, seek to please, While dreaming of another, fairer loot!_ ”

“I’m not entirely sure what he’s talking about.”

“Neither am I. Maybe it’s some kind of metaphor.”

“No idea, keep going.”

“ _Quarter, my dear! You have me on my back, And if there must be slaughter, let me slay; You’ll like it just as well, I think, that way. You are a prisoner, but you shall not lack the amenities of war Though I hew and thwack. Right valiantly. Some men there are who may Prefer to feast and drink, but I must say That I prefer the battle and the snack. To the field, then! I’m neighing for the fray, My monstrous dart, my polished lance in place, With my two henchmen bringing up the rear…_ ” I cut off the poem short, suddenly realizing what Pietro Aretino has been talking about this whole time. Then it hits me, as a blush starts to creep up to my cheeks.  _ Sonnets Lussuriosi.  _ Sonnets and lust. Lustful sonnets. I let go of the book and let it drop to the bed, running my hands over a face.

“Was that what I think it was about?”

“Yes…” I’m so embarrassed, now I know why that old lady blushed at the bookstore when I purchased these. Oh, Gods, I’m such an idiot. 

Then I feel him burst into laughter, and the sound of it instantly makes me feel better, removing my hands from my face. “These are great!” He says, picking up the book and flipping through the pages. “Let’s read more.” 

“Really?”

“Oh, yes! This guy is talented!” He says excitedly, I chuckle and shake my head.

“Oh my Gods, Dan, we can’t just…” I freeze and halt my words. I see the smile fall off his face. 

“Wait, Leigh. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, it’s just you two are so similar. I don’t think you’re him. You’re Leigh. I know that I just slipped up.” Why did I have to keep talking? Why couldn’t I just shut up?

“It’s okay, Arin.”

“No, it’s not. I’m really sorry. You called me by his nickname for me earlier, and I’m very tired. I’m so sorry.” I pleaded, I felt panic bubbling up inside me.

“Please, Arin. It’s okay. It is getting late though. I really should go before Ross gets back.” He smiled weakly at me, but I wasn’t convinced that he was okay. 

He was right, of course, but I didn’t want him to leave. Not right now. “Leigh…”

“It’s fine, I forgive you.” He rose from the bed, pulling on his cloak. 

I stood too, just watching as he pulled his cloak tighter around him in preparation for the rain. I held the stupid book in my hands, fumbling with the pages and the leather cover. 

He opens the door to leave but stops walking abruptly. I’m about to open my mouth to beg him to stay when he twirls around runs to me, wrapping his arms around my neck. A second later he brings his lips to mine and I drop the book to pull him closer. He pulls away, and I’m grateful to see the smile on his face. “Meet me tomorrow,  _ dearest _ , before sunset.” I blush at the nickname I had given him in my letter, but I nod.

He kisses me sweetly one more time before twirling back around so effortlessly while I stand there dumbfounded like I just saw a mermaid. Well, I sort of did, but that’s beside the point. A smile forms on my face, and I bend down to grab the fallen book. When I straighten up, I see Ross at the door. He has an expression of complete disbelief, and I know he saw all of it. 

 


	15. Chapter 15

“Care to explain yourself, Captain?” Ross leaned up against the doorway to our room, arms crossed and a smug look thickly painted on his face. 

My entire body felt like as if I had just jumped into the lava pits of hell. I just wanted to disappear. “Nothing that concerns you, Fearless.”

“I know you’re the captain, but at this point, you can't deny what just happened there. I saw everything, Arin.”  
_Fuck._

“Ross, I-”

“Is that the man you told me about before? I couldn’t see much of him, but from what I did see he was  _ very  _ handsome.” The smirk on his face only continued to grow. I silently prayed to Neptune that he strikes me down where I stand to end my suffering. 

“ _ Ross- _ ”

“You’ve got yourself a good catch there, Grimace, have you done anything with him yet? And you know what I mean when I say that.” He raises his eyebrows at me and I can’t take it anymore, I’d rather die than be talking to Ross right now. 

“Gods, Ross, can you just shut the fuck up please?” I begged. I was too embarrassed to be angry, I just wanted it to end. 

“As soon as you tell me what's going on between you and that mystery man. Leigh, was it?” 

“Yes, his name is Leigh. Anything else?”

“Are you courting him?”

That was a question I actually didn’t know the answer to. “Well, I’m not exactly sure. We haven’t gone out together officially.”

Ross’ eyes widened and his smug expression quickly changed to absolute shock. “Are you serious? What the hell do you think you’re doing? Take him out already for the God's sake!”

I rolled my eyes. “It’s complicated Ross. We only kissed each other only a few days ago” I decided to the leave the other things we did out. Ross was one of my closest friends, but I did not want him to know those things about me. Or about Leigh for that matter. “Besides, there hasn’t exactly been time for that. Suzy’s sick, he understands.”

He scrunched his face up in frustration. Then he slowly brings a finger up to my face and narrows his eyes at me. “I swear to the Gods. Arin Rhys, I’m going to go up to Suzy and she's going to walk right up to you and say the same words I said to you. Even in sickness, she will force you to go out with him. Do you  _ really  _ want that, Arin?” To be quite honest, Suzy could be scary when she tries to get what she wants.

“No, I really don’t,” I admit.

“Then you’re going to take him, Arin.  _ Tomorrow. _ ” I roll my eyes, but in my head, the idea of courting Leigh sounded wonderful, but tomorrow just seems too soon.

“Who will read to Suzy?”

“Brian can do it. I know you want to be with her, but she wouldn’t want you to be holding your life back for her.”

I knew I couldn’t argue with Ross, he was as stubborn as they come, but that doesn’t stop me from trying to make an arrangement. “Alright, how about we compromise. I promise to go on out with him. But I keep the details to myself.” I shrug my shoulders, it sounded like a good deal to me. 

He glares at me, but it didn’t reach his eyes, I knew he was only jesting me. “Alright, fine. By the end of the week, you better have taken him somewhere nice.” Ross started getting ready for bed, but before he headed into our washroom, he paused and turned to face me. “He looks a bit like Dan.”

Is he going to judge me? I hope not, I don’t think I can take any more judgment or embarrassment today. “I suppose he does.”  
“Arin, that wasn’t on purpose, was it?”

“Gods, no, it’s merely a coincidence. Hell, I didn’t even realize it myself until a few days ago.” 

     “Alright. It’s just that I know you really miss him, and I don’t want you to be fooling yourself.” Ross drums his fingers on the doorframe and bites his lip. I could tell he was holding something back from me, but I already knew.

“To be completely honest, I haven’t even thought of it like that. Gods, I feel awful…” This whole time I made it seem like I was treating Leigh as if he were Dan.

“It’s alright, Arin. Does he know about Dan?”

“Yes, I told him the night before Suzy got sick. He reacted badly, that’s why I was kind of a mess. It turns out that it was a misunderstanding, he wasn’t upset about what I had told him. He was upset about something else, but I think he’s doing okay now.”

“I’m glad.” He nodded and finished undressing. I pulled off my clothes and climbed into bed, still thinking of Leigh. I wish he had stuck around just for a few more minutes. 

“I’m thinking of showing him The Mask of Neptune. But, at night, when the stars are out.”

“I think that’s a wonderful idea. He’ll love the piece of crap.” 

I gasped with mock offense. I knew Ross loved the ship still, but not as much as Dan and I did. “How dare you? She’s beautiful!”

“Only in your eyes, Captain.” He chuckled and shook his head.

I rolled my eyes, I wanted to protest and say that Dan loved her as much as I did. But that didn’t matter anymore, Dan was gone. “I think I’ll take him tomorrow, I’m going to ask him to join the crew.”

“Wait, what!?”

“I had asked him before, and he said he’d think about it. I thought it’s time to ask him again.” Ross’ eyebrows were raised, it almost seemed like he was questioning my judgment.

“You want him to sail with us?”

“Well, yeah. Is that a problem?”

“You only met him a month ago, are you sure he’s trustworthy?”

The question made me pause for a moment. Did I trust him? But I pushed the doubt away, of course, I did. It was  _ Leigh _ . I trust him.“I’m positive. He’s a good man. I trust him with my life.”

“Alright then. He must be worth it.”

“I think he is. Goodnight, Fearless.”

I nod off to sleep, a pair of blue eyes rimmed with brown on my mind. 

  
  


The next day I go down to the beach about an hour before sunset to wait for Leigh. I sit on our rock and look out onto the water. I watch the sun fall down to the horizon and watch the blue water glitter under the sunlight. I ‘m not waiting for long when I feel Leigh sit beside me. My smile grows immediately at the sight of him. 

“Hello, love.” I lean forward and press a swift kiss on his lips. He blushes at the name I give him but kisses me back. 

Even though I’m so happy that I have Leigh sitting here next to me, he does remind me of Dan, and I feel thoughts of him sinking me down. I turn away from Leigh to look at the water again. 

“What’s on your mind?” His hand glided over in soothing circles on my back. 

“I just keep thinking about Dan lately. Old memories, I suppose. I still miss him a lot, he could always talk to people in a way that I couldn’t. He would know what to do about Suzy, he would know how to talk to her. I’m trying my best but-”

“Well that’s all that matters, isn’t it? You’re trying your best and I’m sure that Suze knows that. She knows you’re not Dan and doesn’t expect you to be him. I’m sure she’s just glad you’re trying; because at least you’re trying instead of doing nothing.”

“I guess you’re right. I just, I don’t know… I feel so helpless. I haven't felt this way in a long time. She’s in so much pain, and I can't do anything to help her. And it’s not only her!” I threw my hands up in exasperation. “Four other members of my crew are sick and there is nothing I can do to help.”

“You’re helping her just by being there for her. Same for your crew members. They understand, Arin.”

I sigh, I know he’s right. But if she dies I’ll never forgive myself. Just the thought of losing Suzy brings tears to my eyes. In a split second decision, I decided to tug off my boots and pull off my coat. “Come on.”

He gives me a confused look, but finally understands when I stand and unbutton my shirt. “Arin, you want to go swimming right now?”

“Aye,” I say matter of factly. “With you.”

“Are you sure? Just now, you were a second away from bursting into tears.”

“I know,” I throw off my shirt, and work on my pants. I don’t miss the longing look as Leigh’s eyes glance down my chest. Seeing him do that makes me smirk and only confirms that this is what I want to do right now. “I don’t want to be sad right now, Leigh. I want to be happy.” He’s still sitting on the rock, I sigh and lean down to make my face level with his. “You, Leigh, make me happy.” I lean forward and kiss him, doing my best to convey all my emotions in a single kiss. My eyes are still closed when I pull away. “ _ Please _ ,” I beg softly, I can barely hear my own voice. “Let’s just go swimming and pretend that everything is okay, at least for a little while.”

I open my eyes in time to see him nod. He soon has undressed too and I take a deep breath. Then run straight into the water.

The waves crash against my legs and, _ oh gods _ , it’s fucking  _ freezing _ . I grit my teeth and push through it until only my neck is above the water. I’m already shivering violently but it distracts me from my plaguing thoughts for the time being. I turn to see that Leigh hasn’t joined me yet. He’s still standing on the shore. From a distance, he looks so small

“Leigh!” I scream to be heard over the rushing waves. “Come on, you coward!”

“No! It looks cold!”

Yeah, no shit, but I can’t tell Leigh that or he won’t come in at all. “It’s fine, you get used to it!”

“Arin, no! I’ll just watch.”

“Leigh, you’re a fucking siren!”

“And?”

“Oh my gods,” I trudge back to the shore, and before he can protest I sweep him into my arms and throw him unceremoniously over my shoulder. “Arin, okay, wait please don’t.”

His voice is soft, and the tone of his voice is the only thing that stops me from going farther into the ocean.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to go in…”

I set him back down, the waves are crashing against our ankles, and it’s a struggle to stay standing, but I manage. “Why ever not?”

“I’m scared.” He’s looking down at his feet and his hands are balled up into fists at his sides. 

“Why? You’re a siren. Hell, that’s how my boat crashed, you were on a rock in the middle of the ocean. Gods, we went swimming the day I found out Suzy was sick.”

“I don’t like going out there all that often, and ever since-” He halts, and restarts his sentence. I wonder what he was going to say, but I don’t push. It couldn’t have been all that important anyway. “I just don’t like it.”

“You know I got you. I won’t let you drown. I don’t even know that it’s possible for you.”

“It isn’t…”

“See, you’ll be okay. I won’t let anything hurt you. But if you really don’t want to, that’s alright. We can put our clothes back on and go into town and eat some food. Or, we can leave them off and go into to the cave…” I take a step closer as I say this and wrap my arm around his waist. I thought of that day when we first went swimming in the ocean together. Now that I think about it, he didn’t go further than waist deep. 

He laughs and pushes me away. “Oh, stop. Dinner sounds nice though.”

I over exaggerate a groan, but I’m only joking. Dinner did sound nice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Personally, I think this is one of my favorite chapters, at least so far ;)


	16. Chapter 16

Once Leigh and I were back on shore, we sat in the fading sunlight to dry off. “You know, I’ve never heard you sing.”

“Oh yes, you have.” He rolled his eyes and smiled as if I had simply forgotten a simple fact.

“Not really though. That was only for a few moments and I was trying to not crash the ship at the same time. I was in a slight trance at the time too, I haven’t really gotten to appreciate it.”

“Do you really want to hear me sing?”

“I do.” I smiled at him, and he smiled back. I could tell he was excited, but also nervous at the same time.

“Alright, this is something I kind of wrote by myself.”

“When?”

“When I first came to this island. I had the words stuck in my head and I just sang and it all came out.”

He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. I could tell he was trying to pretend I wasn’t there. He stands up from the rock and clears his throat before he starts. 

“ _You can feel it, don’t wanna believe it. I’d be fine if I had a last dime you see…_ ” His voice was timid and quiet, but his voice was still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. It was smooth and fluid, just like the ocean in front of us. The tune was familiar, but I didn’t remember where I heard it from. 

“ _It’s alright, take it all from me. It’s alright...I’ve been free since you’ve released me. Heart of acid, I could have imagined I could be._ ” His voice was louder now, the more he sang, the more his confidence grew. He drew out the “alright’s” and his vibrato was low and intoxicating.  

“ _And love, it’s alright, save the night for me. And it’s alright, it’s alright._ ” The song was unlike any other song I had before. Most of them were obnoxious sea shanties that gave me headaches unless Dan was singing them. This,  _ this _ was a true beauty in the form of a song. As he sang, I started to remember where it came from. My vision flashes to a man on a craggy rock, his hair soaking wet as his blue eyes seem to meet mine through a spyglass. 

“ _I’ll be coming back again,_ ” Leigh finally opened his eyes, his ocean blue eyes meeting mine. My heart jumped and sputtered as the lyrics hit me. “ _I’ll be coming back again…holding you down, caught in the crossfire._ ” 

I could feel my heart beating in my chest, every word he sang reaching inside me and touching my soul. I was completely entranced by him. Granted, he  _ was  _ a siren, but I wasn’t caught in a trap. I could look away if I wanted, but I really didn’t. I didn’t want to do anything besides look into his eyes as he sang his song to me.  

“ _Where have you been till now…_ ” Leigh...where have  _ you _ been all my life. “ _It’s alright, take it all from...And it’s alright…_ ”

He finished his song, and I almost instantly stood up, wrapped my arms around his waist, and kissed him. Finally, I pulled away, completely breathless. And not just by the kiss. By the song, by  _ Leigh _ . “God's, you’re amazing. Honestly, you never cease to amaze me.”

A blush rose to his cheeks. “Arin... It wasn’t  _ that _ good.”

“No, it was amazing. That’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. I absolutely loved it. I even recognize it! That was what you were singing the day I nearly crashed my ship.”

“Yes...I don’t know if I ever apologized for that. I’m truly sorry, Arin.” He met my eyes, and they were filled with emotion. Apologeticness and longing, but something else too. Something like sorrow. I knew that look very well. I often saw it in my reflection after Danny had died. 

“You don’t have to apologize. It wasn’t your fault.”

“It was, I should’ve been watching for ships. I... _ hurt _ people when I sing. I cause them to jump overboard and crash their ships and drown themselves in order to get to me.”

Suddenly it hit me how dangerous a siren was. And here I was, holding one. But I knew he wasn’t dangerous, not really. Leigh wasn’t malicious. He didn’t go out looking for people to trap like the monstrous stories Ross had once told me. “None of that is your fault. It’s not like you asked for it. It’s okay, Leigh. Besides, I’m glad it happened.”

He blinked, looking at me like I was the most idiotic person in the world. Maybe I was. “Arin, you’re  _ glad _ that I almost destroyed your ship? The Mask of Neptune, your pride, and joy.”

I wondered how he knew the name of my ship, but I brushed it off. I was sure I had told him at some point. “ _ Yes _ , I am. If you weren’t singing that day I never would have ended up here on this island, to lead up to this beautiful day, looking at a beautiful sunset, sitting next to a wonderful man who has managed to sweep up the broken pieces of my heart and put them back together.”

“Arin…”

“I would still be broken if it weren’t for you Leigh. I mean that. You’ve truly saved me.”

His eyes are big and wide, and completely captivating, and I simply can’t look away. This man makes me feel like I did before Danny died. I feel happy and carefree for the first time in five years. There’s no way I could go back, I wouldn’t ask for a way back. Not for all the money in the world.

His eyes are glistening with unshed tears of happiness, but I see sorrow once again in them too. I wonder what’s holding him back. I don’t wonder for long because after a moment he’s pulling me in for a kiss. I greedily accept his open mouth as I run my hands over his bare back as he threads his fingers through my hair in that delicious way that drives me crazy. My heart feels so full in this moment, I don’t want to end. But slowly, painfully slowly, I pull away. 

“Sing it again,” I say, still breathless from the kiss. I was desperate to hear him sing again, but he chuckled and shook his head.

“Not right now, we should go eat.” He kissed my cheek and started to put his clothes back on, although I wished he would just leave them off.

I sighed, but I knew he was right. Now that he had mentioned food, I realized I was starving. “You’re right…” I relented. I got up to put my clothes on, but not before sneaking in a kiss again. This time, when his hands went up to tangle his fingers in my hair, he tugged on the strands a little, an involuntary moan falling from my lips and stifled by his kiss. I almost didn’t let go this time. 

Once we had put out clothes on, we headed into town. It was strange; walking into town with Leigh. We had never done this before, never gone out somewhere together. But I was glad for it, Leigh was holding my hand the whole way to the tavern, and somehow that made things less scary. 

We released our hands once we saw people, we both knew that nothing good could happen from the villagers seeing two men holding hands. It was painful, letting go, but just being here with him made everything worth it. We sat ourselves down at a secluded table a dozen feet away from the closest customer. A small band was playing in the corner of the room. The woman’s voice was beautiful, but nothing compared to Leigh’s voice. 

I watch Leigh look around the room in fascination. “I haven’t been to a restaurant in a long time. The only time I’d go into town is going to the market every week or so.” He spoke in a low and quiet voice, and I couldn’t help but think about how sexy it was. I felt my face heat up as inappropriate thoughts invaded my brain but I quickly pushed them away.

“Why not? You’d be able to in your human form so you wouldn't be suspected.”

“Right, but… I don’t know...before I met you I was very secluded and I wanted to keep myself reserved at all costs. But now… I’m a lot more comfortable around people.” He chuckles softly and looked down at the table.

“I’m glad.” I smiled and moved my hand to clasp Leigh’s under the table. His thin fingers easily threaded through mine, and a blush rose to his cheeks. Leigh had pulled his hood up as soon as we got into town, but I was close enough to see his face. 

I was fighting the urge to kiss him when a beautiful woman with dark brown hair and green eyes approached our table. “What can I get you?”

As soon as Leigh saw her, he released my hand. Turning his head away and pulling his hood down to cover his face more. My shoulders sagged at the sight, he apparently wasn’t all that comfortable  _ just  _ yet. The maiden gave him a strange look, but then disregarded him as soon as I started speaking. 

“We’ll take some waters and whatever you’re serving tonight.”

“No ale?” 

“No,” I chuckled, I only drank when I was missing Danny and it was too much to bear. But with Leigh around I found myself thinking of Dan less and less. And the thought scared me. What if I lost all memory of him? What if I started to forget those moments in my cabin and those nights on the sea when it was just him and I? I shook my head. No, I would never forget, I couldn’t. “Just the water please.” 

One the maiden left, Leigh slowly turned back towards me. His face was red with embarrassment, “I’m sorry, it’s just a habit at this point.”

“It’s okay.” I rested my hand on his thigh, my thumb moving back and forth. He rested his hand on mine and looked into my eyes. Gods, this was harder than I thought it would be. All I wanted was to lean over and press my lips to his. It was so hard to resist when he looked at me that way. When his eyes made him look so open and unguarded. 

The brown ring around his eyes had gotten bigger. It wasn’t a sliver of chocolate on the outside of a deep blue. Now, the brown was nearly to the middle of his eyes. The deep blue that I loved was still clear and present but now I could see the brown color more clearly. It was almost the same color of Danny’s eyes. 

But it wasn’t Dan, sitting here in front of me. It was Leigh. Leigh, with his beautiful tail of bright colors and beautiful eyes and a beautiful voice and a beautiful everything. Leigh, who blushed whenever I looked at him. Leigh, who was shy and introverted, but also cheery and jovial. Leigh, who didn’t know how to read or write until I taught him to. Maybe he looked like Dan because the Gods were sick of giving me shit and decided to give me a gift for once. But the man I saw wasn’t Danny, it was Leigh. Leigh was the only person that had managed to make me feel full and repaired ever since Dan died. 

And I was inexorably, hopelessly, irrevocably in love with him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update because of finals! Hope you enjoy this one, the song is Arows by The Northern Hues ;)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops later update than usual, sorry about that!

The realization hit me like a ton of bricks, but it didn’t scare me. Not anymore. I thought about the way Leigh made me feel. He could make my heart race with just a glance. He made me want to pull him against me and completely wreck his lips with mine but also lay with him, hold his hand, and press gentle kisses to his cheek. Whenever I was away, a part of me always wished that he was next to me. We could talk for hours about everything and nothing. I loved him, and I wanted him by my side.

I thought back to the question I wanted to ask him, and how Ross had reacted when I told him. _Are you sure he’s trustworthy?_ I had had a moment of doubt, but any doubt had disappeared now. Leigh was a stranger to me only a month ago. But things had changed now. I had told him things that I had only told Dan. And I was the only person he had shared his secret with. I now wanted more than ever to sail with him.

“Arin?” His voice brings me out of my thoughts. “Are you okay? You were staring into my eyes, you looked pretty deep in thought,”

“I was.” I quickly looked around the room. Everyone seemed busy either playing cards or drinking themselves into oblivion. I turned to Leigh and quickly pressed my lips against his. I couldn’t resist him anymore.

I heard a small squeak of surprise that was _so_ endearing and made me want to kiss him again. Hell, I would take him on this table if he would let me. But no, that was enough risks for tonight. I could show him my feelings exactly later tonight. “Arin! Someone could’ve seen us.”

“Don’t worry, I checked. I just couldn’t keep my hands off you.”

He rolled his eyes. “You’re worse than a dog in heat.”

I smirked. “Only for you.” He blushed at my soft and playful tone. And there it was again, that urge to kiss him relentlessly. I pushed it away again.

“O-our food is coming.”

“Ah,” The maiden from before set a couple of plates down on our table along with two glasses filled with water. I fished a few gold coins out of my pouch at the same time Leigh did.

“Leigh, let me.”

“Oh, come on, you’ve done so much for me already. Let me pay you back.”

“It’s alright. I have it. You don’t owe me anything.” I waited until he took a sip of his water. Then, I leaned forward so the girl couldn’t hear and whispered. “Except another kiss. And maybe something more...”

He choked on his water, almost spitting it all over himself. I couldn’t stop myself from keeling over in laughter. When I managed to stop laughing and sit up straight he was blushing profusely and giggled, it was. “Arin I swear to the Gods…“

I chuckled and handed the maiden a few gold coins. She left a moment later, after checking that I gave her the right amount. My stomach growled at the sight of the food. Baked fish with vegetables and a small piece of bread. I greedily took a bite and was surprised to find that it was actually good. I was surprised considering this place didn’t seem like the most high-end place in town. I would sneak glances over at Leigh every chance I could. I looked down at my plate of food and made a connection and I suddenly couldn't stop myself from letting out a laugh. Leigh immediately looked up from his food and looked at me, but once he saw I was laughing he smiled. “What’s so funny, Ar?”

I tried to stifle my laughter but it just wasn’t going to happen. I made an honest effort to try not to choke on my food as I spoke. “Aren’t you technically committing an act of cannibalism right now?”

Leigh was about to put a forkful of food into his mouth, but he stopped short as soon as I spoke. He set his fork down on his plate and pursed his lips together. I could tell he was trying really hard not to laugh. “I swear to the Gods, Arin, I’m going to punch you in the head.” His snarky comment only made me laugh, even more, I could feel everyone’s eyes on me but I really didn’t care. Leigh was laughing along with me, and that's all I really cared about. I loved his laugh so much, it was so infectious and adorable and it was practically musical. My stomach and face were hurting from laughing so hard, to be quite honest I don’t even know why I’m laughing anymore. I take deep breaths and collect myself and Leigh does the same.

“I’m sorry, I realized it and I just had to.”

He shook his head and just smiled. “I know you did, and the answer to your question is _no_ by the way.”

“Well, you’re pretty much a fish person Leigh,” I retorted. “So _theoretically_ you are.”

“ _Well_ , I’m in my human form right now so no, but if I was in my siren form then _yes_ theoretically.”

“Alright, I can accept that.” I smiled at him and he was still shaking his head at me but the smile was clear and present on his face. I would never get over how my heart swelled every time he smiled or laughed. Gods, help me. I was sure one day I would die of a heart attack because he smiled at me.

Once we finished eating, the same girl came back and cleared our plates from the table, leaving us alone for the rest of the night. It had gotten significantly darker as the night went on, and now the only light in the room was several candles scattered about the room. The musicians had started to play a quite, lovely ballad. I desperately wanted to dance with Leigh right now, but we couldn’t do it here.

“Leigh, come with me,” I said, holding out my hand as I stood from the table.

“Where are we going?” He took my hand almost immediately and I guided him out the back door and took him behind the tavern. There was nobody in sight, and I could still hear the music as it floated through the window.

“Dance with me?”

His eyes were bright blue and he blushed but nodded. The sound of violins filled my ears as I took Leigh into my arms and pulled him close. His arms wrapped around my neck as I started to sway us to the music. Danny often spent nights teaching me how to dance. I was extremely clumsy, and it took a lot of time, but he didn’t seem to mind. He was just as tall as I was but much thinner, so it was a marvel that he didn’t injure himself all the time when we danced. Of course, we never danced like this before. We had never been so close like this, even though I had wanted to. I was following instincts here, and soon enough we found our rhythm.

Not much later I was pulling him in to kiss me. Most of our other kisses were hard and passionate, full of lust and want. Or other times they would be small pecks on the cheek or lips, and they were over in the blink of an eye. This was something different. It was soft and loving and full of emotion, I didn’t know what I preferred more. Soon, the song was over, and I reluctantly pulled away from him.

He stared at me, his ocean eyes had turned into a dark navy color; like they had before. Before I knew it I was pressed against the wall. I stood there like a statue for a moment, but soon enough I snapped into place. I let my hands roam all over his body, Gods, I wanted him now. I broke away from him finally, and when I opened my eyes, the look he was giving me made me want to melt into a puddle on the ground.

“Let’s go...back to the inn.” I was absolutely breathless from the kiss. It was amazing how each time I kissed him my hands shook and my heart hammered. Leigh just made me feel like that.

I tugged on his hand and we set off, half walking, half running to the inn. We rounded a corner and my heart stopped. There was my crew, Splinter leading the lot, most likely heading to a tavern to get drunk off their asses. There was a time when Splinter was hated by everyone, considering at the time he was a newcomer. His real name was Mark, and couple days after Danny died, Mark got a terrible splinter after trying to fix the ship after the storm and the weight of everything that happened caught up to him and he began to cry. Everyone made fun of him for crying over a splinter because that’s what they thought, I knew otherwise. I knew because he was doing the one thing I hadn’t allowed myself to do; cry. They teasingly called him “Splinter” but I couldn’t make fun of him like the rest and told him to own up to his name and decided to name him Splinter for real.

Seeing him now, a rush of shame slammed into me. I couldn’t let them see me with Leigh. If they saw him they would see how he looked like Danny. And I didn’t know how that would affect them; I didn’t know how that would affect Mark. He looked up to Dan, and Dan had always watched out for him.

So I made a split second decision and pulled Leigh down a secluded alleyway and pulled us against the wall and we watched as my crew passed us by. I let go of the breath that I didn’t even know I was holding in as soon as they passed.

“What the fuck was that Arin?” His voice was frighteningly angry, and I froze.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WOW I've gone my whole day thinking today was Wednesday and I had to update and I just realized it's Tuesday. I'm fine I promise. Anyway, enjoy an earlier chapter than usual!

I learned quite quickly that Leigh was scary when he was angry. He had a look in his eyes that could easily pierce an unsuspecting man's heart, which was me in this situation. It was the kind of anger that was silent, he didn’t yell or scream, but you could tell he was seething on the inside. It was the kind of anger Dan had too, he didn’t get mad often, but when he did you should be rightfully terrified. I was too shocked to respond initially until Leigh cleared his throat and I was thrown back into reality. 

“Well, Arin?” His arms were down at his sides, the good thing was that his hands were not balled up into fists, that was a sign that he was restraining himself from punching me. I wouldn’t have stopped him if he tried to, I deserved it.  

“Alright, I can explain, Leigh-” I hold out my hands in front of me in a measly attempt to protect myself in the event that my fish lover decides to kill me. Oh, _Gods_ , he’s my _lover_. 

“You better, because Gods Arin, I know we need to keep our relationship undercover but I didn’t realize you didn't want to be seen with me in front of your crew.” My mind loomed on two things, everything he just said, and the fact that he said  _ relationship _ . His voice broke at the end of his sentence, and I could tell he was starting to choke up. I needed to fix this quickly before he started crying because Gods I might start crying too. 

“Gods, no, Leigh, it’s not that.”

“Then what is it?” He blinked away the tears away in his eyes and the sight broke my heart. 

“I didn’t want my crew to see you because you look like Dan, Leigh.” I watched him look down at the ground and bite his lip in thought. “I have a feeling that if my crew were to see you they wouldn’t take it very well. Dan’s death hit everyone pretty hard, he meant a lot to all of us, so seeing you would really spark up some confusion, and… I just want you to be safe is all.” 

Leigh wipes his eyes with the palms of his hands, and I realized he wasn’t angry anymore, just from his demeanor I could tell he was calming down. “I… I didn’t think about that. I’m sorry, Arin.” He continued to look down at the ground, but I lifted his chin up with my thumb and forefinger. 

“You have no reason to be sorry, Leigh. You had every right to be mad.” I smiled weakly to try and make him feel a bit better, he smiled back and it warmed my heart all over again. “To be fair I should have mentioned it beforehand, but I’m an idiot and I didn’t.” As I’m thinking about it, I really should have, because how did he even know that that was my crew in the first place? Is it really that obvious we aren’t from around here?

“You aren’t inherently an idiot, Ar, you just _act_ like an idiot _sometimes_.” He smiled softly at me and I couldn’t help to smile back. He kisses me again, and it was gentle and passionate at the same time. I kissed back and immediately put my arms around his waist. He pressed his body close to mine and I could feel every subtle curve of his body even through of our clothing. 

“Shall we make our way back to the inn  _ now _ ?” I teased.

He initially ignored my questioned and made work at my neck, biting and sucking at the nape. I knew there would be bruises tomorrow. “I have a better idea.” He spoke in a deep tone that sent heat straight down to my cock. His eyes quickly became lidded and in the darkness of the alley, his eyes looked almost completely brown in the dim light of the alley. 

“Please, indulge me.” I had no idea what he was talking about but I was  _ very  _ intrigued. I wasn’t prepared for him slinking down and getting onto his knees as he rubbed his hands up my thighs. “Uh… L-Leigh are you sure about this? Someone could see us…” I frantically look around, and there really is nobody in sight.

He looked at me from his position on the ground and bit his lip seductively. “That’s the fun part.”

_ Fuck _ . If that wasn’t the hottest thing I had ever heard. I felt my cock twitch in my pants and I suddenly felt all of my inhibitions melt away and all I wanted was his mouth on my cock  _ and  _ vice versa. “Alright, but are you sure you want to do this?” Gods knew I wasn’t going to stop him, but I still wanted to be sure.

“Of course I’m sure Ar, I’ve wanted to do this for a  _ long  _ time.” I don’t know what I did to deserve this man, but I’m thanking every God there ever was for this. “Try not to be so vocal, okay, love?” He says coyly with a wink, and with that, he begins to palm me through my trousers. I inhaled sharply and squeezed my eyes shut. I rested my head on the wall of the building as I savored the feeling and I felt him undoing my belt. He tugged both my trousers and undershorts down in one fell swoop. I instinctively opened my eyes and shivered as my cock touched the open air. “Now I finally get to see you.” I heard him spit into his hand, and soon after he began to work his hand up and down my shaft. My eyes fluttered closed and I sighed. This felt so much better now that we weren’t underwater.

“Fuck…” It was the only thing I managed to say, I was too distracted. Which I think was a good enough excuse.

“I’ve never done this before, so I’m sorry if this won’t be as good as you hoped…” He said sheepishly. I could practically hear him blushing at this point.

“Don’t worry about it Leigh, I haven’t either.” 

“That certainly makes me feel better.”

“We can both suck together.” I realized the pun I made and I can’t help but laugh.

“Such a dork.” Before I realize it he runs his tongue on the underside of my cock and I gasp loudly, and suddenly I don’t really care about how loud I’m being. The risk of being caught only makes me feel more  _ alive _ . The thought of someone catching us right now sends only more spirals of heat to my stomach. He swirls his tongue around my tip and I’m already in heaven. He firmly plants his hands on my thighs and squeezes them ever so often. His movements were painfully slow and fluid, I’m shocked knowing this is his first time, there was no way I could top this. 

“ _ Leigh _ ... “ I ran one of my hands through my hair and the other through his so I could see his face. I look down at him and has no shame in looking me directly in the eyes. He didn’t falter when he slowly started to take my cock in his greedy mouth. “You look so much more sexy with my cock in your mouth,” I said barely above a whisper, and Leigh responded with a pleased hum, which sent intoxicating vibrations up my shaft. As he continued to work on me, I only felt the knot in my stomach get tighter and tighter. I covered my mouth in an attempt to muffle the obscenities falling from my mouth, but Leigh was making it very hard to make that happen. I suddenly felt one of Leigh's hands leave my thigh, but make its way to my balls. I let his hand work at my balls while he continued to use his mouth on me. I felt greedy for being so close to finishing while Leigh isn’t getting any satisfaction of his own. “Wait, Leigh. Stop for a second.” He immediately did so and he looked up at me, his lips were swollen and wet and brow furrowed in concern.

“What’s wrong?”

“The only thing that's wrong is that you aren’t getting anything out of this.” I ushered him to stand up and once he did I tugged on his shirt towards me to crash my lips into his own. With my free hand, I rubbed at the obvious bulge in his pants. He whimpered as he threw his arms around my neck, his fingers playing and tugging with the strands of my hair. We switched our positions so that he was leaning up against the wall this time. 

“You know you don’t have to do this.” He gasped, his face was flushed and he was biting his lip. He looked so impossibly cute I couldn’t stand myself.

“I know, but I want to.” That was true, but I was so extremely anxious. I wanted this to be good for him and I didn’t want to let him down. I decided to try an mimic the same things he was doing on me as I was tugging down his pants. His cock sprung free of its restraints and I could tell Leigh was embarrassed. “Someone’s eager.” I teased, and I got down on my knees. I spat into my hand to make my motions easier and I started to slowly work my hand up and down his shaft, earning a breathy sigh from Leigh. 

I experimentally take the head of his cock in my mouth and swirl my tongue around it, just as he had. His hand flew up to his face to cover his mouth, but I could still hear a groan escape from his lips. His other hand ran through my hair to keep it out of my face, and every so often his grip would tighten just a little bit. I hollowed out my cheeks and I started to fully take him in my mouth. I held his hips steady to stop any attempt of him bucking into my mouth, and I looked up at him with every movement I made. He was biting his lip so hard I would think he was close to drawing blood. His brows were furrowed and it only accentuated the scar on his right eyebrow. “Fuck, Captain, you’re doing so good.” I hummed at the praise, and it only made him shiver from the vibrations. Hearing him call me Captain did something to me. I only grew more ravenous; hungry for him. I started to bob my head and the sounds he was making were only getting louder. Every little whimper, moan, and gasp went straight to my dick, and I couldn’t help but pump my hand over my own dick to relieve the pressure that was building.

The salty taste of his precum startled me at first, but I didn’t mind at all. I picked up the pace of my movements and I could start to feel his body tense up. The knot in my stomach felt as if it was about to snap, I was close and I could tell Leigh was too. 

“Captain!” He let out a loud moan as he came undone, I quickly followed at the sound of my title on his lips. I almost choked I was so surprised, but I swallowed every drop of his release. Leigh was left panting against the wall, looking completely destroyed. 

“Gods, Arin,” He said, and I finally rose up and pulled up my trousers. “I didn’t know that could be so amazing.” He pushed off the wall and pulled up his trousers, rebuttoning them with ease. 

“We’ll have to do it again sometime.” I agreed. 

“Sometime soon.” He started to lean forward for a kiss, but I hesitated. I knew that my mouth wouldn’t taste exactly pleasant right now. But Leigh closed the gap between us, giving me a sweet kiss that warmed my heart. Gods, I love him. 

He pulled away a breath later, a soft smile on his lips. “Walk me home?” I nodded, threading his fingers through mine. His eyes had returned to their beautiful blue. Lust no longer filled them, it almost seemed like it was love. 

We took our time getting home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, not sorry ;) Although, I am sorry about the fact this chapter seems a tad rushed.


	19. Chapter 19

The next morning I awoke with the smile from last night still lingering. Last night was just so  _ amazing _ , I didn’t know what to do with myself. 

I was just washing my face in the basin in the bathroom when Ross threw the door open. I couldn’t stop myself from yelping in fright. “Gods, Ross. You scared the piss out of me.”

“Suzy has spots!”

I turn around to face him. “Excuse me?”

“She’s got little red spots all over her stomach!” It didn’t sound all that pleasant, but Ross looked absolutely overjoyed.

I felt my arms go limp to fall at my sides. She wasn’t going to get better anytime soon. “Why are you happy? That means she’s gotten worse.”

“No, Arin,” I furrowed my brow in confusion, Ross never called me Arin unless he was so happy he was addressing me as a friend. “Don’t you see? This means the symptom list has narrowed down. Holly knows what it is!”

“Thank the Gods!” I started laughing, absolutely crazed laughter filled with giddiness. Ross grasped my arms and we started to jump around the room, laughing all the way. I felt absolutely ridiculous but, Gods, Suzy would be okay. 

“I have to get dressed.” I pulled my clothes on and raced after Ross to the infirmary. To where we saw Suzy puking her guts up into a bowl. Our mood instantly dropped and feared sparked in my chest once again. 

“Voodoo, what’s wrong with her?” Ross asked from beside me.

“She’ll be fine. I discovered what it was. The spots made it so obvious. I started her treatment and she’s not reacting well to it. But don’t worry, she’ll get used to it. We’ll it again after ten minutes, okay, Hex?”

Suzy lifted up her head from the bowl and took the glass of water from Brian whose hand was on her back comfortingly. 

“What does she have?”

“Typhoid.” A wash of realization practically overwhelmed me, now that she had said that it made so much sense. I ran my fingers through my hair, I was so overwhelmingly happy that Suzy would be okay. “In time she will be as right as rain.” Holly smiled at the lot of us and we all smiled back. I couldn’t lose another crew member, I don’t think I could take it. “Right now, she needs a lot of  rest as I’m putting her through the treatment, so if you all don’t mind I would like for you to leave.”

Suzy grasped onto Voodoo’s arm to get her attention. “Can I talk to Arin first, Holly?” 

She sighed, but caved anyways. “Alright, but only for a little while. Ten minutes at most. I’ll start treating the other men. I’m going to take Ross with me. If they react the same way you did,  _ he _ can clean up the puke.”

“Don’t the nurses usually do that?” Ross asked, groaning and rolling his eyes, he still had a smile on his face though, I knew he loved jesting with Holly. 

“Not here.” Holly said innocently, Ross seemed to know better than to argue. “What,  _ Fearless _ , afraid of a little puke?” I did my best to suppress the chuckle that wanted to burst out of my mouth. I didn’t do very well and Ross glared at me.  

“No.” He grumbled and followed Holly out of the room, thankfully, he didn’t look all that upset. Brian left soon after. With that everyone cleared the room and I sat by Suzy’s side.

“So how did the date go? Ross told me you would be going on one.” She smirked at me and I made a mental note to punch Ross later.

“Well I never told him  _ when. _ ”

“He said he could tell you were going to as soon as you could, he could see it in your eyes.” Damn it.

I sighed and decided not to fight the inevitable. “It was really nice, we went to dinner together and went dancing. We also…” I stopped momentarily, no way would I tell her what happened in the alley. “Went on a walk.”

“A walk?” She asked. I could tell she wasn’t very convinced of that last part.

“Yes.” I swallowed hard, I wasn’t the best at playing it cool but I certainly tried.

“What kind of walk involves having bruises on your neck?”  _ Shit _ . I completely forgot about that. I quickly covered the bruises with my hand, maybe if I covered then she would get delirious again and forget about it.  “Hiding them is not going to work, I’ve already seen them. Come on, Arin, I’m not that sick.” I let my hand fall and stay limp at my side.

“How bad is it?”

“Not too bad. Your hair covers it for the most part. Don’t let Ross see or he’ll never stop talking about it.” I groaned and slouched in my seat just at the thought of it. “How did it go though?”

“Good, just…” I thought back to the question I was going to ask him. I had stupidly forgotten to even mention it. It wasn’t the right time anyways. 

“Just what?”

“I want to ask him to join our crew, I was going to ask him last night, but we got caught up,” I smiled as I thought of what exactly we got caught up with, and shook my head. “And I forgot. I don’t know, I guess I’m just not sure if he would want to join. I’m not sure if he would want to be with me. I have a lot of issues that I still haven’t worked out. I’m not sure if I want him to have to handle that, handle  _ me _ .” The words seemed to flow out on their own accord as the smile fell from my face. I hadn’t even thought about this, I was trying not to. With Suzy here I couldn’t really run away anymore. It was impossible to hide from Suzy and she would’ve gotten it out of me sooner or later.

“Arin…” And there it was. The pity in her voice was apparent and it made me regret ever saying anything. But I was surprised to find her saying the opposite of what I thought she was going to. “I don’t think he cares. If you and this man truly feel for each other, which I think you do- I can see it in your eyes, then I don’t think he’ll care. He’ll understand, everyone has issues. I think he’ll want to be there for you. After all, who wouldn’t want The Great Captain Grimace.” She said my name in her signature confident tone and a bright smile on her face.

Dan, for one. Dan never wanted me like that. But I didn’t tell her that. No one knew the way I felt for him except for Leigh, and I hoped it would stay that way. 

“Thank you, Suzy. Really.”

“Of course. I’m sick, can’t walk, can’t eat, can’t even  _ shit  _ by myself. All I can do is help my friend.” I winced at the graphic mental image she put in my mind but reached for her hand nevertheless. Her hand was clammy and warm, but it was Suzy’s hand. Suzy, who wasn’t going to die. 

“I don’t what I would do with myself if you died too.” 

“You don’t have to worry. I’m not going anymore. Voodoo will fix me right up. If she managed to save that boy’s leg then she can save me.”

I smiled at the memory. After a terrible fight over at treasure found off the coast of Ireland, a cabin boy’s leg was shot and it looked  _ bad _ . The gunshot wound was all festered and it looked like we would have to chop the poor man’s leg off. But then, Holly “pulled some voodoo shit” as Dan said and saved him. That cabin boy now just has a big scar on his thigh. After she saved him, I decided to name her Voodoo. She seemed to take a liking to it. 

“She’s pretty great.”

I jumped as Holly appeared from out of nowhere by my side. “I know I am. Sorry, Captain, I need to get back to my greatness and work my magic on Suzy.” I must have been so distracted I didn’t even hear her come in.

“Oh, please,” Suzy deadpanned. “All she’s doing is mixing salt and water and forcing me to drink it.”

Holly wiggled her fingers and gestured to the cup of water that she had procured. “Magic.” I laughed and stood from the chair to get out of the way. “I suggest you leave now, Captain. Things could get ugly.”

“Yes, go visit your lover! I’ll be fine.” Suzy said, sitting up and taking the cup from Holly.

“Lover?” Holly questioned, but I dashed out of the room before I could get bombarded with questions. As I ran to the beach, happiness filled me. Suzy would be fine. Leigh would accept my proposal. We would set sail, find the treasure, and have money again. Everything would be fine.  _ I  _ would be fine.

I slowed to a jog as I reached the beach. I didn’t see Leigh but I knew he couldn’t be far. I ducked into the cave shouting for Leigh. I hoped he could hear me as the urgency in my voice was clear. I needed to see him. I decided to wait outside, I bounced on my ankles, relishing in the feel of the sunshine on my face. 

It didn’t take long before I heard a voice from behind me. “Arin?” I turned to see Leigh, blue eyes vibrant and full of confusion. His hair was wet, he looked tired as he rubbed his eyes and buttoned up his shirt. 

I couldn't hold it in anymore, the joy in me was filling to the brim. I ran to him and picked him up. Twirling him around with him secure in my arms. One hand wrapped around his waist, and the other securing his legs. His arms had already secured themselves around my neck as I lifted him. I couldn’t stop the smile on my face as I felt his laughter rumble through his chest. I slowed us to a stop and put him steady on the ground and then kissed him fiercely, and the world around us seem to shatter as my heart raced by just kissing him. 

“Arin, what’s all this about?” His eyes told me that he was incredibly happy about my good mood, but still terribly confused.

“Suzy’s going to be alright. She’s going to be just fine. Voodoo is fixing her. It’s going to be another week but she’ll be fine! My men will be alright too. Gods, today is the  _ best  _ day.”

A bright smile quickly grew across his face. “Arin, that’s wonderful. I’m so ha-”

“And I love you. I love you, I really do. This past month and a half have been the best time of my life. I haven’t been this happy since before Dan died. I love you. I’m in love with you. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m so glad I ended up on this island because otherwise I wouldn’t have met you.” The weight of the confession came crashing down and I realized I hadn’t even really come to terms with how I felt, but everything I said was absolutely true nonetheless. 

It occured to me that I was tightly gripping Leigh’s shoulders and I immediately released him, his expression was a mix of shock and disbelief. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to drop that all on you… I-” Before I could finish whatever bullshit was about to spill out of my mouth, Leigh threw his arms around me and hugged my neck with such a force I almost fell into the sand. 

He spoke into my shoulder and he sounded absolutely ecstatic. “I love you too, Arin. I love you so  _ fucking  _ much. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear you say that.” I could hear the smile in his voice and I couldn’t help but hold him tight to my chest. 

The smile on my face seemed to be permanent, like nothing could erase it. I released my tight hug on Leigh but only for a moment. I placed my hand on his cheek and pulled his face to mine to kiss him. 

When I did pull away I couldn’t resist saying, “I love you, Leigh.” I couldn’t help myself. That sentence falling from my lips made my heart feel the fullest it’s ever been. I opened my eyes, I saw that Leigh’s eyes were filled with tears. But he was smiling. In confusion I asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, nothing.” I wiped away a tear with the brush of my thumb. “I’m just really happy. I love you too, Arin. I really do. I’ll never stop loving you.” He was still smiling, but it didn’t reach his eyes. But I didn’t want to push him, not right now. It probably had to do with whatever he was going through. So I didn’t say anything, I just closed my eyes and kissed him again. And again, and again, and again.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where shit gets real yo. Hold on to your asses

Leigh and I had spent the rest of the day together. We sat on our rock and watched the sun fall behind the horizon. Leigh was halfway in my lap, and every now and then we would lazily kiss each other. But we were happy just to be in each other’s presence, even if we weren’t talking. 

The sun finally fell beneath the horizon, and we were bathed in darkness and stars. I knew I had to ask Leigh to join relatively soon, but how do I bring it up?  _ Leigh, you know how I’m a Captain of a ship? Yeah, I want you to come with me _ . 

No, that wouldn’t work.  _ Leigh, I love you and I want to bring you on this journey _ . Gods, that one was even worse. Everything I thought of sounded ridiculous. Then an idea sparked in my head, and I shot up straight.

“Leigh, will you follow me?” I stood and offered my hand to him. My heart skipped when he smiled and grasped my hand. 

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see,” I say, turning to him and winking.

It was late enough that everyone was either inside; sleeping for the night or drinking. We took back roads and alleys, just so we were able to hold hands the whole way. After our confession, I had no intention of letting him go. 

I blushed as we passed through  _ the  _ alley that we were in only a night ago. Memories sparked into my vision and I gripped Leigh’s hand tighter, my smile apparent even in the dim light of the alley. He met my smile with his own and leaned in for a kiss. I pulled him close, wanted to do a recreation of that night, but I couldn’t, not right now. There were more important things at hand. 

We walked until the docks were finally in sight, and at the very end of the line, next to all the schooners and brigs, was my ship. The Mask of Neptune. She was both elegant and bold in her structure, built with a strong cherry wood and painted a dark teal color. The sails were weathered with sun and age, but I thought it gave her character. The bright red detailing around the sides of the boat was still a beautiful contrast with the blue of the sea. My favorite part was the mermaid at the masthead, but now it carried on a whole new meaning to me. If Leigh declined my offer of joining me, I could imagine at it were him at the front of my ship, and I suppose it would be like him coming with me. Just having that thought quickly brought tears to my eyes, but I willed them away and forced the thought out of my head. 

I walked with Leigh to the dock of my ship. “This is my girl. The Mask of Neptune.”

“She’s beautiful.”  
“Thank you, I think so too. Ross tends to think that she’s a piece of shit.”

“Well he’s often wrong, so he can shove off.” I chuckled at that, and for a moment, it felt like Dan was still here. That’s something he would’ve said. I knew that Dan and Leigh were two different people with the same face, but in moments like these, it was hard to tell the difference sometimes. The thought made me feel horrible, insensitive, and  _ disgusting _ . But I did my best to push those feelings away and relish in the look of complete awe on Leigh’s face.

“Wanna get a closer look?”

“Hell yes.”

I took his hand and led him aboard the ship. I first took him to the bow of the ship to show him our masthead. “A mermaid, see? A little bit of foreshadowing. You’re much prettier though.” I earned a punch on the arm for that comment. Even though he tried to feign being angry, he couldn’t hide the smile on his lips from me. 

When I took him to the quarter-deck, he immediately went to the wheel. “This looks new.”

“Oh, yeah. We had to get a new one a few months ago. Ross insisted because he kept getting splinters and he had to keep seeing Holly about it.”

“Big baby.”

I chuckled. “That’s what I said. But he was right.”

I headed down the steps, Leigh close behind me. I opened the door to the Captain’s Cabin and quickly realized I hadn’t cleaned it in  _ ages _ . 

“H-hold on a second.” I jogged inside, blushing profusely and started picking up the clothes on the floor and did my best to tidy up the room. My face was completely red, only getting worse as Leigh chuckled and walked inside anyways.

“I don't care, Ar. It’s a nice room.” When he said that familiar nickname, my heart fluttered in response, but I still did my best to put all my clothes in a pile on the side of the room. 

“Thanks. But what I wanted to show you was this,” I pulled open the closet door and plucked the spyglass from its case and turned to show Leigh. 

“This is one of the last gift’s I got from Dan. He got me a blue sash, his favorite color, and this was wrapped around it.” 

“It’s my favorite color too.” Leigh picked it up gingerly, as if afraid to break it. “Why is it put away?”

“I didn’t want to use it. I didn’t want to run the risk of breaking it. Buying a new one seemed to be easier. Want to know what he said to me when I he gave it to me?” He nodded, still staring at the object, so I continued. “He said it was for me to look at the stars and make wishes. He said I deserved a thousand wishes if it meant I could be happy.” I paused, swallowing the lump in my throat. 

“The night he died is the last time I used the telescope. The sky had cleared after the storm, and suddenly I was surrounded by two seas: A sea of water and a sea of stars. I wished, and wished, and wished, and wished to anyone that would listen to please give me my best friend back.” I looked down at my hands as I spoke, my thick fingers slightly trembling. “I-I knew it was fruitless, and nothing would happen, but I had to try. Of course, nothing happened. So I put it away and swore to never touch it again. Until now, because I had to show it to you. I didn’t get Dan back, but I found someone new instead. A beautiful man who makes my heart race and,” I chuckled softly. Leigh still had not looked up from the spyglass. I begged him silently that he would look up. I wanted to see his eyes to know what he was feeling. “I met you, so it’s okay that the gods didn’t grant my wish. They gave me something better. They gave me  _ you _ .”

Leigh still didn’t respond. He was fixated on the spyglass, turning it around and around in his fingers. For a moment I was unsure that he had even heard me. “Leigh?”

“Arin, I have to tell you something.”

“Yes?”

He finally looked up into my eyes. They were round and wide with something like fear. My heart started to race. “I-I love you.” Relief sputtered through my chest and I sagged. 

“I know that you goof.” I smiled. 

He ran his finger on the length of the glass. “Y-yeah. I just wanted to tell you again.”

“I love you too, Leigh.” He delicately handed me the spyglass and I took it from his hands, turning to set it back in its case.

“Come on, I have one last spot to show you. I hope you’re not too afraid of heights.” His eyebrow quirked up in confusion, but I tugged his hand and led him out of my quarters. 

 

“Wow,” Leigh’s head was tilted backward, staring up at the sky. I had taken him to the crow’s nest, the highest point on my ship. From here, you could see the stars for miles. 

“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” I sighed, imagining I was breathing in the stars. “I used to come up here when I was missing Dan,” I remember the times when Dan and I would come up here and make up our own constellations, most of them being silly and absurd. “You know that legend of how when you die your soul became a star?” Leigh nodded, his eyes were closed now, the wind ruffled his hair. “I would come up here and wonder which star was his.”

“He meant a lot to you, didn’t he?” His voice was so soft I could hardly hear it. 

“He meant everything.” He sighed, and I thought he was starting to get annoyed with my near constant talk of Dan. “I’m sorry if I’m talking about him so much. And I’m sorry if that hurts your feelings. I hope you know you’re every bit as important.” I stopped for a moment, hesitant of hearing his answer. “That’s why I wanted to ask you something.”

“What?”

I took a deep breath, stopped worrying, and let the words flow. Because he  _ would _ say yes. Suzy had to be right, she always was. “In a week, we have to leave. Now that everyone is getting better, it’s time for us to go.” He opened his eyes and turned to face me. “I want you to come with me. You would love it, being on the sea. You’ll love my crew. They’ll love you, I know they will. And they’ll get used to you. Please, I love you and I can’t leave you here. So, Leigh, pl-”

“Arin, stop.” His hand was raised to catch my attention. 

“So? What do you say?”

“I need to tell you something.”

I smiled, reaching for him. “I know you love me, Leigh.”

He stepped back, away from me, and ever so slowly my heart started to break. “I can’t come.”  _ Crack _ . A piece breaks off. “After I say this, I don’t think you’ll want me anymore.” 

I furrow my brows in confusion. “I- I’ll always want you.”

“Arin, I’m really sorry that I didn't tell you sooner. I just couldn’t find the words.”

“Leigh, what is it?”

“It’s me. I’m Dan.”


	21. Chapter 21

“W-what?”

“I know it’s crazy and it doesn’t make sense, but it’s true. I’m Dan.  _ Your  _ Dan. Arin, I’m so sorry that I was gone. See, I didn't remember for the longest time. I truly thought I was Leigh.”

“Leigh, just stop for a second.” Was I even supposed to call him Leigh now? Was he being serious?  
“No, you need to know. When I met you I met you as Leigh. I was falling in love with you as Leigh. And then I started to remember things from my past, _our_ past, but only images. I would see a sky full of stars and this ship, but broken down, back when we first got her. Occasionally, I would see a mass of scruffy brown hair, your hair. I didn’t know what they meant but it finally clicked into place when you told me what happened to Dan. What had happened to...me.”

My hands were shaking. I barely had enough strength to leave the crow’s nest and climb down the rope. My feet were planted on the ground, but I felt like I was floating. What the  _ fuck _ was happening?

“Arin, wait.” I stopped walking but didn’t turn around. “When I remembered, I really wanted to tell you. But I couldn’t, I got scared, I was sure that you wouldn’t want me because I’m not the Dan you knew. I’m a  _ monster  _ now.”

I let out a breath I didn’t even know I was holding, uneven and shaky. I wanted to turn around, but I couldn’t force myself to. I kept my head down and my gaze fixed onto my black boots. 

“I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I’m a coward, I know. I was going to tell you, and then I looked into your eyes. Your beautiful eyes. I saw all the love in them and I thought that would disappear if I told you. So I told myself that it would be fine if I didn’t tell you. I’d let you leave and live your life without me and I’d be content with that because I thought you’d be happy. I didn’t expect you to ask me to join you again. When you did, I knew I had to tell you, cause even if you  _ hate  _ me,” his voice broke, and so did my heart. “At least you know the truth. But I love you. I’ve always loved you. I loved you as Dan and I loved you as Leigh, and I love you as whatever the fuck I am now. Please, turn around. Look at me.”

I wanted to.  _ Gods _ , I wanted to. But I couldn't. If I looked at him I feel as if I would break in half. If what he was saying was true, then where did that leave us? And that scared me. All the things I had told him.  _ Oh, Gods,  _ I told him that I had feelings for Dan. I had told him things that I never wanted him to know, that I didn’t want  _ anyone _ to know because I had trusted him. 

And now, I didn’t know what to believe anymore. 

I wanted to turn around, turn around and meet those beautiful eyes that I had come to love. But here’s the truth that no one new. Captain Arin Grimace was a coward. And meeting his eyes would make me realize that what he was telling me actually  _ was  _ true. So I walked away. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry.


	22. Chapter 22

_ Ross’ POV _

 

After a day of cleaning up puke, I was pretty pissed off.

I love Holly, but seriously she can be a pain in the ass sometimes. I was standing outside, leaning against the wall of the inn and I could clearly see the hunk of garbage that Arin calls “ The Mask of Neptune.” It was tacky and absurd, and I hated to say that after being on Arin’s crew for so long I had grown attached to the ship, but I would  _ never _ tell him that.

I loved that stupid ship and everyone on it. Suzy was kind and knew her way around a map. Brian, well, he was one crazy motherfucker, and I loved him for it. And Holly? She was insanely smart and the only person able to tell me off besides Arin. Not to mention she was really beautiful. Deciding to be Arin’s first mate and quartermaster was the best decision my immature ass had ever made. 

Speaking of Arin, here my Captain comes. I was beginning to wonder where he had run off to. No doubt somewhere with Leigh. He was smitten with that man, and I was glad for it. Even I couldn’t bring back that sparkle in his eyes after Dan had died, and when Arin met Leigh, his eyes seemed to get brighter. 

“Captain! How are y-” when I saw the look on his face, my voice instantly dropped. “Captain?” His eyes looked like they were made of glass. He looked like he was exhausted, he looked like someone had just crushed his puppy, he looked heartbroken. 

I braced my hand on his shoulder. “Arin,” I said more seriously. “Are you okay?”

He just looked at me with those dead eyes, not saying a word. I did my best to decipher what the hell was happening right now. I wanted to know what had happened to one of my dearest friends. He should be rejoicing right now. Not looking like  _ this _ . 

“Arin? Answer me please, are you okay?” 

Not saying a word, he shook his head. He shrugged my hand off his shoulder and wordlessly headed inside. I wanted to call after him but I didn’t exactly know what to say. What do you say when you don’t even know what’s wrong? 

I would check on him later, I decided. Maybe he just needed some time alone. I knew that when he was ready to talk, he would come to me. 

But I could already tell, just by looking into his eyes, that his heart was broken. Anger pulsed in my veins as I recalled the look on my captain’s face. 

_ Leigh _ had something to do with this. 

  
  
  
  


_ Arin’s POV _

 

When I woke up to sunlight blinding me, everything that had happened last night hit me like an iceberg. Dan was Leigh. Leigh was Dan. I didn’t even know how to properly grasp it. How could it even be possible? He died. I saw him die. I saw him fall over the edge and no one could’ve survived that without swallowing a liter or two of seawater. Unless… you’re a siren. But Leigh had to have been lying. But.. why would he lie?

He said he didn’t remember anything until I told him the story of how he had died and...oh Gods. That was why he freaked out and pushed me away. He finally realized it. After that, he had started to say things that he shouldn’t have known. Things that Dan would’ve known. I sit up straight, maybe it was really true.

He had always acted like he knew my crew members. And when he Suzy got sick it seemed he genuinely cared. I had always thought that it had been for my sake… but what if it wasn’t? What if it was truly because Leigh was Dan. That would explain why they looked so similar, but doppelgangers did exist. 

And he said he loved me and that he loved me as Dan too. That thought alone made me want to get up and race towards the beach, but I couldn’t do that. Wait, why couldn’t I do that? I love him, he said he loved me, and I need to know what the hell is going on. 

I turn to look at Ross’ side of the room, his bed has already been made and it looks as if he wasn’t even here. I run my hands over my face, my head hurts. Everything hurts right now. How was Dan still alive? Has he been a siren this whole time and he just never told me? Questions are flooding my brain and the only things I can think about are Dan and Leigh, the two things I  _ didn’t  _ want to be thinking about. I sluggishly get dressed and walk outside of the inn, the sun is sweltering and it’s much hotter than it has been for a while, I shouldn’t have worn my coat. 

I start walking and I end up heading to the tavern. On my way there I spot Fearless walking the opposite way I am. He spots me and immediately goes over to me. 

“Captain! Are you alright you looked like hell yesterday! Quite frankly you still do.” His brows furrowed with concern, but I waved a hand at him.

“I’m fine. Care to join me for a drink?” He didn’t seem convinced, but his eyes lit up when I said the magic word. I didn’t know anyone else who loved to drink as much as Ross did. Well, maybe Holly. She was a close second and went drinking with Ross all the time. 

“Of course, sir.” He said with a slight smile. We walked into the tavern and it seemed that everyone had the right idea about getting a drink on this hot day, it was packed. I was thankful, there would be a lesser chance of someone hearing what I had to say to Ross. We sit at a secluded table near the back and soon enough a tall maiden comes over to our booth. 

“What can I get you two?”

“Just two mugs of ale please,” I say, not wantng to risk Ross getting absolutely wasted when it was only noon. She nods and hurries away to the other customers in the tavern. I turn back to Ross and he only seems mildly disappointed. “I have to talk to you about something, Ross.”

He looks up to me and nods hurriedly. “Of course, what is it? Does this have to do with Leigh?” He said the name like it was venom, I was curious why, but I nodded nonetheless. But knowing what I know now, it hurts to hear that name. “What did he do?”

“He didn’t do anything. At least nothing bad.”

“Well, then what happened?” He questioned.

I took a deep breath. “Leigh is… a siren.” I lowered my voice so only he could hear. Ross’ expression quickly changed from general confusion to absolute bewilderment. 

“You have to be kidding right? You know I don’t believe that sirens are actually  _ real _ .”

“Well, I saw with my own  _ fucking eyes _ , Ross. He showed me a while after we met. He had a tail and fins and  _ everything  _ Ross. I wouldn’t lie to you about this.” I looked him in the eyes, his eyes were an icy blue and they were blown wide in disbelief. 

He was quiet for a moment. “What did he look like?”

“He looked like he normally did, he had a normal human torso and head and everything, but then he had an iridescent tail where his legs were. I couldn’t believe my eyes.” Thinking about him was now bittersweet. I still didn’t know what to think anymore.

Ross was quiet again. “I see. But then why were you so upset yesterday?” As he said this our two mugs were placed down in front of us. I was going to pay the maiden, but Ross was faster with the coin. Once she left, we continued talking. “Did he look different than he did before? Since sirens can change what they look like, right?” He took a big gulp of his ale, I just stared into mine. 

“To the person they most desire, yes. But that’s not the problem.”

“Then what is?” There was froth around his mouth, but he quickly wiped it away. I envied him for his ignorance about this whole mess. 

“He told me last night that he was Dan,  _ our  _ Dan.” I felt tears prick my eyes, but I ignored their presence. 

I could see a raging fire beginning to spark in his eyes“ _ What _ ?! That’s  _ impossible _ ! Danny  _ died _ . He couldn’t have survived what happened to him!” His voice continued to rise in volume. A few people looked over at us but went back to drinking. 

“But we don’t know that Ross! He knew things about us I didn’t tell him! Ever since I told him about how he died he’s been acting differently… I guess what I said triggered something and he started to remember things. He said he was afraid he wouldn’t want him back on the crew…I don’t know what to do anymore Ross. I loved Leigh, and Leigh wasn’t even  _ real _ . It was  _ Dan _ .” The tears started to flow out of my eyes, I couldn’t hold it back. I had missed Dan so much, but now that he’s back I don’t know how to feel anymore. I cried into my hands, why did this have to happen? “He said he loved me as Leigh, and he still loved me as Dan.”

Ross slumped in his seat, “How can this be possible?”

“I don’t know. It makes sense, but it also doesn't. I saw my best friend die and all of a sudden he’s  _ back _ ? Am I just supposed to believe him? It could be a trick. Maybe he’s just joking, but I don’t know for sure anymore.”

“You’re contradicting yourself here, friend.”

“I know, I want to trust him but I also don’t know if I can, but the situation is just so  _ ridiculous _ and impossible.”

Ross didn’t answer for what it seemed like centuries. When he did speak it caught me off guard. “Do you trust him?” 

I thought really hard for a moment. “Yes.”

“Do you believe him?”

“Yes.”

“Do you love him?”

“Yes.” I looked up at him and he was smiling softly, what’s he getting at?

“Then I don’t see a problem here.” What the fuck? “Sure this entire thing is absolutely insane, but Danny’s  _ back,  _ Arin. It’s a blessing from the Gods. I'm so thankful he’s alive and I want to go see him right now and punch him and hug him at the same time for leaving us like that, but you need to go to him. You need to make things right with him. Granted I know that information was a lot to handle because personally, I feel like I’m going to explode, but that’s not the point.”

I didn’t know what to say “But I-”

“No, shut the  _ fuck  _ up, you’re going to him.” I was taken aback by the force behind his voice. He chugs down the rest of his ale and slams the mug down on the table. I slide him mine because I know he’s going to ask, I wasn’t thirsty anyway. 

I wanted to go to him, I really did. But one nagging thought held me back. “But he lied to me. He lied and let me believe that he was Leigh. He let me believe that my best friend was dead.”

“Can you blame him?” My head snapped up, anger coursing through my veins. Before I could say anything he said something that dissipated the anger just as quickly as it came. “Look how well it went when he told you last night.”

He was right of course. No wonder Leigh, Dan, whoever the fuck he is, lied to me. It was all my fault. “You’re right,” I said softly, fussing with my coat sleeves, needing to do something with my hands.

“I know I am. Now before you get depressed and blame yourself for everything,” I blushed at how well he knew me. “It is not all your fault. You are not entirely in the wrong. If I was in your position I don’t think I would react any other way. I think he understands why you reacted the way you did. If not, he’s a fool and not our Lost Soul. But I think you need to go to him and find out. Find out, Arin, and don’t let this chance you have with him go to waste.” He leaned back in his hair, drinking deeply from his mug. I wondered why he looked as if he spoke from experience, but I would question it later. He was right, yet again, and I hated that. But I did need to go to him. Not only did I need to, I wanted to. 

“Fine. I’ll come back to tell you how it went.” I stand up from my chair and Ross gives me a kind smile. 

“Sounds good, you’ll know where to find me.” He raised his glass to me and took a big gulp from it. 

“Don’t drink too much.” He gave me a thumbs up and shooed me away. I walk back out into the sweltering heat and go to the beach. I peer into the cave and I see Leigh…or rather Dan, sitting on the ground staring into his lap. He looked up at me and I could tell he had been crying, the thought that I had made him cry tore my heart in half.

“Arin?” He said, standing up and rubbing his eyes. 

I hadn’t come here for this. I wanted to believe him with my whole heart but I just couldn’t. As hard as I tried I wasn’t entirely convinced. There was a persisting thought in the back of my mind that made me feel like this whole thing would end up being a practical joke. I didn’t know how to banish the thought, no matter how hard I tried. “Tell me something only Dan would know.”


	23. Chapter 23

He didn’t hesitate. He met my eyes and smiled as if he was expecting me to ask that. I hated that I was so predictable, but I hung onto every word he said. 

“It was June, almost midnight. I still think of that night, now and then.” Dan smiled at the ground, a far-off look in his eyes. “I didn’t expect anyone to be there that late but you were. There was a sky full of stars, you were laid out on your back. At first, I wasn’t going to talk to you, I was just going to go find someplace else to look at the stars. And then I saw the look in your eyes. You were crying, and looking at the stars as if they were the only friend you had. I didn't know why you were crying, but I wanted to help. You looked really alone, and I felt that way too sometimes. So I sat down next to you and asked what was wrong. You ignored me, got up, and walked away. 

“The next night you were there again. And this time when I sat down next to you, you apologized for walking away. You told me you had had a bad day. I knew it was more than that but I didn’t push just yet. We told each other our names and then every night we would see each other.” The memory sparked a warm feeling in my gut, and soon every part of me ached to reach out and touch him, hold him. But I held myself back, even as his voice started to break, and listened to the rest of his speech. 

“Does that seem familiar? It’s how we met when I called myself Leigh. Arin, were meant to be together. We were meant to be friends. Why else would we meet now in the exact same way we did when we were kids?”

He was right, of course. That’s how we met, and I knew without a doubt now that person in front of me was Lost Soul, my lost soul. Lost Soul because he left his whole family to set sail with me. Lost Soul because he would spend days and night staring out at the ocean looking for  _ something. _ Lost Soul because he was lost here, for five years. But he was not lost anymore. I had found him because he was a part of me. Our souls were intertwined, and the Gods knew that. After years of giving me absolute shit to deal with, the Gods finally gave me the only thing that truly mattered to me. Not my parents, not my ship, not my crew, although I loved them all still. It was Dan who mattered the most to me.  _ Dan _ .

“Arin, you’re crying. Are you okay?” I wiped away the wetness on my cheeks, but only more tears flowed. 

“I’m sorry I ran from you.” It was hard to breathe and talk through the tears but I forced myself to. “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you at first. I’m sorry, I love you, please forgive me for being  _ such _ an idiot.” I wrapped my arms around him, knowing what I know now it was hard to believe he was in my arms again. At first, he didn’t hug me back, and my breath caught in my throat. But slowly, he lifted his arms to wrap around my waist. And then we were hugging each other tightly, neither of us wanting to let go. 

“It’s okay, Arin, I ran from you too. I missed you so much.” His voice was low and soft as he spoke into my shoulder.

“It seems like it’s a dream but it’s not. You’re actually here, in front of me, holding me. I honestly don’t know what to do with myself.”

He pulled away a little, we were still holding each other but I could look into his eyes. “Kiss me.”

I complied.

Knowing that it was Dan right in front of me, kissing me, changed things in a way I didn’t think was possible. It was like a first kiss, even though I had already memorized the way his lips pressed against mine. When I pulled away from him, we were both breathless and flushed pink. He looked down and took my hands in his. “I’ve had feelings for you for a long time, you know.” 

“You did?”

“Of course, I didn’t think you’d return them but when you told me you did, I was ecstatic.” He ran his thumbs over the backs of my hands. “But I thought if I were to tell you it was really me, I would ruin everything we had.”

“Dan, look at me.” He looked up from our hands and he had a sad look in his eyes. “This entire situation is absolutely crazy, but that doesn’t change the fact that I love you. I’m just so thankful you’re alive and okay, I was lost without you. The fact that I get to share those feelings with you is a dream come true. But we can just continue where we left off, you being my first mate and best friend, if that’s what you want.” I felt as if I was taking advantage of the Gods kindness. I was given my best friend back, and now he could be my lover. I didn’t deserve any of this. But he was back, and if it was too strange for him to be my lover too, then I would step back and be his friend. I could live with that. 

“I want to be more than that, Arin. I want to have what we had before when I was Leigh. You were my  _ lover _ , it’s all I ever wanted. Once I got my memories back, it was the happiest I ever had been in all my life.” I saw tears begin to form in his eyes, but he was smiling. “You were my everything, Arin. You still are. I want to go with you and be your first mate again. I’m still your best friend, but I want to be your lover too.”

I couldn’t help but smile back, I wanted all of that too. “I wouldn’t want anything more.” We would sort out everything, Suzy, Ross, my crew, later, right now all that mattered were the two of us. I kissed him again but he was still smiling. “What are you smiling about?” I teased.

“Lots of things actually, but in particular I was thinking about how good you are with your tongue. Specifically, your tongue against my dick.”

Oh. Oh  _ no _ . I didn’t even  _ think  _ about that. My chest tightens and I feel like I’m about to explode. I sucked my best friends dick. He sucked  _ mine.  _ “Arin, are you okay?” He was smiling but I wanted to scream. It wasn’t a bad thing in the slightest, but Gods,  _ still _ . I decide to play along with the joke. 

“I feel like I’m having an existential crisis.”

“It’s fine, I’m just joking, Ar.” He started to laugh as I held my head in my hands. Another realization came over me, he knew what he was doing this whole time. He knew  _ exactly _ what he was doing in that alley. 

“You  _ knew _ ! You sneaky  _ bitch _ !” I yelled, but the smile on my face was contrary to my tone. Dan doubled over in laughter and I started to laugh along with him. It was times like these I would reminisce about when I was thinking about him. The times where we were just being idiots together were some of my favorites. Once we both recovered from our laughing fits we were standing face to face again.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

“How much did I miss in what... five years?”

“To be quite honest, not a whole lot.” He laughed at that.

“How’s Ross and Holly? Oh, and Suze.”

“They’re doing good. And  _ Brian _ is doing good too.”

“Oh, forgive me.” He joked, “It’s been a long time. I forgot.” I chuckled at his still burning fake hatred for Brian. Brian just had a love for pissing people off, and his favorite person to tease was Dan. 

“Do you want to go into town and see them?”

“Not quite yet, we can go into town later.” He pulled me close and he had a look in his eyes that made heat rise up to my face and my stomach drop. 

“Do you wanna go somewhere more...private?”

“Of course.” He led me into the cave and once we were out of sight he crashed his lips into mine. I was caught off guard when he tugged my coat off. He dropped the coat on the floor and pulled me even closer to him. He continued to walk backward and lead me to the makeshift bedroom, breaking our kiss to tug off my shirt as well. I pulled off his shirt and immediately went to pepper kisses to his chest and neck. He wrapped his arms around my neck and dragged me down to his bed. I settled myself between his legs and threaded my fingers in his hair, kissing him fiercely. 

Dan starts to tug off my trousers but I stop him and I see a  flash of hurt in his eyes. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“I am sure. You’re all I’ve ever wanted, Arin.” He assures me by kissing me hard, he opens his mouth slightly, and my tongue swept in, reminding him immediately of how talented my tongue was. My hands were everywhere, his hands were everywhere. His skin had always been cold when I touched but now it was _burning._ _We_ were burning. I slid the rest of our clothes off until there was nothing between us. 

I broke our kiss to slid my fingers in his mouth, wetting them. He kept eye contact with me as he sucked my fingers. Then I moved my fingers lower and pushed one into him. I covered his moan with my mouth, my tongue thrusting in and out, slow and hard, in time with my finger. 

I eased open his tightness with another finger, and soon he was panting hard beneath me. “Arin,” He moaned as I moved my kisses to that sensitive spot on his collarbone, where his scars were. I was painfully hard, and I made sure he knew it as I rutted against him. Another finger, another kiss, and I could tell I was slowly undoing him. 

I withdrew my fingers, and before he could protest I slowly, very slowly, sheathed myself inside of him. His whimpers and gasps echoed throughout the small cave. I paused, letting him adjust to my size as I busied myself kissing every inch of skin I could get my lips on. I could hardly breathe, couldn’t think as I savored the warmth of him, the tightness of him. 

He tugged on my hair, silently letting me know I was okay to move. I slid out ever so slightly and thrust back in. It was an effort not to pound into him relentlessly, but I savored each moan that fell from his lips, savored the way he said my name. 

Again, harder this time, slowly giving in to the hunger inside of me. The hunger that was only for him. Only for his touch, his lips, his  _ everything _ .

His blunt nails left bright red lines along my back as I thrust at a steady pace. Each bringing both of us closer and closer to the edge. “Dan.” I chanted his name like a mantra. He was so beautiful, spread out like his for me.

My lost friend, the man who would sail with me to the end of the world.

My lover, who I had wanted and waited for the longest time. 

My  _ everything _ , who had made me feel like I wasn’t broken, that I was only chipped.

He moved his hips in time with mine, his legs now wrapped around me. I scoured his body, remembering every detail of him as he was sprawled out. I shifted, thrusting again, and he cried out as I found that part of him that made him writhe underneath me in absolute pleasure. 

I focused on that spot, thrusting against it, again and again and again. He whimpered beneath me, tugging my hair, and I could tell he was close to breaking. 

“I love you,” I said, meaning it with every beat of my heart.

I watched him come undone, my name falling from his lips causes my orgasm to shatter through me, I thrust into him, drawing out our pleasure, making each of us last as long as possible. 

There was silence, our panting breaths and the waves crashing against the shore the only sounds. I pulled out of him, and fell beside him, curling him into my arms. We were both sweaty and warm, but I didn’t care one bit. I just wanted him in my arms again. 

“I love you too,” He said, and I kissed him deeply, then he spoke the words I had once said to him many many years ago. “Let’s set sail,  _ together _ .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything is going to be okay.


	24. Chapter 24

Dan and I held each other there in the darkness, exchanging our vows of love for each other and sweet kisses. I quickly realized that the cave was much darker than it was earlier and came to the conclusion the sun was setting. “We should probably get dressed, you still need to see Ross.” Dan made a sound that could have been perceived as annoyed and irritable. “Love, please? I told him he would be able to see you.” I gather up my clothes laying on the ground and start to dress. 

“Fine, I guess I do have to see him eventually.” He teased as he stretched out his long limbs. We were the same height, but his lanky appearance makes it seem that he's taller. 

“It has been five years, he’s missed you a lot you know.” I tossed him his clothes and he started to reluctantly dress.

“Despite my hatred for him, I did too.” I chuckled at his comment. Ross had a particular talent for getting on Dan’s nerves, but nevertheless, they still loved each other. I hope things will go back to the way they were. With Dan and I, it feels like nothing and everything has changed at the same time. But everything was okay,  _ we  _ were okay. 

Once we dress, we exit the cave together. Just as I had suspected the setting sun began to turn the sky into a deep tangerine orange.

“Where did you leave Ross?” He asked.

“At the tavern.”

“Does he still have a little bit of a drinking problem?”

I was quiet for a moment. “...Maybe?” Guilty as charged, he most certainly still did. “I told him to take it easy though.”

“You've always told him that.”

“Well, maybe this time he listened.” I was all too hopeful on relying on Ross to not drink. Once we make our way to the tavern it’s just as busy as it was in the afternoon. “You can stay out here, so we can talk in partial privacy at least.” 

Dan nods and walks into the nearby alley by the tavern, but first, he turns around to give me a lazy smile. “Memories, huh?” I blush at the thought but I shake the lewd thoughts away. He chuckles as if he could tell exactly what was going through my mind and heads into the darkness. I go into the tavern, my eyes scanning the room for the short foreign man with icy blue eyes. 

I see him at the same table, but playing cards with a large muscular man with a patchy grey beard and salt and pepper hair. Ross looks rather nervous, and I can easily infer that he’s losing. “Ross!” I call out to him, and his ears immediately perk up. I go over to him and I nod at the man he is losing to. “Dan’s here, he’s outside. Please, tell me you aren't drunk.”

He puts his hand of cards down and gives me a smug smile. “Jokes on you, asshole, I didn’t drink anymore after you left. I figured I would need to be sober for this.” He dug into his pockets and gave the large man some coin. “Thank you for playing with me, but I must go now.” And with that, we leave the tavern and I lead Ross to the alley that Dan slinked into. 

As soon as Ross sets his eyes on Dan, he freezes in his place. Dan turns to him, his arms crossed, as if he was cold or as if he was protecting himself. “Hey, buddy.” He said tentatively.

“‘ _ Hey, Buddy _ ?’ That’s the first thing you say to me in five years?” 

“I-I I’m sorry?”

“Come here,” Ross took a few steps forward and engulfed Dan into a hug. I hear Dan’s broken sob as he gripped Ross tightly. “It’s been a long time, friend.”

“I’ve really missed you, you scoundrel.”

“It’s really you, right?”

“ _ Yes. _ I promise it’s me.”

Ross sighed, a weight seemingly lifted off of his chest.“It hasn’t been the same without you.” Their voices were muffled as they hugged each other tightly, but I could make out what they were saying.   
“How have you been?”

“Depressed,” Ross said matter of factly. 

Dan chuckled, finally pulling away enough to look Ross in the eyes. Ross still gripped Dan’s arms, as if he was afraid that if he let go, Dan would just disappear. “Have you finally gotten the nerve to court Holly?”

“What?” I spoke up, now  _ really _ confused.

They continued as if I had never even spoken. “Well…N-no.”

“Why not?”

“We’ve been distracted…with…other things?” He said each sentence like it was a question as if he didn’t know the reason himself. Which now that I thought about it he probably didn’t at all. 

“For five years?”

“Yes?” 

“Ross.” Dan looked and sounded stern, a fierce look in his eyes, and I was still utterly confused. Ross and Holly,  _ courting _ . That came from nowhere.

“I’m still very confused,” I said, scratching my head. 

“Arin, how are you this oblivious? Ross and Holly have liked each other for  _ years _ .”

“That’s absurd.”

“No…it’s not.” Ross finally lets go of Dan’s arms, as if he was now assured that Dan wasn’t suddenly going to disappear into thin air. “I’ve loved her since I first met her.”

Oh.  _ Oh.  _ It all suddenly clicked into place. “Why didn’t I know about this?!”

“Because you’re absolutely oblivious. You didn’t even notice that I was in love with you.”

“You didn’t notice either!”

“Fair point.” Dan nodded and laughed with that musical laughter that sent my heart beating like a drum. “Ross, it’s been years. You need to tell her how you feel.” I thought back to the past several years that Holly has been a part of my crew. It made sense. When he first met her, Ross stuttered and stumbled over his words like he was drunk. They bickered like an old married couple. They went out drinking  _ constantly _ . And Holly would often blush if Ross looked at her too long, and he was often the first person that she said hello to. 

“I wouldn’t even know where to begin with her. Unless I’m drunk, I’m a stuttering mess while talking to her.” Ross said. While I knew that he was having a hard time confessing to her, it still warmed my heart that he had learned to love someone. I was worried because he occasionally slept with women, but he never stayed with anyone. He insisted it was because we moved around too much but he knew that if he really cared about a girl we could bring her with us. I suppose he had already found someone that was on our crew already so he didn’t have to worry. 

“Ross, you should do something for her. Bring her flowers, buy her a gift, write some poetry, anything to show your affection.” 

“But what if she doesn’t feel the same way? Or she does but she doesn’t want the same thing that I do. What if she’s just looking for someone to spend lonely nights with, but with her, I want every day for the rest of my life.”

“You keep saying ‘what if,’” Dan said, clasping Ross on the back. “You’ll never get anywhere with ‘what if’s. What is your name?”

“Fearless.”

“And how did you get that name?”

“The first time pirates tried to plunder us. Everyone was scared shitless, except me. I faced off their captain in a sword fight, and won.” I remember that day well. I stood back as a test, I wanted to see if he had what it takes to be my quartermaster and officially my second. That captain refused to reason with us, so we had no choice but to fight. It made me ever so proud when he unsheathed his sword and offered to fight in my place. When he emerged from that fight, only a measly slash on his arm, I knew he would be the best second mate I could ask for. 

“There’s a reason I named you Fearless,” I said, leaning against the wall. “Because you are. Be fearless now. Now is the time.”   
“Do you really think I have a chance with her?”

“You have more than a chance, Fearless,” Dan said, looking at me and meeting my eyes. “All you have to do is take it. You’ll never know if you don't try, trust me.” 

Ross nodded, turned on his heel, and walked away. He patted me on the back as he walked past. I gave him a soft smile and wished him luck. Once he was gone, I swept Dan into my arms and kissed him. I couldn't help myself.  “I’m very glad we took a chance.”

He rested his hand lovingly on my cheek, and I leaned into his warm hand, gazing into his lovely eyes. “Me too.” His eyes were still mesmerizing, that ocean blue color surrounded by a ring of deep chocolate brown. Dan’s eyes and Leigh’s eyes melted into one, for he was now somewhere in between the two of them. But whoever he was was somehow in love with me. And I loved all of him, every single part. I did my best to convey my feelings in the passionate kiss that we shared in the dim light of the alley.  _ Memories _ . Memories, indeed, that I would forever hold to my heart. 

I knew we would make more memories together, our life wasn’t over. 


	25. Chapter 25

“I still can’t believe it’s you.” Suzy held Dan’s hand in hers. She had gotten better, but she still had a fever and the spots were still fading. 

“I know, but it’s really me.” Dan sat on the chair next to her, looking at her like she was the sun. 

Last night, Dan and I went back to my room and fell asleep in each other’s arms after talking for hours. Through all that time Ross hadn’t come back to the inn, but I didn’t worry. I knew he was just taking some time to himself. 

When we woke the next morning, he still wasn’t there, and there wasn’t even a sign that he had ever visited. When we came to the infirmary this morning, there were lots of tears and feelings of disbelief. When Suzy saw him, she proceeded to puke all over the floor. Brian was stoic in the corner, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. He still hadn’t said one word to Dan. Holly was surprised, but when I told all of them the story they seemed to believe me. 

Holly kneeled on the floor, wiping Suzy’s sickness off the floor. I offered to help but she pushed me away, telling me that she was fine to do it on her own. While Dan was preoccupied with chatting with Suzy, I went over to lean against the wall next to Brian, he almost didn't meet my eyes.

“What do you think of all this?” I said. 

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to believe this. It just seems really unbelievable. How did he  _ not  _ die?” I left the part about Dan being a siren out, that was his secret to tell. Besides, I wasn’t exactly sure how to explain it, he would be able to tell it better than I could. “And how did he not come back to us immediately? How did he not tell you immediately who he was once he realized?”

“He didn’t remember us, Brian. When he did remember, he was afraid of how I would react. I can’t blame him for that.”

“Well, I can.”

“Brian. We have Dan back now. That’s all that matters. Please, let the rest of it go. For me. For Dan, your old friend. Just talk to him.”

“I don’t know if I can.” His voice broke, and when I next looked into his blue eyes again, there was a deep sadness in them. 

I took a deep breath before I spoke. “Look, he didn’t choose for this to happen. We’re very lucky to have found him again. It’s a one in a million chance.”

“I know that.” He barked.

“All I ask is that you give him a chance, just talk to him.” He nodded, and I let him be. I moved to settle down in a chair beside Dan. Not a second later did the door slam open, beholding Ross. He held a bouquet of deep blue Caribbean lilies and red hibiscus flowers in his shaking hands. I watched Holly look up from her position on the floor. 

Her light green eyes brightened at the sight of him. “Ross?” She questioned. I couldn’t help the big smile on my face as I watched them. 

“H-holly. I-I uh…” He stopped, shook his head and began again. “Holly. You...y-you,” He started out very confident but he was right, he was a stuttering mess in front of her. “Very very pretty.” He jerked his hand out, almost throwing the bouquet across the room. I didn’t know if he was talking about the flowers or Holly. I hadn’t seen him this nervous in… well… ever. I hadn’t ever seen him this nervous. 

She blushed, smiled, and got up from the floor. And I suddenly remembered that she was in the middle of cleaning up Suzy’s sickness. I leaned my head in my hands, this was not a good time for Ross. 

As she stood to her full height Ross’ stuttering seemed to get even worse. “I-I think y-you’re very p-pretty.” 

She smiled, tucking her hair behind her ear. She walked up to Ross, his eyes were big and wide and he seemed  _ very _ scared. She only kept smiling as she approached him, and I held my breath. 

She took the flowers from him and stood on the tips of her toes to kiss him on the cheek. She turned to the rest of us while Ross’ face turned a million shades of crimson. “It took you long enough.”

“S-sorry.” He smiled despite his embarrassment and I couldn't help but be happy for him.  

She shook her head and turned towards us, the smile on her face present and the joy in her green eyes obvious.“Will you be alright here?” I nodded, reaching over to thread my fingers through Dan’s. 

Holly took Ross’ hand and lead him outside. He looked like he was in a daze like he didn’t actually expect her to accept his gift. If I’m being honest I wasn’t entirely sure she would either. But it was clear now that she felt something for him. I truly was oblivious to not notice it before. 

“Brian,” Suzy said from her bed, she was sitting up now, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. “You owe me five gold.” He rolled his eyes and fished the coins out of his pockets.

“I feel cheated.” I laughed and looked at Dan, bewildered that Ross had managed to do it. Well sort of. He stumbled his way through it. Fearless indeed.

Dan’s eyes were focused on Brian, but Brian still refused to look at him. Dan stood up from his chair and walked over to Brian. He stood in front of him, towering over him. Even still Brian refused to look him the eye. What I wasn’t expecting was Dan wrapping his arms around him, holding him tight. Brian was dumbfounded, eyes wide with shock. I wasn't prepared for Brian to return the hug, eyes welling up with tears as he pressed his face into Dan’s shoulder. 

His voice was muffled as he spoke, but I could still hear what he was saying. “You fucking asshole, I’ll never forgive you.”

“I missed you too, Brian.”

“Thank the Gods,” I muttered under my breath. I was glad they had finally reconciled, at least they were starting to. 

“How long have you known that he was Dan?” Suzy said, and I swiveled around in my chair to face her. Even though she didn’t look better, she seemed to be feeling better. Her smile for once wasn’t masking pain. 

“Not long. Only a few nights. I reacted badly. Worse than you guys.”

“That’s understandable. It’s a strange thing to happen.”

I huffed. “More than strange.” But I looked to the men again. They had broken apart, Brian no longer brooding and Dan’s two-toned eyes alight with happiness. The smile on my face was real as I watched him tip his head back and laugh at a joke Brian must have made. Then I thought of how my crew would react to this, and the smile was gone. Suzy was the  _ only _ one of my inner circle to react well and with open arms. Even Holly had muttered to herself, calling herself crazy. How was this going to work with my crew? How was any of this going to work?

“Arin,” Suzy said from next to me. When I met her green eyes and saw all the concern in them, I only sighed and looked away. “I know you well enough to know when you’re worried about something. Come on, tell me.”

“It’s nothing.”

Her perfect brows furrowed, but her lips were upturned in a grin.“What did I just fucking say, it’s obviously not.”

I sighed, facing her yet again. “How are we going to do this? Just mention to the crew: ‘Hello lads, by the way, that guy you thought died years ago? Nope. And he just happens to be my lover. Oh, and a siren.’ They would think I’m crazy.”

“Maybe if you mention the siren thing they will. But otherwise, it’s not all that crazy. A once in a million chance? Yes. A miracle? Yes. But not completely crazy. Some of them might freak out, some might burst into tears,  _ most _ will welcome him back with open arms. Remember, you hired them all for a reason. They are reasonable people, except Brian of course.” We both paused to chuckle at the day Brian scared the shit out of everyone on the crew. We were in another battle, some pirates trying to board. He had just been tasked with being in charge of the canons but knew them well. He shouted orders and manned canons and everyone followed because in his eyes there was something else there. Complete madness in his eyes. 

After we won, he still looked insane. Everyone was scared to approach him. I was too, but I clapped him on the back and said “Nice job, Mad Eyes.” It was only then his crazed eyes vanished and his familiar smile and laugh appeared. Whenever that battle look appeared, it  scared the shit out of us and our enemies. 

Dan’s eyes met mine, and his smile got brighter, lighting up his whole face. “I see the way you look at each other,” Suzy said. “I believe that everything will be fine in the end.”

But despite all that Suzy said, I was still unsure. I nodded in agreement with her. As I looked at Dan once again, his eyes as bright as ever, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen. 


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a forewarning this chapter is painfully fluffy. I’m practically suffocating

“Are you sure about this, Arin?”

“Yes, absolutely. Everything will be fine.”

“You say that, but I’m not convinced.”

I ran my hand through Dan’s hair and kissed the top of his head. He leaned against my shoulder as we sat and waited in the common room of the inn. It was fairly empty as it was the middle of the day and I had frankly stopped caring if people saw us being affectionate. If they had a problem, they would end up with a bloody nose. Or worse. And then _after_ Dan was done with them, I would kick them into the dirt. Dan wasn’t the type of person to resort to violence, but he wouldn’t hesitate if it was for someone he cared about. I was insanely lucky to be that person he cared about. “It will be fine,” I assured him. “I think they’ll react well.”

“Yes, you’re old first mate comes back to life, I’m sure they’ll spew rainbows and kittens from their mouths in happiness.”

I chuckled. “That sounds uncomfortable and equally unpleasant.”

He rolled his eyes but smiled nonetheless. “Such a dick.” He muttered under his breath.

“Ah, thanks love, you’re too sweet to me” I feigned innocence as he looked at me with death in his eyes, the smile falling from his lips in mock anger. “Anyways, everyone has missed you so much. The chance of them not wanting you back is incredibly slim. The chance of them not welcoming you back with open arms is even smaller.”

He picked at his fingernails and looked down at his hands. “If you say so.” I could tell he still wasn’t convinced, so I took his hands in mine to stop him from fidgeting I intertwined his fingers in mine. His hands were warm now, not uncomfortably so, but a large difference from his once freezing cold hands. He looked up at me and gave me a weak smile, which I returned. Not a moment passed when I heard some of my inner circle emerge from their respective rooms with their belongings.

It was time to set sail for the treasure, at last. Suzy still sometimes felt faint if she walked for too long, as that’s why Brian was carrying her things. She was regaining her strength though and could continue to do so on our ship.

The rest of the crew was already on the ship itself, and that’s where Ross was, overseeing them. I stood, gathering my bags in my arms. Dan had decided to leave everything behind. His words still echoed in my mind. _I don’t need it. All those things belong to someone else, and maybe they can help the next person that finds shelter there._ He still took the vibrant blue quill, the one thing he had decided to take with him. I had kissed him deeply for it.

The sweltering sun beat down on us as we walked along the cracked and fading road to our ship. Salty air ruffled my hair as I nodded goodbye to the patrons of the small village. Soon the mast of the ship slid into my view, and soon I could see it all. I tried not to think of my empty pockets as I watched my crew carry boxes full of supplies on board. It was only the necessary things we needed for these last few days of our journey to the small island. As we drew nearer to the ship I could make out Ross’ scruff of brown hair. As soon as noticed us he jogged to us, a bright smile on his face. He first nodded to me, but then he blushed as he met Holly’s eyes. I shared a look with Dan.

“Hello, Ross.” She said, brushing her hair away from her eyes.

“Hello, gorgeous.” For once he didn’t stutter and was strangely smooth as he took her hand and kissed her knuckles. It seems that whatever was happening between them it was going well. “May I take your bags for you?”

“That would be very kind of you. Thank you, Ross.” She smiled, her freckled cheeks stained with crimson colors.

He smiled brightly and took the heavy bags full of her clothes and medical supplies. The two walked ahead, and Holly giggled, truly _giggled_ , at a joke Ross had just made.

“They are just adorable,” Dan said to no one in particular.

“It’s wonderfully disgusting.” Brian gruffed, hauling both his and Suzy’s bags aboard the ship. Suzy laughed and followed after him. Then it was just Dan and I. The crew hadn’t noticed us yet, too absorbed with themselves and the work they had to do to get the ship ready to set sail.

“We can just run away now,” I said breathlessly. “Just you and me. We can find someone to take us into Cuba and from there we can find a way back to England. It can just be you and I. I love you so much and I don’t want you to be heartbroken if they react badly. We could do it. We could just _go_.”

He grasped my hands and we turned our bodies toward each other until we were facing. I met his brown-blue eyes and beheld all the love in them. Seeing those eyes made my stomach stop sputtering and soothe itself, but I would do it if he asked. “Arin…”

“Think about it, “ I breathed, my voice unsteady. “Ross could be the captain of The Mask of Neptune. He was a natural leader, and that was part of why I made him my quartermaster. Holly would stay with Ross. Suzy and Brian would be fine on the ship. If we left right now, things would be okay without me.”

“Arin…” He sighed, squeezing my hands. “I think we need to go.”

“Are you sure?”

“I know you really don’t want to go.”

“It doesn’t matter. I would for you.”

“So if I said yes, we would leave right now?”

“ _Yes_.” I didn’t know how else to say it to him.

“I love you.” His hands slid up to cup my face and play with my hair slightly. “But I would never ask that of you. I’m a little nervous, yes. But I’m mostly really excited to be out on the sea again. Especially if I’m out there with you.”

I sighed. “I just don’t want you to regret this.”

He scoffed and a smile spread upon his lips. “How could I ever regret something if I’m with you. You’re worth it, Arin. You’re worth everything.”

 

“Thank you,” I said, leaning in to kiss him. And for a moment I didn’t care about my crew could easily spot us. I didn't care about the villagers that would probably not approve of two men kissing in the middle of the street. I didn’t care about the blue sea and how it called to me. For once it was quiet. It was like we were the only two people in the world. And to me, we were.

We were two separate stars, but we glowed together like a constellation in the night sky. And that was enough. Though two stars do not make a constellation, we were more than that. We were joined by the rest of our crew: Ross, Suzy, Brian, all of them. I knew that Dan and I wouldn’t be as well off without them. Finally, we broke apart, and suddenly the whole world came into view again. I took a deep breath and we held hands as we walked aboard my ship.


	27. Chapter 27

_ Mark’s POV _

The captain had asked me to check on everything with the ship to ensure everything was really okay and set. He gave me the orders in a rush, and he was gone as quickly as a gust of wind. I was still a bit nervous about setting sail, even though I knew my work was good I had this unnerving sense of doubt that something,  _ everything _ would go wrong. Everyone was counting on me to make sure they were safe. I tied down a few boxes of supplies and tugged on the rope, making sure it was secure. 

It was then I realized that it was deathly quiet on the ship, which was odd for many reasons. For as long as I had been on the crew it had never been quiet, even in the dead of night. There was always some drunk asshole singing sea shanties. I turned around wiping the sweat off my brow with the back of my hand. I froze as I beheld the sight before me. I knew what I was seeing, but my eyes couldn’t transfer the image to my brain. Something must have been seriously wrong with my eyes because I saw  _ Danny _ . He was there, messy hair in all its glory, standing next to the captain, their fingers intertwined. I was confused on so many levels.

“What the fuck?” A mate of mine, Jack, said next to me. The vowels in the words he spoke were sharp and thick with his Athlone accent. 

Before I could realize it, my feet were already taking me towards this… I didn’t know what he was. Friend? Stranger? My mind was racing but I wanted to get closer to him. He was taller than me, just like Dan was. Everything about him was just like how I remembered, the only things that were different were the stubble covering his jaw and chin and his eyes were now slightly blue. I felt tears burn my eyes, I couldn’t believe it. I found myself standing nearly toe to toe with him. His brows were upturned in a nervous expression, but he had a kind smile painted across his face.  

“Hey, Splinter.” His liquor smooth voice rumbled through me. I can’t believe it. One of my role models in this life is really back. He  _ died _ . How is this possible? I couldn't control my arms as I threw them around him. He was just as lanky as I remember too. He stumbled back at the force of the embrace, but I felt the tears spill out of my eyes as he wrapped his own arms around me. I could feel the rest of the crew’s eyes on us and the silence was almost deafening. 

“Gods, it’s really you.” I choked out.

“It’s really me. I missed you all so much.” His voice cracked and I could feel his chest heave. 

I released my iron grasp from him and I suddenly realized I was overwhelmed with questions. “What happened to you? Have you been here this whole time? Why didn’t you come sooner?”

“I’ll explain everything soon, Mark, I promise. I’ll explain to everybody at once. I just think I need to make my rounds first.” He looked up and away from me and I realized the rest of the crew was either in tears, disbelief, or a bit of both. I moved away from him and Jack went up to him first and nearly tackled him. Everyone crowded around and gave him all of the love we had for him. Everyone missed him so much, he was such a big part of our crew and we thought things were never going to be the same without him. And now he’s back. The Gods just have really blessed us for this to happen. I look to the side of the crowd and I see Arin standing with his arms crossed and a wide grin on his face. I walk to him and he nods at me.

“He was worried everyone wouldn’t want him back. To be fair I was worried too, but I still knew things would have turned out okay.”

“Everyone missed him dearly. We’re ecstatic.” 

“I know. It makes me so happy to see that things can be back to the way they were.” He sighed. “Thank the Gods.” He said barely above a whisper. “There’s one hell of a story behind all of this though.”

“I’m sure.”

The captain chuckled lowly as he straightened out his back. “Well think it’s about to get going now. Everything all set, Splinter?”

I snapped out of the daze I was in, the event that had just occurred left me in a haze. “Oh! Yes, everything is set and ready to go, sir.”

“Wonderful,” He suddenly clapped a hand onto my shoulder. “Thank you for everything you do, Mark.” I smiled at him and nodded. He already knew I was happy to help. He walked away to make sure everything was in order. This had to be one of the best days of my life, I felt I owed everything to the Gods, I couldn’t thank them enough.

 

_ Arin’s POV _

 

Everything went surprisingly… well. After Dan had shaken hands and hugged everyone on the damn crew he sat on a box up the front and explained the whole story. We had decided to just tell people that Dan hadn’t remembered who he was, and that was why he didn’t come looking for us. I told my part, telling the crew how I hadn’t recognized him at first even though something did feel familiar about him. And then we both told how slowly Dan started remembering things, remembering us. All of what we told them was true. We just thought it best not to mention him being a siren. That was to be kept to my inner circle.  

They hadn’t asked many questions, but when we were done I had decided it was time to set sail. The sun was already heading towards the horizon, if we didn’t stop talking now we’d be setting sail in the darkness. 

Soon enough we were on our way and the night fell, stars shone brightly in the sky. I thanked them again for giving me my best friend back. I retired to my room, leaving Ross to be in charge for the night. I heard a very gentle knock on my door as I started to undress. I opened the door just a crack and I saw a familiar face. I smiled and ushered Dan inside, closing the door behind him. As soon as I closed the door I was shoved against it, warm lips meeting mine. Alright, two can play at that game. 

My hands quickly found his waist and I tugged at the hem of his shirt, tugging it off in one smooth motion, breaking our kiss for only a moment. My hands glided across the warm skin of his lower back. My heart tugged at the thought of never meeting him again, of never feeling this, of never loving him. I loved him before, yes. But this was something different. I was in love with him, and I would not trade that feeling for all the treasure in the world. 

Our teeth clashed as he thrusts his tongue into my mouth. This was new. Dan had never really taken control before, but I wasn’t going to complain about it. I instead savored the feeling of him, running my hands over his small ass, his lower back, dipping my fingers just under the fabric of his pants. He sighed into my mouth and he brought his hands up to my face and pulled me closer to him. I smiled into the kiss, wrapping my arms around his thighs and lifting him up, turning him around so now he was pressed against the door. His legs were wrapped around my waist and I could feel how excited he was. I ground against him and it drew out a small whimper from him, but that only seemed to make him more eager. I smothered his moans with my lips as I ground against him, I did not want anyone else to hear him but me. 

I couldn’t seem to be in control of my body anymore as my hands ran wild all over his perfect body. His hands tangled in my hair, tugging it just enough for the pain to meld into pleasure. I gripped his thighs and moved us towards my bed. I sat on the edge of the bed, Dan now straddling me. I toed off my boots and kicked them away from me. His hands dance across my body, his fingertips tracing my sides. 

I felt a blush creep up my cheeks, I knew I wasn’t the most attractive or fit man, so Dan’s hands on the softest parts of my stomach made me the slightest bit of uncomfortable. Dan must have taken notice of my lack of response, and he looked at me with concern on his face.

“Arin?” He questioned, his fingers resting lightly on my chin, forcing me to look at him.

Why now of all times? And why didn’t this bother me before? Why did I have to be like this? “I… I just…” I didn’t really want to say it. I wanted to just keep kissing him. “I just don’t exactly love my body, especially my stomach. It’s still kind of flabby.” I watched his eyes dart between mine, I could practically see him remembering. He knew I had problems with that before the accident.

A soft smile graced his lips, but it wasn’t laced with any pity to my surprise. “I love every part of you. I love your eyes, your smile, your hips, your stomach. Every part of you is perfect in my eyes. I love everything about you, Ar.” His hands roamed over my stomach as he slid off of me and down to his knees, unbuckling my belt. He left a trail of kisses down my chest and stomach as he tugged my pants off my hips. “You’re absolutely gorgeous, I wouldn’t change a single thing about you.” My breath caught in my throat as he took me in his hands, rubbing the head with the pad of his thumb. I almost couldn’t take it when he took me in his warm mouth, looking me directly in the eyes. My hand instinctively went into his hair, fisting the tight curls in my hand. He looked perfect with his cheeks hollowed and lips slick with spit. I could only stand a few minutes before pulling him off and into a kiss, gripping his pants and tugging them down.

I pushed him down onto my bed and situated myself between his long legs. I went to prepare him and was surprised to find him already ready. I pulled away and felt my eyebrows quirk in confusion. I looked up at him and he had a smug smile plastered on his face.

“I did it myself. I had a plan coming in here, Ar.”

I laughed. “Did you now?” I moved up to him and softly kissed him. “Sneaky bastard.”

He smiled and moved me in a sudden burst of strength so I was lying flat on my back and he was seated on my lap. He reached behind him and guided himself onto me. He sunk himself on me slowly, holding his breath. Once I was fully sheathed inside him, he let out a shallow sigh as he started to rock his hips, moving his body up and down the length of me. I gripped his hips and rose up, leaning forward to capture his lips with mine. He moaned into my mouth and I could feel him shudder. His arms came to wrap around my neck and he ground himself down on me. 

“You know what else I love?” He said barely above a whisper, his husky voice infiltrated my ears and had me melting.

“What?”

He reached up behind me and scraped his blunt nails down my shoulders and back. “I love the way your back looks after I’ve scratched the hell out of it when you fuck me.” I groaned into his shoulder. This man was going to be the death of me. 

He lifted himself but this time as he came back down, I lifted my hips up to meet him and sharply thrust into him. “ _ Fuck! _ ” He moaned, as I hit that spot inside him that made him burst with pleasure. He shuddered again and a soft moan wracked his body. He lifted his hips and I rose up to thrust into him again, hitting that same spot. I paced myself, making sure that my movements were slow and deliberate. A needy whimper filled the room as he threw his head back, his curly hair beautifully draping over his shoulders and back. “Gods, please Arin…”

“Please what?” I couldn’t stop the smirk growing on my face.

“Please… go faster, harder,  _ anything _ . Just fuck me.” Even in the low light of my quarters, I could see the gorgeous crimson dusting his shoulders, neck, and face.

“Fuck it,” I muttered and gripped his waist, flipped us over so he was on his back now. His legs instinctively lifted up to wrap around my waist, allowing me to thrust into him deeper and faster. A memory flashes in my mind.  _  Small gasps, breathy moans, and shrill whimpers fill my ears. I move in time with the rock of the boat, and it was deliciously torturous for the both of us.  _ The dream I had had, a couple of months ago. Indeed, I moved in time with the boat. Each time hitting that spot that made him lose control. 

“Arin, Arin,  _ Arin _ ,” He whimpered, he could barely make out any words other than my name. He tightly gripped the sheets beneath him and he arched his back, practically lifting himself off the bed. I knew he was getting close, I was too. Each thrust built up that fire within me, a fire threatening to blow any second now. 

“Fuck, I love you,” I moaned.

That was what made him lose control, white covering his stomach and mine, his body shaking as he was overtaken with pleasure. And the feeling of him clenching around me made me spill into him, his name on my lips. His eyes nearly rolled back and his mouth was agape as he came down from his high. 

I slipped out of him, moving to lay down beside him and pull him into my arms and kissing him. “We should go wash up,” I suggested, smoothing his hair away from his sweaty brow. 

He nodded and we moved to the small washroom I had. I had already filled the tub with piping hot water before Dan had come, and was pleased to see that it was still warm. I slipped into the tub, Dan settling in between my legs. I wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed the side of his neck. 

“I love you,” He said as he leaned against my chest, and I thought I could die from happiness as I heard those words. I thought I would die every time he smiled at me. But if I died because of him, I don’t think I’d mind all that much.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of today, SunshineHead and I will be going on a summer retreat together without any WiFi, so we won’t be able to post until next Wednesday. In the meantime, enjoy!

A week had passed since we set sail, and according to Suzy, who had finally regained her strength, we would be there by noon. I was at the wheel and overlooking the deck of the ship, everyone was out scanning the vast sea. Even being out sailing for who knows how long, the beauty of the ocean never got old. I saw Dan chatting with Suzy on the starboard, elbows propping themselves up on the ledge. The wind blew through Dan’s hair angelically, and his eyes glinted in the morning sun. I signaled at Fearless to take over the wheel, and I made my way over to the two. Suzy saw me coming and quickly turned to Dan to whisper something in his ear that I couldn’t catch, but it left Dan with a wide grin on his face. I smiled at him and stood next to him looking out where he was previously.

“Hey there, _Big Cat_ .” I could practically hear the smirk in his voice. He hasn’t called me that in _ages._ When we were children we barely referred to each other by our actual names, and nicknames we had for each other only got even more ridiculous as we grew older.

“Hey, _Big D_.” His giggle nearly melted my heart. “Now that it's officially been a week since you rejoined, how have things been?”

“Surprisingly good actually! It’s like hardly anything changed,” He smiled down at the water below us. “It’s weird… I think I’m almost glad I forgot who I was.”

“What do you mean?”

“If I hadn’t forgotten, I would have been stuck on an island for five years wondering where the fuck my friends were and if they even knew I was still alive. I don’t think I could have handled that.” He quickly turned somber, and he had an almost vacant look in his eyes. His eyes always changed when he was stuck in his own head.

I put my arm around his shoulder and brought him closer to me. “I understand that. But I think we would have found you either way.”

He turned to me, his lips slightly upturned into a smile. “You think so?”

“I know so.” I kept my arm around him and he leaned on my shoulder, we stood there in comfortable silence for a while. I hadn’t even known how much time had passed when I heard concerned yelling from Fearless.

“Oi Captain! We have unexpected company!” I turn to him and he has a spyglass fixed to his eye. I go up to him at the wheel and he hands me the spyglass. I adjust it to my eye and I see our destination on the horizon, except that It seems that a ship has already settled itself there. “I recognize that ship, sir! It’s from back when we were at Cuba! I _told_ you the were suspicious! They probably heard about our plans to go there!”

“Alright, alright, now is not the time for ‘I told you so.’ We’ll have to assume that’s what happened because I can’t think of any other scenario where they coincidentally found this island too.”

“What should we do?” Ross asked. They were all staring at me expectantly. I didn’t really know what to do either, but I looked into Dan’s beautiful blue and brown eyes and found my courage.

“I suppose we go in there and take what’s rightfully ours!” My crew looked at each other and yelled in excitement. Before I knew it we were embarked next to the foreign ship. The island seemed so much smaller now. There was really only the shore and a small cave that I knew had many treasures inside it. The other crew had finally noticed us, and they had stopped carrying gold back to their ship. Gold that was supposed to be _ours_. Guns were being drawn from both sides, and before I could give an order, the other crew shot first, narrowly missing Splinter. My crew gave an angry roar and charge to the shore, swords out and guns blazing.

I knew I had to charge in, I had to be there for my crew as some of them would give their lives for me, for the treasure. I met eyes with Dan, and before I could let that beautiful ocean change my mind, I pulled out my dagger and sword.

“Arin, wait!” I’d only managed to take a few steps before a gentle grip on my arm halts my movements. I turn to meet Dan’s desperate and pleading eyes. “Make them all stop, make it all stop. Let them have the treasure. Who cares?”

“ _I_ care. Our _crew_ cares. We have to do this.”   
“No, we don’t! There are other options besides rushing in and killing people.”

“Dan, we don’t have a choice here.” I said softly, trying not to meet Dan’s eyes, I didn’t want to see the disappointment in them that I knew was there.

“I can’t be a part of a crew that murders people for treasure.”

“There’s more to it than that!” I protested.

“What is there?”  He didn't know. He didn’t know how much trouble we were really in. And I didn’t tell him. “What could possibly condone killing a crew full of people, people who maybe need the money more than us?”

I didn’t know what to say. I knew he was right. I knew it and I knew I was completely wrong but I wasn’t sure if I could fix it anymore.

I saw a flash of metal out of the corner of my eye, two men were heading straight for us. I shoved Dan aside, ignoring his gasp of surprise and heading towards the men. I barely noticed when a bullet made its way into my shoulder. I felt the sharp pain, but all I could care about was protecting Dan. He didn’t have any weapons on him.

We didn’t think we’d need them.

I rushed forward, using my knife and dagger in perfect unison to stab and slash at the men who threatened me, I did it, even as my shoulder throbbed in pain in protest. I managed to take one of the men down but the slashed at me and I blocked with my bad shoulder, causing it to be weak. He easily knocked my sword away and stabbed me in the stomach. I used the opening to dig my knife into his gut, he fell away from me. Red blood washed the floors of my deck.

I gripped my shoulder in pain and turned to face Dan. He was a few feet away now, near the railing of the ship. His hands were clutched at his stomach, and I finally noticed the blood leaking from his fingertips and staining his shirt.

“Dan, oh Gods, are you alright?”

He stared at me in shock, and when I took a step towards him, he only took step back in fear. He kept walking back, away from me, backing up against the railing of the ship and leaning against it. And then I remembered.

The men were coming at us so fast that I had forgotten I had my dagger in my hand when I pushed Dan away. I watched it happen in my mind in slow motion. My dagger slashed him across the stomach and he groaned in pain and stumbled back away from me.

“Oh Gods…” I dropped my weapons and stumbled towards him. “I’m so sorry, please, oh Gods please forgive me,”

Dan only stared at me. And I watched as his eyes rolled into the back of his head as he fell backwards over the railing and into the sea.

Just like he did that stormy night five years ago. Rain and thunder pounded through my vision, and for a moment, I felt like I was back there again. I felt like I was losing Dan again to that thunderstorm again. Except for this time I was that thunderstorm.

I rushed forward once my vision had returned to me, my shoulder and stomach barked with pain but I didn’t care. I crashed against the railing, leaning over the edge to see if I could spot him. The water was a clear blue, and my heart lurched as it reminded me of Dan’s eyes. I couldn’t see him anywhere. I was too late.

I collapsed to my knees, clutching onto the railing for support when all I could see was Dan standing there, eyes open with shock and fear. Because he was afraid of me. His words kept ringing through my ears. He was all I could see, and all I could hear. And it was torturing.

_I don’t want to be a part of a crew that murders people for treasures._

Dan had left. And this time I wasn’t sure if I could get him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man alone chimes the hour. And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures. A fear of time running out.
> 
> -Mitch Albom, The Time Keeper


	29. Chapter 29

I couldn’t feel anything. I felt empty as I stared into the clear blue water, watching and waiting for something that I knew would never appear. I could hear the gunshots and the clinks of metal clashing together faintly in the background, but it seemed so unimportant to me. I could feel the burning pain in my stomach and in my shoulder but I still didn’t care. No pain would compare to the empty ache I felt in my heart.

I stumbled away from the railing and found myself on the shores of the island. There was fighting everywhere, but it seemed to happen in slow motion. “Stop. Just please stop.” Of course, no one heard me, I knew I had only spoken barely above a whisper. I searched the crowd until I found him. He was clashing swords against a man I didn’t recognize. I stumbled towards him, I was halfway there when my body lurched forward at the hit of another gunshot. I could feel the pain burrowing into my side. I covered the wound with my hand, stumbling towards Ross.

“Ross, please, stop all this,” I made it to his side just as he stabbed the man he was fighting in the gut. I watched the man fall, he would bleed out soon. I fought the urge to purge my insides all over the white sand and grasped onto Ross’ arm. I repeated my words, and he turned to look at me, his eyes wide in shock.

“Captain, oh Gods, we have to get you to Holly.”

I shook my head. “Dan. He… he fell overboard again. I accidentally slashed him… oh, Gods… I don’t want this.” Blackness blurred the edges of my vision, my eyelids feel heavy. I managed to glance down at my hand. It was soaked red with blood. “I want this to end…” That blackness crept around my vision until it was all I could see, I felt myself fall forward. 

And then there was nothing. 

  
  


I woke in my cabin, eyes blinking open to see the sky chart I had above my bed. I sat up slowly, my body ached and throbbed with the movement. 

I noticed Ross sat in the chair in the corner of the room, he perked up, noticing that I was up now. “Take it easy, Captain. Holly doesn’t want you moving too much. You could rip your sutures.”

I look down at my stomach to see an ugly slash painted purple from bruises. Panic caught up with me as I remembered the events that caused me to get hurt in the first place. “ _ Dan _ . Where is he?”

I could see Ross visibly swallow. His eyes were red and they looked more grey than blue; he had been crying. “We retreated after you passed out. We looked everywhere for him but we didn’t see him. We set sail after Holly had fixed you up. It’s been three days since then, we’re on our way back to Ecrin.”

“What? How could you just leave him again?!” 

“Captain, he’s dead.”

“He’s not dead. Don’t ever  _ fucking  _ say that. You didn’t find his body. He’s not dead.”

Ross spoke quietly and sheepishly looking down at his hands. “I think he’s truly gone this time. I don’t think the Gods would give us another shot with him.” 

“Shut up. We have to sail back. We have to find him. I’m not abandoning him again.”

“You aren’t well, Captain. Please, calm down.”

“We can’t assume anything anymore! We assumed he died before and we can’t assume now! I-I think I might know where he is. We have to go back to Ecrin!” My head was swimming and my body was screaming with pain, this was all too much.

“Arin, please, I think he’s gone.”

“I don’t care what you think. As of right now, I’m still your fucking Captain. Dan is your first mate. We gave up on him once, there’s no way that we’re giving up on him again. Sail to fucking Ecrin. That’s an order.”

“Alright, I’ll tell Suzy. It’ll still be a few days.”

“Just do it. Do it now.”

“Aye, Captain.” I watched as Ross rose from his seat and left my cabin. I took this time to look at my wounds, blood had already seeped through the white bandages on my stomach, but the one on my right arm seemed to be clean. 

Dan might truly be dead this time. And I’m the one that killed him. I’m the thunderstorm that pushed him over the edge of the boat. I’m the wave that drowns him. It was all my fault. If Dan is truly dead, then I’ll be joining him. And just hope he’ll accept me in the afterlife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief.
> 
> _ Aeschylus


	30. Chapter 30

“Captain?” I hear a gentle knock on my door and recognize that it’s Suzy. I set my telescope on my bed and open the door. 

“Hey, Suze.”

“We’ve arrived.”

“Thanks.” I go back in my room and take the beautiful telescope in my hands. I leave my room and go above deck to see the beautiful town of Ecrin clearly in view. Once we dock I run to the familiar beach where everything between us happened. The town passes by me in a blur and I ignore the pain in my stomach. I pray to every God for any sort of sign of Dan.

I slow to a jog as I get close to the beach, already out of breath and panting, doubt creeping into my chest. What if he was there, but didn’t want me anymore? “If you’re looking for that strange man with the curly hair and blue eyes, you’re too late.”

I whipped around, seeing a beautiful woman with dark hair and dark eyes. She was cleaning tables at the nearby tavern. 

“What do you mean?”

“He left yesterday. Came from the beach carrying a bag and left. He’s long gone.”

I curse, tears stinging my eyes. Thank the Gods he was still alive, but did it even matter now? I bring a hand up to my injured stomach and reach into my coin purse and gather the last gold coin I have. I hold it in between my fingers, wiping away the sand. This is the last of my money, but if Dan truly didn’t want me, it wasn’t worth it anymore. I give the gold piece to the lady cleaning tables, and she smiles graciously at me. 

I slowly limp back to my ship. A ship that I wasn’t sure I wanted to even board anymore. 

Suzy and Ross were waiting for me on the deck awaiting instruction. “Sail in any random direction. I don’t care.”

I board the ship, and sit on the steps leading up to the quarter deck, staring out the clear blue ocean, trying not to think of his eyes. It’s Suzy who sits next to me, leaning her head against my uninjured shoulder. “What happened?”

“He left. He’s alive, but he left. I don’t think he wants us anymore. He doesn’t want me anymore. I hurt him and he rightfully left.”

“Arin... “

“Just make a course to somewhere else, Suzy. I don’t want to be here anymore. I can’t be here anymore. I love him, and now he’s gone. I can only blame myself.”

She nods and stands, I hear the ruffling of paper and her and Ross talking. I hear it, but it feels miles away. I close my eyes as we pull out of the harbor. I replay it all in my mind. The way he looked as we danced in the alley behind the tavern. His sleepy smile after we made love for the first time. The light and joy in his blue eyes when I told him I loved him. The moment I turned and saw the blood pouring out from his stomach. An injury I had caused. I watched again and again as he tumbled backwards into the sea, trying to get away from me. 

I don’t know how long I sat there, but no one bothered me. I replayed his voice in my head. _I'll be coming back again, I'll be coming back again._ His voice had been so beautiful that day. His skin had been glowing from the light of the fading sun, his curly hair free and wild in the wind. Our intertwined hands against the sun bleached white sand of the beach. 

_ Holding you down, caught in the crossfire.  _ “Captain, do you hear that?” I could hear Ross say. My eyes flickered open, I blinked as I adjusted to the light from the setting sun. I stood, taking in the surroundings around me. It was open ocean all around me, and in the distance I could hear faint singing, coming from a cluster of rocks in the distance. “ _ Where have you been till now? _ ” 

It wasn’t a memory. It was real. It was Dan. “Fearless, sail towards those rocks. It’s him.”

I heard Ross yelling directions in the corner of my mind but all I could hear was his beautiful voice. “It’s alright, take it all from me,”

I pull out my telescope, the one Dan had given to me all those years ago. I hold it up to my eye, scanning the rocks, looking for a hint of something,  _ anything _ . 

My heart stopped as I make out a head of curly brown hair. I know it’s him. I put the telescope down as our ship rushes toward the rocks. I felt like I was falling and flying at the same time. We were close enough now that I could see him sitting in the rock, perfect and as beautiful as the day I saw him all those weeks ago. There he is, looking back at me. 

“Captain, the rocks. We can’t go any farther.” 

I don’t even give a warning as I ignore the pain in my shoulder and stomach and jump over the railing. Am I insane? Quite possibly. I swim and thrash under the water getting as far as I can before breaking over the surface, gasping for breath and already freezing beyond belief. I didn’t feel it, not really, not as I pushed myself closer to him. 

“What the fuck are you doing?!” I hear him say as I get closer to him, I work through the pain to get closer, even as my arm feels like it’s going to fall off. I have to get to him. I have to apologize, I have to beg for forgiveness. 

Even as my arm gives out and the water swallows me I trash and buck to get to the surface, to get to him. Darkness fills my vision and its quiet. It’s so breathtakingly quiet under the water A hollow echo of every voice and ambient sound. 

Skinny arms wrap under my chest and pull me up, I crash through the waves. I pull myself halfway up onto a nearby rock, pain shooting through my body. I touch my shoulder, and when I pull my hand away it’s soaked in blood. My clothes are already stained in my blood and the sight makes me light-headed. 

It doesn’t matter, I realize it doesn’t matter when I look up to see his eyes, even as blackness creeps into my vision again, I see his face and I see those eyes, and nothing else matters to me. I see his body, and I see the beautiful iridescent tail, and I’m glad he’s the last thing I see. “Oh Gods, why are you such an idiot?!” I hear him say as the blackness seems to swallow me whole. 

  
  


I open my eyes, squinting at the setting sun. I turn my head to see him on the rock beside me. His eyes, they’re completely brown now, back to what they used to be. He’s in his human form, wet trousers pulled over his soaking body. 

I’m overwhelmed with relief, happiness, guilt and regret all at once and I feel tears begin to well up in my eyes. “Dan, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Please, please, forgive me. I love you.” Tears cloud my vision as I shuffle towards him, bringing him into my arms. “When I saw you fall into the ocean, Gods, I thought you were dead.”

Hos arms wrap around me and he squeezes tightly, I don’t ever want him to let go of me. “Oh Gods, Arin, I’m alright. It’s alright, I forgive you. I know you didn’t mean to.”

“How are you alright?”

“I had to fall into the water and shift forms. When I’m in my siren form, water heals me. And apparently… heals other people too.” He gestures to my person with a nod.

“What…?” I clutch at my tattered shirt, gazing at my shoulder, the skin was clear, not even a scar. And there wasn’t any pain either. I lift my shirt up, the slash against my stomach was gone, not a hint of blood or anything. “Dan… Thank you.”

He shook his head and smiled. “You don’t have to thank me.”

“Why did you leave? You left Ecrin?”

“At that time I was still mad at you, I had every intention of sailing across the sea to some other country. I meant what I said, I can’t be a part of the crew that murders people for money. I only made it this far when I realized I couldn’t do it without you. I can’t see the world without you. I’ve only been here for day, just watching ships past and singing.”

“I’m sorry, again. But when you left, I stopped all the fighting. Or Ross did. You were right, we should’ve just let them have it, and they do have it, the other crew got away with all the treasure.” I took his hands in mine and ran my thumbs over his palms. “That will never happen again, I promise. Will you please come back with me?”

He smirked and chuckled softly. “I think I could, only if you kiss me first.”

I sighed in relief, pulling him into my arms and pressing my lips against him, his lips tasted like salt water, and I couldn't get enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love. 
> 
> \- Bryant H. McGill


	31. Chapter 31

After I had thrown myself overboard and regained consciousness my crew had docked at Ecrin and remained on the ship. Dan helped me back onto the ship to rest, despite healing me he was still worried nonetheless. He stayed with me in my quarters and kept me company, of course everyone else did as well but I cherished the time Dan spent sitting by my side. Of course when I was back on the ship everyone just had to tell me how much of a dumbass I was and how I could’ve gotten myself killed. I already knew those things but I didn’t care, because I had ended up finding Dan again and that was all that really mattered to me. Now here we were, him sitting by my side on my bed chatting and smiling with me, just how it used to be. After just a couple hours of being reunited with him, I had already noticed changes about him that I could have sworn were there before. His eyes were the brown hazel mix they used to be and the hint of blue wasn’t there anymore. And along with his glow about him, it’s not that he was dull by any means, just his siren glow seemed to be at the very least faded. I hadn’t questioned it before but now I was really curious about it.

  
“Hey Dan?” I had said after there was a short silence.

  
“Hm?”

“Have you noticed your eyes aren’t really blue anymore?"

  
“Yeah I have actually, but I think I know why,” That was unexpected, but I guess answers were better than none at all. “After the whole… incident… and I had healed you, it seemed had I lost my siren powers. I wasn’t able to turn into one in the water anymore. My eyes, the glow, everything changed. The only thing I still have are the scars from the gills.” He lifted his shirt to show me the curved lines underneath his arms and along his ribs.

  
“Do you have any clue as to how that happened?”

  
“Nope. Not a clue. Maybe it was like I only had those powers for a certain amount of uses? Other than that I couldn’t think of anything else...”  
I but my lip as I thought about it. “I didn’t... do you think I used up your powers or something?”

  
“Well when you say it like that no! You make it sound like it was a waste!”

  
“Well-“

  
“Don’t even start with that shit.” He pointed a finger to my face to emphasize. “Maybe I had those powers until I used them to help another person or something, maybe that’s what my purpose was.”  
“Your purpose as a siren you mean?”

  
“Yeah, maybe.” He stared down at his hands that were now folded in his lap. “How much longer do we need to stay here by the way? I didn’t think I would be back here so soon, and to be truthful I don’t want to come back again. For real this time.” He smiled when he spoke, but I only felt a lead ball begin to grow in my stomach. There was no money left. Nothing. We couldn’t go on as a crew without money as shallow as that was, it was a state of fact. No money for food, supplies, medicine, nothing. I had to tell him, everyone.

  
“Uh... about that Dan...”

  
His brows furrowed in confusion. “What is it?” He was always so hopeful, but I don’t think his relentless optimism could fix this mess I’ve gotten everyone into. 

  
“We... there’s no money left. With us staying at Ecrin for so long and along with getting Suzy better, we spent all of our remaining funds. That treasure was the only hope we had left for this crew to go on.” I watched his face as I spoke, he had his eyebrows scrunched together and he bit the inside of his cheek. 

He suddenly widened his eyes and stood up quickly. “Are you alright enough to walk?”

“What? Yeah I’ve been fine this whole time-”

“Come with me then.” Then he grabbed my hand and hoisted me out of my bed and practically dragged me off the ship. I couldn’t decide if I was worried or excited because Dan had a smile on his face almost brighter than the sun itself. Whatever this was all about it had to be good. 

“What the hell are you doing and where are you taking us?” He was still pulling me by the arm as we came across the beach.

“You’ll see,” We passed his small cave and walked down to the farthest end of the beach. It was overgrown with miscellaneous plant life and driftwood from the sea. He let go of my hand and crept through the reeds that were as tall as we were. He disappeared as soon as he stepped foot into the mess. 

“Dan, what the actual fuck are you doing?” The only response I got was him sticking his middle finger out from above the plants. He emerged moments later dragging a burlap bag through the sand, clearly struggling from its weight. “Do I want to know what's in the bag?” At this point I wasn’t even thinking about the fact we were flat out broke, I was more concerned with the fact whether there was a dead body in the bag or not. 

Dan kept smiling at me and he looked like he was going to explode from excitement. “I think you do.” He dropped the bag down and gestured for me to look inside. I knelt down on the ground and peered into the bag. Could this be…

I pulled the bag back to reveal a hulking and ornate mahogany chest decorated with silver. I could feel my hands starting to shake. I fumbled with the latch that kept it closed and I slowly opened the chest. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Gold and silver and copper coins filled the chest to the brim, uncut jewels and extravagant jewelry were thrown into the mix as well. I felt tears prick my eyes and I cover my mouth with a trembling hand to hold back a gasp. I look to Dan and he’s smiling as wide as ever. Was this the bag that the woman saw him carrying?

I could barely even speak from shock. “I- Dan… How-”

“When I first arrived on the island and I figured out my powers and such, I had found that secret cave I had taken you to. Inside of it was that chest. I only ever used a small portion of it for things like clothing and food, and even then I don't think I even scratched the surface of it’s worth.” He ran a hand through his hair and looked down. “I never had a use for it myself, so I kept it hidden in case the time came where someone else did. And that was you, Arin. Think of it as a thank you for everything you’ve done for me.” His cheeks were dusted with pink as his gaze met my own. I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks now, I had never felt such an overwhelming sense of gratitude and love for one person in my life. I stood up and practically threw myself at him and I just let the tears fall

“Thank you, thank you so much… But I can’t-” He wrapped his arms around me before I could continue.

“Don’t you dare even say you can’t accept this. It’s not going to be put to use with it staying here forever!” He pulled away and held my face in his hands. The sun shone through his hair, making it seem almost golden, and his eyes looked hazel in the bright light. He kissed me sweetly, yet pulling away all too quickly. “I love you.”  
“I love you too.” I wipe my tears away and blink away the remaining tears. “Everyone will be ecstatic to hear about this.”

“I’m sure they will be! The last thing I wanted was for for your precious crew to be broken up just because of some financial issues.”

“ _ Our  _ precious crew.” I say.

He smiles again. “Right,  _ our  _ crew. Just the way it should be.”

 

I fill as much of the coins as I can in my satchel and Dan does the same. Soon Ross comes along with some of our crew, and they carry the rest of the treasure to the ship and down into the safe. Dan and I hold hands as we walk through the town towards the ship for the last time. Instead of booing at us and throwing foods, the people in the town didn’t seem to care. A few people that I had seen regularly even waved goodbye. The sun was almost set now, turning the sky into a beautiful mess of red and purple. 

I see a figure running towards us, and I quickly recognize it as Suzy. Before I can chastise her for running when she hasn’t fully recovered she grabs my arms and shakes my whole body. “Captain, how do you feel about heading back to England?”

I nodded, “Maybe it’s time for a visit.”

“Either way, I just heard there’s treasure on an island north of England. We’ve got to set sail now, it’ll take months to get there.”

She bounded off back to the ship, and I turn towards Dan, whose face is practically glowing in the fading sunlight.“Well, Love, ready for a new adventure?”

“Thought you’d never ask.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If the final chapter of your life story is written by love, you are guaranteed a happy ending.
> 
> -Matshona Dhliwayo
> 
>  
> 
> Firstly, thank you so much to everyone who has stuck with us through this whole fic! We can't thank you enough for your love and support. I'm literally crying as I edit this omg, but seriously thank you everyone for reading this, it means the world to the both of us! Hopefully more fics coming soon!


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